Into the Wild Counselling

19/09/2025

🌿 The Grey Space 🌿

I often talk with clients about what I call the grey space — that place between the “all or nothing” of black-and-white thinking.

The image below captures something so many people relate to: the exhausting swing between “I can’t do this anymore” and “Keep going, it’ll get better.”

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) teaches us that our thoughts aren’t facts — they’re interpretations. And with a small shift in language, we can start moving from a fixed mindset (closed off, hopeless) to a growth mindset (open to possibility).

For example, instead of “I can’t do this” try “I can’t do this yet.”
That single word creates space for change and softens the weight of the thought.

Finding the grey space means welcoming all of our different parts to be heard and aligned. It means allowing thoughts that reflect our fluctuating human experience, such as:

✨ “I’m struggling today.”
✨ “Yesterday was tough.”
✨ “I feel like I need a break.”

These statements acknowledge what’s real in the moment without closing the door on hope or possibility.

You are not your thoughts. You can step back, notice them, and choose kinder words that help you keep moving forward. 💛

If this resonates with you and you’d like support in exploring your own grey space, I offer walk-and-talk therapy in the Chorley area and online counselling nationwide. You don’t have to figure it all out alone 🌿

17/05/2025

🌱 Permission to Take the Shortcut 🌱

Shortcuts get a bad rap. We’re told they’re lazy, unproductive, or even cheating. But here’s the truth: sometimes, shortcuts are exactly what we need—not to cut corners, but to cut through overwhelm.

"If the mountain feels too big today, climb a hill instead"

If you’re too tired to make a sandwich, just eat the filling.
If the worry about leaving your straighteners on is eating you alive… take them with you.
That’s not being ridiculous. That’s reducing stress.

These small acts aren’t signs of weakness—they're examples of clever, compassionate self-support. Life isn’t a test you have to pass with perfect marks. Most of the pressure we feel comes from our own core beliefs, our perfectionism, or our fear of being judged.

So let’s reframe:
Shortcuts = stress management strategies.
Making life easier = emotional wisdom.

When we give ourselves permission to simplify, we create breathing space to actually feel what’s going on beneath the surface. That’s where real healing begins.

Embrace the hacks. Embrace the ease. You’re not falling behind—you’re finding your way.

14/05/2025

🌪️ Your body isn’t overreacting—it’s trying to protect you 🌱💗

Fight-or-flight mode was built to keep us safe from life-threatening danger (like being chased by a bear). But these days? Our nervous system can misread everyday stress—like a full inbox, an awkward conversation, or even a friend not replying—as a real threat.

Cue the racing heart, tense shoulders, and urge to cancel plans or shut down.

The truth is, your brain’s just trying to help… it just hasn’t updated its software.

The good news? You can teach it.
With practice—through deep breathing, grounding, gentle movement, or reframing our thoughts—we can signal to our nervous system that we’re actually safe. Over time, we can retrain our response.

Have you ever caught your body going into survival mode over something totally non-life-threatening?

Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear your experiences.

12/05/2025

✅ The Small Victories That No One Sees 🌱

Sometimes, the biggest wins don’t come with applause or praise. They come in the quiet moments—when you make your bed, take a proper shower, or eat a full meal instead of skipping it entirely.

They come when you manage to reply to a message you’ve been avoiding, or swap phone scrolling for a few mindful minutes with a colouring book or a crossword.

🌎 To the outside world, these things might seem small. But inside your nervous system? They’re monumental ✨

Here’s why:

🌪️ When we’re overwhelmed, burnt out, or low—our brain’s reward system can take a hit. That means we get less dopamine from the things that used to light us up. The “get up and go” signal becomes muffled.

Gentle, achievable tasks—like brushing your hair, changing into clean clothes, or tidying your space—can slowly nudge that dopamine system back online.

Each time you complete a tiny action, your brain learns: this helped… we can do this again.

👏🥳 Small victories retrain a tired brain 🌱

Not feeling up to a full house clean? Just wash one mug. Too tired to cook? Make a toastie and eat it mindfully. Can’t focus on a book? Listen to a 5-minute podcast while stretching your legs.

The goal isn’t perfection—it’s momentum.

Tiny, doable shifts that whisper to your nervous system:

🗣️ "You’re safe. You’re doing okay. You’re moving forward."

If the mountain feels too big today, climb a hill instead.

That’s still progress ❤️

23/04/2025

An interesting perspective for those of us with an unopened message graveyard 💙

I’ll admit it—there have been moments when I’ve caught myself ignoring a message on my phone. Maybe a…

11/04/2025

💯🥳

31/03/2025

"Have faith in what you do know, and learn from what you don't know" - Into the Wild Counselling 🌱✨

03/03/2025

Lucky to Call This My Office 🌿

Some days, I take a deep breath, look around, and remind myself—this is my office. Not a stuffy room with a ticking clock, but open skies, fresh air, and the steady rhythm of footsteps.

I didn’t choose walk-and-talk therapy just to help others—it helps me too. Being outdoors keeps me motivated, keeps my mind clear, and reminds me that change is always happening, even when it feels slow. The seasons shift, the trees bud and bloom, and little by little, things move forward.

That’s how healing works too. Some conversations are easier when you’re side by side, when there’s no pressure to keep eye contact, no walls closing in. Walking gives space to breathe, to think, to process. It’s less intimidating, more natural—just two people, moving forward together, at whatever pace feels right.

If you’ve ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or like traditional therapy isn’t for you, maybe this is what you need. A gentle step forward. A space to talk without pressure. A chance to reconnect with yourself, with nature, and with what really matters.

Well done again, Charnock Richard ❤️ It’s a privilege to walk these paths with you. If this sounds like something that could help, reach out—I’d love to walk alongside you too.

27/02/2025

💔 Stop Chasing, Start Healing 💔

✨ Have you ever found yourself drawn to people who can’t—or won’t—meet you where you are? The ones who keep you guessing, who give just enough to keep you holding on, who make you feel like if you just tried harder, did more, were better… maybe then they’d choose you?

🔍 This isn’t random. It’s not weakness. It’s not a coincidence that you keep chasing love from those who can’t give it. Your brain learned somewhere—maybe long ago—that love was something to earn. That being needed was safer than being seen. That if you could fix them, help them, prove your worth, you’d finally feel the love and security you crave.

🧠 This is a survival response. When we experience emotional neglect, inconsistent love, or relational wounds, our nervous system adapts. It learns to work for connection, to chase it instead of receiving it. Over time, this becomes autopilot—a pattern of pouring yourself into people who keep you hungry for scraps, because hunger feels familiar.

🎭 And when they pull away, reject, or remain unavailable? That pain feels unbearable—so you dissociate, distract, amplify. You overthink, overfunction, or throw yourself into fixing someone else’s chaos. Because stopping—sitting still with your emotions—feels terrifying.

🌿 But here’s the truth: No amount of chasing will heal the part of you that feels unworthy. No amount of fixing will make someone love you the way you deserve. The only way out of this cycle is to stop running.

💖 So how do you do that?

1️⃣ Pause—When you feel the urge to prove your worth, notice it. Ask yourself: What am I avoiding feeling?

2️⃣ Sit with it—Breathe. Let the discomfort rise. It won’t break you. The pain you’ve been running from is just a wounded part of you asking to be seen.

3️⃣ Self-check—Are you giving more than you’re receiving? Are you chasing an emotional high, or real connection?

4️⃣ Redirect—What would it look like to pour all that love, effort, and energy into yourself instead?

5️⃣ Repeat—Healing isn’t one decision; it’s a practice. Every time you choose to stay with yourself instead of chasing someone else, you rewrite the pattern.

💖 You don’t have to earn love. You don’t have to fix people to be worthy of care. You don’t have to prove your value to anyone. It’s time to stop running and start feeling—because feeling is what leads to healing. And you deserve to heal.

27/02/2025

🛑 Boundaries: The Bridge to Self-Respect 🛑 (scroll down for boundary examples)

✨ Ever tried setting a boundary and felt awful afterward? Maybe you second-guessed yourself, felt guilty, or worried you were being “too much.” Maybe you even backtracked, just to keep the peace. If so, you’re not alone. Setting boundaries can feel clunky at first—like learning a new language when everyone around you expects you to keep speaking the old one.

🔍 Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out. They’re about letting yourself in—giving yourself the space, respect, and self-worth you deserve. But if you weren’t taught how to set them growing up, your brain has likely defaulted to the path of least resistance—people-pleasing, overextending, avoiding conflict. It makes sense. Your nervous system has learned that keeping others happy = staying safe.

🧠 Here’s the science: Your brain loves efficiency. When you’ve spent years (or decades) ignoring your own needs, setting a boundary will feel unnatural at first. That’s neuroplasticity at play—your brain is wired to repeat what it knows. But with practice, those neural pathways can rewire, and boundaries will start to feel good—even empowering.

🎭 The hardest part? Knowing what to say. Without phrases in your toolkit, boundaries can feel impossible to enforce. So here’s your permission slip to borrow these until they feel like second nature:

⏳ Time & Energy Boundaries

“I can’t commit to that right now.”
“I’m not available this weekend, but I hope you have a great time!”
“I need some downtime after work, so I won’t be answering calls in the evenings.”
“I’d love to help, but I don’t have the capacity for that right now.”
“I can chat, but only for 10 minutes.”

❤️ Emotional Boundaries

“I care about you, but I can’t be your only source of support.”
“I understand that you’re upset, but I won’t be spoken to that way.”
“I can support you, but I won’t engage in gossip.”
“I won’t discuss my personal life at work.”
“I can’t hold space for this conversation right now, but I can check in later.”

🚧 Work & Professional Boundaries

“I won’t be responding to emails outside of work hours.”
“I can take this on, but I’ll need an extended deadline.”
“That’s not within my role—let’s find someone better suited to help.”
“I appreciate your feedback, but I stand by my decision.”
“I can’t stay late today, I have other commitments.”

👨‍👨‍👦‍👦 Family Boundaries

“I know you mean well, but I don’t need advice on this.”
“I appreciate your concern, but my parenting choices are not up for discussion.”
“I’m happy to visit, but I’ll be leaving by 5pm.”
“I’m not comfortable discussing that topic.”
“I love you, but I won’t tolerate disrespect.”

🫂 Social Boundaries

“I need some alone time, so I’ll pass on plans this time.”
“I don’t drink, but I’m happy to come along and socialise.”
“That joke makes me uncomfortable—please don’t say that around me.”
“I don’t feel like hugging today, but it’s great to see you!”
“I’ll let you know if I change my mind, but please don’t pressure me.”

💻 Digital & Online Boundaries

“I won’t be responding to messages immediately—thank you for your patience.”
“I don’t feel comfortable sharing that online.”
“I’m taking a break from social media, so I might be slower to reply.”
“I’d rather not discuss private matters over text.”
“I prefer to keep this conversation in person rather than through DMs.”

💍 Dating & Relationship Boundaries

“I need open communication in my relationships.”
“I’m not comfortable moving this fast—I’d like to take things slower.”
“I need to be spoken to with respect, even when we disagree.”
“My needs matter too, and I won’t ignore them to keep the peace.”
“I love you, but I won’t engage in toxic patterns.”

🛁 Self-Care & Personal Growth Boundaries

“I won’t apologise for prioritising my well-being.”
“I’m not responsible for managing other people’s emotions.”
“Saying ‘no’ doesn’t mean I don’t care—it means I respect my limits.”
“My peace is more important than pleasing everyone.”
“I am allowed to change, grow, and set new boundaries as I evolve.”

🌿 At first, enforcing boundaries might feel clunky, awkward, or even wrong. That’s just your brain adjusting. But over time, something shifts. You start to notice how much calmer life feels when you’re not saying ‘yes’ out of obligation. You start to feel proud of yourself for honouring your needs.

💖 You deserve relationships that respect your comfort. You deserve to take up space without guilt. Boundaries are not selfish—they’re necessary. And with practice, they’ll stop feeling like something you should do and start feeling like something you wouldn’t dream of living without.

26/02/2025

🌊 How to Surf an Urge 🌊

✨ Ever felt an overwhelming urge—whether it’s to check your phone, eat when you’re not hungry, lash out in frustration, or fall into an old habit you’re trying to break? Urges can feel like tidal waves, sudden and powerful, pulling us in before we even realise what’s happening. But here’s the good news: you don’t have to fight the wave—you can surf it.

🔍 Urges are just temporary signals from the brain, often driven by habit loops and emotions. Your brain is wired for immediate gratification—it wants relief now. This comes from deep survival instincts; avoiding discomfort helped our ancestors stay safe. But in modern life, not every urge needs to be obeyed. The discomfort of an urge isn’t a command—it’s just a wave passing through.

🧠 Enter urge surfing. Instead of reacting or suppressing, we ride the wave. Research in addiction and behaviour change shows that cravings and urges peak like a wave—growing stronger, then fading away if we don’t act on them. If you can sit with an urge instead of giving in, you teach your brain that you don’t have to obey every impulse. Over time, the waves get smaller.

🎭 Many of us mistake urges for identity. “I feel anxious, so I must escape.” “I crave sugar, so I have no willpower.” “I feel angry, so I must react.” But an urge is just a passing experience—not who you are. Masking, avoiding, or giving in to every urge keeps the cycle going. Learning to ride them out builds resilience.

🌿 So how do you surf an urge?

1️⃣ Notice it—Pause. Name what you’re feeling without judgment. "I’m feeling restless. I want to scroll. I want to lash out.”

2️⃣ Observe the wave—Where do you feel it in your body? Is it tension in your chest? An itch in your hands? Stay curious.

3️⃣ Breathe through it—Slow, deep breaths. Imagine yourself floating on the urge rather than drowning in it.

4️⃣ Ride it out—Urges peak and fade. Distract yourself, move, or engage in something soothing until it passes.

5️⃣ Celebrate—Each time you surf an urge, you strengthen your ability to manage it next time.

💖 The more you practice, the less power urges have over you. You are not your impulses. You are the surfer, not the wave. 🌊

26/02/2025

🌸 Stop Comparing Your Bloom to Theirs 🌸

✨ Have you ever scrolled through social media and felt like you’re somehow falling behind? Like everyone else is thriving, achieving, glowing—while you’re just… trying to get through the day?

🔍 The truth is, we all compare ourselves to others. It’s wired into us. From an evolutionary perspective, comparison helped our ancestors survive. If you were too different from the group, you risked rejection—so your brain learned to scan for what was ‘normal’ and adjust accordingly.

🧠 Enter mirror neurons—the part of our brain that helps us learn by observing. These neurons fire when we watch someone else do something, making it feel as though we’re experiencing it too. It’s why we unconsciously mimic behaviours, accents, and even emotions. But in today’s world, where we consume carefully curated versions of people’s lives on social media, mirror neurons can trick us into believing we should be living the way they are.

🎭 And then there’s masking. Many of us—especially those who’ve ever felt like they don’t quite fit—become experts at blending in, suppressing our true selves to match the energy of those around us. Social media amplifies this. People don’t post their self-doubt, their bad days, their messy emotions. They post their highlight reel—the best angles, the achievements, the moments that make them look like they have it all together. And when we compare our reality to their performance, we always come up short.

🌿 But here’s the thing: comparison only makes sense if we’re all the same species of flower. And we’re not. Some of us are sunflowers, standing tall and radiant. Some are wildflowers, growing freely in unexpected places. Some are delicate cherry blossoms, flourishing for a season before resting. We all have different environments, different needs, different timelines. You wouldn’t tell a daisy it’s failing because it isn’t a rose. So why do that to yourself?

💖 Your path is yours. Your timing is right for you. Just because someone else is blooming doesn’t mean you’re behind—it just means you’re growing in your own way, in your own time. Trust your process. 🌱