16/08/2025
I am the miracle of life
I am the mystery unfolding in this journey
I am grief
I am wonder
I am the beauty
I am the ugly
I am the despair
I am the desolation, the surrender, the grace, the ecstasy, sorrow, the rage, the anger
I am life
I am the full rainbow of emotion
I am the full expression
I am what can't be labelled
What can't be separated
I am what cannot be quantified
Not boxed, labelled or understood
Only felt
There is no word that knows what i truly am
As i came to be into this world
I am love in its rawest form
I have moments of experiencing such vast emotion, I've come to know the capacity in myself to feel the depth of the ocean, the depth of the dark earth, the expansion of the heavens... And in these moments i know that this is always there within me, but in the bustle of life it gets lost, my body gets scared to feel the depth of life with so many moving parts around and within me in the busyness. And so I check out, i overthink...
And then i return to this depth, hours, days, sometimes weeks later... And feel the grace, the beauty, the wonder, the grief, the ecstasy, the sadness, the joy and gratitude of returning, of feeling life in fullness once again... And yet i feel none of these words, because in this state i just feel life, which is pure unconditional love. I feel all emotion at once, and its oh so beautiful and oh so very a lot. I notice my mind trying to discern and identify the emotions to understand the experience.
And then i surrender.
Knowing these labels are something learnt, and i was born not knowing these words for emotion. I was born as free flowing emotion, all colours of the rainbow at once, feeling the expression of life flowing, shifting, shaping a new every single moment, with no need to label "anger" "sadness" "joy", but just BEING it.
Oh the beauty and the ugly of being a very sensitive neurodivergent being (which is just another label to understand, and which i do believe that under ALL the stuff we've collected along the way of life we are all sensitive neurologically colourful individuals).
Photo from Emerging Hearts Camp as I shruti sing to life and the elements all around ❤️