SmallTalk Speech & Language Therapy

27/11/2025

Book launch (re-scheduled) 11th December. Let's Talk about DLD and getting a book pubished with Libby and Jo Wildsmith. We'll also have a free draw to win a copy of the book. So if you are interetsed in DLD or thinking about publishing your story, join us!

We are an award winning speech and language therapy team who offer tailor-made courses for parents and staff on a wide variety of speech, language and communication issues.

27/11/2025

Number 1 in kindle in US! 😄

26/11/2025

I like Prizant’s work and Jaime’s insight is amazing

On language as resonance, literacy as belonging, and the long return from misrecognition to wholeness—where softness becomes strength and thought finally blooms into sound.

26/11/2025

How do you explain DLD to others? This is one of the chapters in the the new DLD handbook for parents. I've taken questions that parents have asked over the years and turned them into a simple practical guide. If you or someone you know has a child or young person with DLD, take a look https://amzn.eu/d/9qJ9LyL

25/11/2025

Just in case you havent seen this…

Thank you so much to everyone who has explored and shared the Barriers to Education website since its launch last month! We’ve received some amazing feedback, as well as some great new ideas and contributions, and it’s been really wonderful to see the site beginning to grow in the way we hoped - as a shared, evolving resource shaped by the people using it.

We’re working our way through your messages and really appreciate the feedback we have received so far. In response to your suggestions, some of the things we’re currently working on are accessible downloads of key information, and additional content focused on supporting young people with Long Covid and similar chronic health-related barriers.

If you haven’t visited yet, or if you’d like to share something that’s working in your area, you can check out the site and contact the Barriers to Education team via the link in the comments:

25/11/2025

WHAT CHILDREN DON’T TELL US…
1. Don’t shout at me.
When you raise your voice, I get scared. I start thinking that if you’re yelling at me, something must be wrong with me.
2. Listen to me.
When I tell you about things that matter to me, look into my eyes. It makes me feel that I — and my little world — are important to you.
3. Let me grow at my own pace.
Don’t push me into things I’m not ready for. Remember, I’m a child, and I learn best by playing and exploring.
4. I love when you spend time with me.
When you’re in a good mood, laugh with me, play with me — we create memories I’ll carry into adulthood.
5. Don’t compare me to siblings or other kids.
It makes me feel “less,” and I need your acceptance more than anything.
6. Hold me when I’m sad.
Let me cry. Don’t tell me boys don’t cry or that I’m being too dramatic. My feelings are real — just like yours.
7. Teach me how to care for myself.
Rest, sleep, have your hobbies, meet your friends. Show me that being a parent can bring joy. It hurts me to see you exhausted, angry, or sacrificing everything for me — it makes me worry that it’s my fault.
8. Stay close when I’m scared.
Don’t laugh at my childhood fears. Tell me you were once afraid of the dark too, and let me keep a flashlight by my pillow.
9. Love me simply because I exist.
Not because I run fast, say poems, or behave perfectly. Love me even when I make mistakes — I need to know your love doesn’t disappear when I fail.
10. Show love to your partner.
From you, I learn how to handle conflict, face difficulties, and understand what real love looks like.
11. Remember that I will likely adopt your beliefs — about myself, about others, and about life.
Think about whether these beliefs are true and whether they will help me. If you believe the world is dangerous and people are bad, I may grow up fearful and distrustful.
12. I know you love me and try your best.
Show me that bad days and small failures are normal. Learn from them, take care of yourself, and forgive yourself — and I’ll learn to do the same.
13. Smile at me.
Your genuine smile soothes me. It makes me feel safe. It makes me feel loved.
👉 “If your child is often scared, cries easily, or feels insecure… click the link to explore gentle, practical, and science-based solutions that other parents are already using successfully.”
(https://xakhosteph.steamfamily1.com/?utm_source=ND&fbclid=IwY2xjawNmesdleHRuA2FlbQIxMABicmlkETFMNXl2WFdKZG1rZDNUZW13AR5lpJctbEpOhpny_RCQ8iFMpkh8wfI9ETW_BzaIbpkRxTWJR8IGDQXPCauNLg_aem_tX3WeGM5GcR1asd6yO8FOw&utm_campaign=ND31&utm_medium=paid&utm_id=120236135102730510&utm_content=120236135102740510&utm_term=120236135102750510)

25/11/2025

we see this alot but everyone needs someone to advocate for them until they are ready to do it for themself. Thats the goal: to be their authentic self and to be able to advocate for themself.

💜💙 Why some autistic young people ask their parent to speak for them 💙💜

I wanted to share something I see all the time- both as a Grandmother and in my work, and I know many of you will relate…

You’re stood there, someone asks your young person a question… about their day, an achievement or something similar and they immediately turn to you and say,

“You tell them?”

And you’re left wondering, Why? They know the answer 🤔

Here’s the truth 👇

For many autistic young people, speaking in certain situations can be really challenging …

Their brain is already juggling masking, reading the room, managing sensory overwhelm, predicting people’s reactions, fatigue … and then someone adds a social demand on top.

That question becomes too much 😔

So asking parent /carers (or their safe person) to speak is actually them saying:

“I can’t do the social bit right now… please help me.”

💙 Being put on the spot, with all attention on them
💜 Worry about getting it wrong or sounding rude
💙 Can’t find the words when pressure hits
💜 Feel unsafe after past experiences of being misunderstood and rejected
💙 Having already spoken about this too much already
💜Worried about the response they may receive

They use you as their emotional buffer so they can stay regulated 🙏🏼

And honestly? It’s completely okay.
You’re their safe place 🧑‍🧒

The goal is never to force them to speak.
It’s to help them feel safe enough to speak when they’re ready.

If this is your young person, you’re not alone, and there’s nothing “wrong” with them. Their brain is just working incredibly hard behind the scenes.

Sending love to all the parent/ carers who quietly step in and hold space for their young people until they can do it themselves.

Patsy x 💜💙

25/11/2025

25/11/2025

🌿 “Picking Your Battles” Through a Polyvagal Lens

Yesterday I had my 2 year old Grand-daughter for the day. She is at the stage where she wants autonomy; she is developing her uniqueness and pushing boundaries. She is also recovering from tonsillitis. So when she said she wanted to keep her pyjamas on and not get dressed, I said Ok. We were only going to my house so it really didnt matter. When I mentioned this to someone later, they told me I was spoiling her and 'she had to learn.' I suggested that maybe they needed to learn all about behaviour and regulation. Stephen Porges' Poly-vagal theory has the answers.

Polyvagal Theory helps us understand that behaviour isn’t about defiance or being difficult — it’s about nervous system state.
When a child feels safe, they can learn, cooperate and connect. When they feel threatened, overwhelmed, or out of control, they shift into fight, flight, or shutdown.

Picking your battles is really about choosing interactions that keep the child in – or gently guide them back to – the safe and social state.

⭐ What “picking your battles” means polyvagally

1️⃣ Protecting the child’s sense of safety

Before reacting to a behaviour, we ask:

* “Will intervening increase their feeling of safety?”
* “Or will it push them further into fight/flight/shutdown?”

If the correction will feel like a threat to the child’s nervous system, it's usually not worth the battle.

2️⃣ Reducing unnecessary triggers

Many “battles” come from:

* sensory overload
* loss of predictability
* demand pressure
* social anxiety
* fatigue
* transitions

Avoiding or softening triggers means the child is less likely to dysregulate, so fewer battles arise.

3️⃣ Prioritising connection over compliance

Polyvagal Theory teaches that connection comes before cooperation.

A connected child:

* can follow boundaries
* can co-regulate
* can learn and repair

A stressed child cannot.

So we pick battles that maintain or repair connection, not ones that damage it.

4️⃣ Choosing moments when the child is regulated

You cannot teach when the child is in:

* fight (hitting, shouting)
* flight (running away, refusing)
* freeze/shutdown (silent, still, withdrawn)

If a battle pushes them deeper into these states, it’s counterproductive.

We intervene most effectively when the child is:

* calm enough
* connected enough
* safe enough

⭐ What battles ARE worth picking (polyvagally)

🛡️ 1. Safety

Anything that risks serious harm requires intervention, but done with calm, predictable energy:

e.g. “I’ll keep you safe. I’m going to move the scissors away.”

💞 2. Protection of others’ nervous systems

If the child’s actions dysregulate others (younger sibling, pet), you step in gently but clearly:

E.g. “I can’t let you hit. My job is to keep all bodies safe.”

🧠 3. Co-regulation learning

Moments where you can teach regulation, not punish behaviour:

E.g. “Let’s pause together. Breathe with me. Your body feels fast.”

⭐ What battles are not worth picking (polyvagally)

🫧 Situations where the child is dysregulated

Correcting behaviour in a meltdown or shutdown is not helpful. Their system cannot learn at that moment.

🌀 Issues rooted in sensory need or anxiety

* needing the same cup
* refusing certain clothes
* lining up toys
* needing quiet space

These are regulation strategies, not misbehaviour.

🧩 Situations where the adult goal is preference, not necessity

If the thing only matters to the adult’s idea of “how it should be,” let it go.

🔥 Any battle that increases demand pressure

Especially for PDA profiles, added demands trigger threat responses.
If the demand is not essential, reducing it prevents escalation.

⭐ A simple Polyvagal rule:

If your response will pull the child OUT of safety… don’t pick the battle

If your response will move the child:

* towards calm,
* towards connection,
* towards regulation,
then it’s worth engaging.

🌈 Examples (Polyvagal + neurodivergent)

🟩 Not worth the battle

* Wanting the blue cup instead of the green
* Wearing mismatched clothing/keeping PJs on
* Jumping on the sofa safely
* Avoiding eye contact
* Eating only preferred foods that day
* Needing extra time to transition

These are regulation choices or sensory needs.

🟥 Worth the battle (done calmly)

* Running into the road
* Aggressive actions that could hurt someone
* Touching hot surfaces
* Throwing heavy objects
* Unsafe climbing

Because safety restores the nervous system, not threatens it.

⭐ The Polyvagal Flow for Adults

When a possible battle arises: As yourself DIRM (Does it really matter?)

1. Pause
Notice your nervous system. Are you regulated?

2. Assess
Is this about safety or learning? Or about preference?

3. Connect
Use warm tone, proximity, soft eyes.

4. Co-regulate
Slow your breathing. Offer a simple support (“I’m right here.”)

5. Guide
Offer the boundary calmly and predictably.


I dont think they will speak to me again but Does It Really Matter?

25/11/2025

The paperback version is now out!

https://amzn.to/4p8wxU8

24/11/2025

NEW article: Delving Into the Complexity of Unmasking Safely

As part of Neurokindred's Thriving Autistically online wellbeing festival, Kieran Rose, The Autistic Advocate, and I spent two hours discussing masking and answering questions from the Autistic audience.

The event wasn’t recorded, so this article is a curated and edited version.

Kieran began by conceptualising masking; busting some of the myths that surround it; and looking at why we do it. I then delved into how we might be able to start unmasking safely, and considered why it’s not as simple as a lot of the mainstream narratives suggest.

The webinar drew on our previous work, training, and resources, as well as adding new context, content, and practical application.

This piece is necessarily long (more than 10,000 words). Masking is a topic that is frequently over-simplified to the point of being reduced to a caricature, and this all needs unpicking and recontextualising before getting to the idea of unmasking.

Masking touches on a range of experiences around stigmatisation, oppression, abuse and poor mental health, so please be mindful of this before reading.

https://jadefarrington.substack.com/p/delving-into-the-complexity-of-unmasking

23/11/2025

New podcast from PDA Society