13/08/2025
Do you ever try to convince yourself you are fine? When deep down you really aren’t? This was me a few years ago🥹
From the outside, I had it all figured out. A family, 2 wonderful children, a job as a cancer specialist nurse (my literal dream job, and not just a job💗), I had a great love of running and fitness, and so many wonderful friends. But deep down, something was missing. Amidst work, the day to day of family life, and Covid thrown in, I was struggling. I had lost myself somewhere along the way. I had neglected all of my basic needs and my self confidence was rock bottom. I couldn’t keep on pretending.
And so, one day everything fell apart when I was at work. I had a panic attack, for only the second time in my life. (The first one down to exhaustion a few months after giving birth.) I didn’t recognise any of the signs, I felt I had no idea it was coming.
I was trembling, terrified, humiliated, and mostly I had an overriding feeling of guilt. Guilt I was failing in every aspect of my life. I was trying my best, but I felt it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t keep all those plates spinning, when I wasn’t meeting my own basic needs.
Thankfully, I recovered. But it took months. I had allowed myself to become so anxious and unwell. I didn’t think I would get there, but I did. It started basic, writing down all I needed to do that day. Then gradually, I returned to practices I had neglected. One of these being meditation. I met myself again. I accepted myself, I found compassion.
When I look back, it all seems obvious. The signs were there. But I wasn’t seeing clearly. I thought exercise was enough for my meditation. Now, I look after ALL parts of me. And I get to be a nurse, and share meditations. Never would I have thought I could have, or would have the confidence 🥹💗 For all meditation has given me, all it has opened my eyes to, I will forever be truly grateful 🧘♀️
Does any of this sound familiar? If it does, I would urge you to offer yourself acceptance and compassion. DM’s are always open.
Sending love, always💗
