15/01/2026
2016 is ten years ago, and all of the reminiscence has plunged pooled me into my past.
The years of lacking care and freedom abound. I look back on these earlier times knowing I will never have freedom like it again, and for that I am glad.
Responsibility can feel too high a mark to meet, it did for me in those hurried years. I did not want responsibility (for my actions, my trajectory, myself) I wanted freedom. I thirsted for freedom from a state of living I could not understand. To me, disembodiment never felt so good.
It took a lot to reel myself back in, to reconnect with those lost parts and fill in the gaps. It’s said it’s never too late to bring yourself back, I also think it is never too early. I got sober at 20 for a year. I got back into (some) old vices at 21. I brought myself back to equilibrium by 22, attempted to repair my relationship with the world as much as I could. Put things to rites for the thousandth time.
Without all of the back and forth, the hardship that teaches so much, the love gained and lost and gained again, none of us would be evolving beyond our hedonistic pasts. I like to look back sometimes, but only to gawp at how different things are now.
(These photos are dated between 2017-2019, a hugely transitional time for me).