27/08/2025
A touching article by neurosurgeon Dr. Song Siquan -
My beloved family members:
If one day I develop dementia, please hang this message on the wall of my room. I hope that while I can still read, seeing it will bring me peace of mind. When I can no longer, it will become your way of loving me.
1. Every time you walk in, please call me by my name and tell me who you are. Don't ask me, "Do you know who I am?" I might not know, and that would make me panic.
2. If I'm living in another timeline, please don't rush to pull me back; please stay there with me. Perhaps I'll be happier there.
3. If I say we're going to an old friend's house for dinner, or if I mention a loved one who has long since passed away, please smile and believe it with me.
4. Don't argue with me. Back then, I couldn't tell whether you were right or what I remembered. Please, use your love and let me win for once.
5. If I don't recognize you, please don't be hurt. It's not that I don't love you, it's that my mind has lost its way.
6. If I forget how to use a spoon, don't rush to feed me. Please help me put on a bib and see if you can let me eat with my hands. That's how I ate as a child.
7. If you see me anxious or sad, please hold my hand. Don't tell me to "stop overthinking." Please sit quietly with me and maybe sing a song together.
8. Please don't treat me like a child. Even if I lose my language and understanding, my soul is still an adult.
9. Please let me continue doing what I love: having a few drinks, watching YouTube, and listening to the audio. It brings back so many wonderful memories.
10. It's always good to mention the courage of youth. Even if you've heard it countless times, it might be the only thing I still remember.
11. If I suddenly lose control of my emotions, please don't blame me. Try to find the source of my unease; it might be a hidden pain that I can't express.
12. Please treat me the way you want to be treated. At that time, perhaps only the feeling of being treated gently remains.
13. Please always keep snacks at home. If I lose my temper, it might be because I'm hungry but can't tell you.
14. If you're discussing me, please speak to my face, not as if I don't exist.
15. If you can no longer care for me around the clock, please don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. I know you love me.
16. When I'm institutionalized, please remember to visit me. I may have forgotten your face, but I will remember that familiar warmth.
17. When I get a name wrong or something wrong, please be patient. Don't sigh or frown; it's not intentional.
18. Please let me listen to music. The melodies I love may outlive my memory. Please also help me wear hearing aids; I want to hear clearly.
19. If I like to carry things around, please put them back where they belong. I'm not a thief; I just need a sense of security.
20. Please take me to Sunday worship whenever possible. I might just sit quietly in a corner, hoping I can still enjoy the reverence and hope.
21. Don't be stingy with hugs and handshakes. Those physical connections may be more powerful than words.
22. Most importantly:
Please remember that I am still me. Even if I am no longer the person you remember, please remember that I am still the person you love.
While I can still clearly write these words, I would like to make some preparations for my future self.
May I be treated this way then; may I still remember then: I am dignified, loved, and in God's hands.
I Lose My Mind One Day
Treat Me Gently Like This
Deserves a Personalized Version
We Not Lose Ourselves in Love
Dementia Can't Separate Us from God's Love
