03/01/2026
“How does that make you feel?” isn’t always a simple question
“How does that make you feel?”
In therapy, this question is often asked with care and good intention.
But for many Autistic people, it can be genuinely difficult to answer — not because feelings aren’t there, but because they may not be easily accessible or easily named.
Alexithymia can make identifying and verbalising emotions hard.
Differences in interoception can mean the internal signals that usually inform emotions (tight chest, butterflies, hunger, anxiety) are confusing, muted, or overwhelming.
Emotions may show up instead as physical sensations, shutdown, irritability, fatigue, or a vague sense that something is wrong, without clear words attached.
So when an Autistic client says “I don’t know”, this isn’t avoidance or lack of engagement.
It is often the most accurate answer available in that moment.
As therapists, we don’t need to force insight — we can offer scaffolding.
🧰 Tools that can help :
Feeling wheels (used as options, not tests)
Mood or emotion cards clients can point to, sort, or reject
Scaling questions (e.g. “How intense is it from 0–10?”)
Body maps to explore where something is felt before naming it
Creative approaches: colours, metaphors, objects, characters
Time-lag permission: allowing insight to arrive between sessions
💬 What to say instead :
"How are you experiencing this ?"
“Would it help to look at some words together?”
“Do you notice anything in your body right now?”
“If this feeling had a colour, texture, or shape, what might it be?”
“Do you know what it isn’t?”
“We don’t have to name it today.”
“It’s okay if this makes more sense later.”
Therapy doesn’t have to be intense to be effective.
With safety, time, and the right supports, understanding often emerges —
sometimes after the session, not during it.
Different nervous systems need different ways in.
Picture description / alt text:
A circular feelings wheel divided into coloured sections. The centre shows six core emotions: happy, sad, angry, fearful, surprised, and disgusted. Each section expands outward into more specific emotion words, with colours helping group similar feelings together.
