05/08/2025
Leaving, When You’re Already Gone - The Unraveling & Escape
By the time I finally left, I’d been gone inside for years.
Not physically — not yet — but emotionally, spiritually, I had already stepped back.
I stopped fighting.
Stopped pleading.
Stopped hoping he would change.
That’s how you survive when you can’t leave yet — you go quiet. You take up less space. You become invisible, inside your own life.
I knew sticking up for myself only caused more shouting, torn‑apart rooms, violence. So I made a vow: I would only stand up for the children.
The house was quieter. But not quiet enough.
And while I stayed silent, I built quiet plans:
☑️ Hid money where I could.
☑️ Kept paperwork safe.
☑️ Spoke carefully to the right people.
☑️ Planned with a domestic abuse charity.
Because leaving isn’t one brave day — it’s months of planting seeds, hoping they’ll sprout into a door you can walk through.
But the more I stepped back, the more he escalated — and turned it on the kids.
That was my line.
The day it broke: I walked into the room and he was on our son — screaming in his face, hands on him, refusing to stop even as I begged, even as I tried to drag him away.
I didn’t care about money or plans anymore. All I cared about was protecting the children.
I forced him out the door — shaking, terrified — and grabbed my phone.
I called my sister, who, thank the Old Gods, was with my dad.
They arrived and made sure he stayed gone. A weak bully, suddenly faced with people he couldn’t charm or scare.
Even after he left, I didn’t feel free. I felt afraid.
Afraid he’d come back.
Afraid of what would happen next.
But here’s the truth: Staying wasn’t survival anymore. It was destruction.
🖤 Survival is messy. Courage isn’t loud. It’s a whisper from all the women who have gone before you. It’s the last burning embers from the bottom of your belly that ignite the fire that protects, protects, protects.
📞 If you’re in that whisper stage, quietly planning — you’re not alone.
📞 UK National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247 (24/7).