08/09/2025
PLEASE BE AWARE THIS TOPIC MAY TRIGGER SO PLEASE STOP READING IF THE FIRST LINE UPSETS YOU. IT IS A TOPIC THAT MUST BE ADDRESSED IN OUR PROFESSION AND IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO CAUSE ANY UPSET OR DISPRESPECT. IT IS WRITTEN PROFESSIONALLY WITH HEARTFELT MEANING I CAN ASSURE YOU.
Should Funeral Celebrants Be Paid for Baby & Child Funerals?
The death of a child is one of life’s greatest tragedies and brings an unbearable pain for many Mums and Dads to be - no matter their age.
As funeral celebrants, it is likely at some point during our careers that we will be asked to support families through this difficult time.
A question that many of us face from a Funeral Director (especially when newly trained):
"Do you charge to deliver a funeral for a baby or child?"
It’s an emotional subject. It is a question that takes you by surprise at first and it really is not as simple as YES or NO to answer.
Some believe it’s our moral duty to do this for free for every family that lose a child.
However, others may point out that, unlike clergy, hospital staff, our emergency services, doctors and indeed funeral arrangers/directors who receive a wage for their work regardless of the age of the deceased - Independent Celebrants are indeed self-employed, funding their business's, paying their tax / NI etc... as well as their lives.
Does the Government or any charities help pay towards child funerals?
In the UK, there is financial support for families facing the death of a child. The Children’s Funeral Fund covers the cost of burial or cremation fees for children under 18 and babies stillborn after 24 weeks of pregnancy. The funeral director can usually handle these claims directly as there are obviously restrictions on what is actually covered but you can find out more here: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/claim-for-costs-of-a-childs-funeral-childrens-funeral-fund-for-england/how-to-claim-for-costs-of-a-childs-funeral -families-or-other-responsible-person-claims
Another amazing charity that can also help is the Child Funeral Charity, to read their guide, click here:https://www.childfuneralcharity.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Child-Funeral-Charity-Guide.pdf
Supporting a grieving family through the loss of a child often takes double the time and emotional energy as we hold space for that family to communicate with us in whichever way they can at that time and beyond.
As the founder of The Birds & The Bees, Celebrant Services, over the last 7 years, I have gently and professionally supported families in the UK and Middle East to say goodbye to their babies and children in deeply personal ways.
Sometimes, I brought their little ones home from the hospital myself so that they didn't need to go in the rather unpleasant transport provided in the Middle East at that time. We held funeral services in their own gardens, with their siblings present who had excitedly been waiting the arrival of their little brother or sister.
We would often use the service as the only opportunity to officially name a still born baby which held incredible significance to that baby's family and rightly so:
Experience matters. For families in unimaginable grief, choosing the right celebrant can bring comfort, clarity, and calm.
So back to the question - Should Celebrants Work for Free?
There are arguments on both sides, and ultimately, it comes down to personal choice and circumstance every time so if you are a Celebrant reading this, or a Funeral Director who engages celebrants or indeed a family that sadly may need our services, this respectfully is for your gentle consideration.
Reasons You Might Choose to Waive Your Fee:
You may feel a moral responsibility to support grieving parents during the worst time of their lives.
Offering a free service may build goodwill with funeral directors (although the Funeral Directors may not charge, they will be paying their staff to carry out the work).
You may view it as a personal gift, a form of philanthropy, and feel comfortable doing so from time to time. (This is often the case however, many put a manageable number on how many services they can offer free of charge per year).
There are reasons to ask for a fee of course (Usually discounted from full price of an adult service):
A child’s funeral is often more emotionally and practically demanding than other services. Engaging with parents and families in deep grief takes significant time, energy, and emotional resilience, especially if the Celebrant has experienced this personally themselves.
If you are asked to deliver the funeral of a teenager, the planning and writing process is often very complex and inclusive of more people, often requiring double the time and emotional input.
As mentioned, Doctors, nurses, paramedics, teachers, police officers, and all other professionals involved in child death cases are all paid for their expertise. Why not celebrants?
If a Celebrant becomes known for being so good at helping and delivering under these circumstances then they may become the go-to celebrant for this type of service, which could lead to emotional burnout and financial insecurity if delivering every time without remuneration.
Realistic Risks and Expectations
Some celebrants around the UK have found themselves delivering multiple infant funerals in quick succession after agreeing to work for free, particularly services in hospitals where contracts are held with local funeral directors. In such cases, the emotional and time commitment can become overwhelming.
At the same time, refusing to waive your fee might result in fewer calls from certain funeral directors which in turn may lead to these important questions:
Do I want to work with someone who expects me to work for free or who does not respect my experience or the time I devote to my families?
Would the loss of referrals outweigh the need to protect my emotional wellbeing and professional value?
Some celebrants decide that the long-term benefits of being generous in this way outweigh the short-term loss of income. Others draw firm boundaries and set a fee and stick to it because they need to earn a living - BOTH OF THESE CHOICES ARE VALID.
I would welcome your thoughts on this topic if you would like to drop me an email to: info@birdsandbeescelebrant.com
The Birds & The Bees - Celebrant Services, Cumbria & North West
