EmbraceStress

Don't let stress limit you, use it to drive you forward. Transform stress to feel in control, energized, connected & resilient.

Understand the science of stress, your stress triggers & response, & we will create your Personal Stress Reset Strategy. Use Neuroscience, psychology & wellbeing to feel in control, energized, connected & resilient

27/10/2023

I’ve had some really lovely feedback on this podcast with .massage.business.mama

Have you listened to it yet?

One of the things we discuss (among many) is why we shouldn’t just avoid or repress our feelings of stress.

They are there for a reason. We can learn to interpret them to make changes (often only small tweaks) that will improve how we live, work, relate to others

10/10/2023

It was an absolute pleasure to speak to Ali about my approach to stress management. We covered all sorts of topics
- how we should really be defining stress
- what early warning signs we can look out for to stop stress tipping into burnout
- how we can build effective stress strategies and still stick with our goals and ambitions
- why it’s important to have boundaries even when we want to help those struggling with stress
- how being open about how we react under pressure can improve our own performance AND prevent others from feeling isolated

Have a listen and let me know what you think or if you have any questions …. Link to the spotify podcast below

28/03/2023

Are you a worrier? Is it quietly one of the biggest causes of stress and a drain on your time, energy, motivation, and progress?

A lot of people just identify themselves as “a worrier” (or over-thinker for those who don’t like the word worry!) and assume they can’t do anything about it (or it’s not worth the effort … too much else to worry about).

BUT being even mildly stressed will increase our awareness and propensity to worry, and vice versa - the “alarm/threat” system in the brain is more active than normal in both states.
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Yes, it’s good to talk about worries, but if there’s no one around, or you just don’t feel like talking what can you do?
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How can you worry well? What can you do to focus your time, energy, and emotion elsewhere (telling yourself “not to worry” is unlikely to do the trick!)

5 tips for dealing with everyday worries ⬇️

- accept your tendency to worry and allocate a set time in the day specifically for this. Keep a “worry pad” where you can jot down any distracting thoughts (literally get them out of your head)
- acknowledge worries as a thought. Rather than focus on it, let it pass
- imagine yourself overcoming it
- take one small first action step (pick one worry at a time!)
- look for solid evidence to support your worry ... Only 3% of our worries materialise ...

What do you find yourself worrying about? Do you use any of these tips?

27/02/2023

When the chips are down, how good is your decision making under pressure?

Poker players know as well as anyone that making bad decisions under stress is costly. Which is why they have a specific term for the emotional & mental confusion they experience in these high pressure situations - TILT.

Tilt is basically a really good example of the stress response in action. In the pressure of the situation, our rational, logical brain is being overpowered by our emotional and survival instincts. Discipline and decision making skills go out of the window.

Good poker players admit that everyone suffers tilt sometimes … and they work at creating specific strategies for handling it.

They don’t give up playing poker forever!

They
- take a short break - get space, slow down and reset
-Focus on the moment, don’t become pre-occupied with whatever has happened in the past
- Go back to basic fundamentals of the game - re-engage the rational and logical brain
- know what is dominating your reactions?
- Decide what state or mindset you want to be in going forward and what that means you need to change for your strategy/next play (ie allow yourself to move forward)
- Recognise that every player suffers from Tilt sometimes, and everyone is different.
- Learn from past situations … take note and look for patterns
- be aware of other, non-related triggers (drinking, sleep,..)
- prepare in advance to Inject logic or fact to counter the thought pattern.

Unbeknown to them, poker players have been following an almost perfect Stress Reset strategy to manage tilt. Exactly the same techniques and part of the framework I teach on the course /coaching.
They put a little bit of work in and get lasting, repeatable results to improve their reaction to stress.

Message me to find out more 📩

27/01/2023

So… already the last Friday in January. It feels like a month with 300 days, and those 2023 goals might feel a long way off despite the frantic start.

A lot of coaching conversations this week have been along these lines. Growing feelings of stress/anxiety/dread/slow drowning and lack of progress feel too familiar. New year energy and enthusiasm is waning, pressure to “make things happen” is building up.

Or is it?

Most of the time that pressure is of our own making. It’s based on a perception of progress rather than an analysis of it.

We are naturally going to pay more attention to things that don’t go as planned, that we still need to do. And over look or undervalue what we have done, small wins, areas of learning. We also attach emotion or weight to certain things which can skew our perception and make us feel like we have less power over the outcomes.

When I do my analysis of January I’m sure that, like everyone, I will have more wins than I thought. And by taking the emotion out of disappointments, I can find ways to improve the win rate in February, to take back some of the control.

It doesn’t have to take hours - even 15mins can rebalance perception vs reality.

Need a few prompts? See the post 👆If you are on my email list this week will include more month end reflection suggestions)

It’s ONLY the end of January, so it’s a good time to make adjustments and course correct.

What questions would you ask in your month end analysis?

23/01/2023

What would you say instead of “I’m stressed”? (and no, I don’t mean the classic reframe “I’m not stressed I’m excited”!)

I asked this question in a workshop this week … 30 people = 30 different answers. “I’m stressed” doesn’t mean the same to everyone, and the best action for each person will not be the same either.

“I’m stressed” is lazy language. It’s a simple default word that our brain – not in its best thinking or processing state when we are under any form of stress – is going to get to without much effort. It's an umbrella term we can hide behind. A vague expression that doesn’t suggest any specific action.

5 reasons to look for a clearer description than “stressed”
• Frequently describing ourselves as “stressed” can lead to us assuming “stressed person” as an identity. This is not empowering and can make us feel slightly helpless or trapped.
• Using more precise words can help us identify an action to move forward, find a solution or ease the feeling
• It makes it easier for other people to understand us … clear words are easier to empathise with, or lead to better advice/help.
• It’s simpler to spot patterns vs one-offs. Do you regularly feel tense or put upon or hyped up? Look for ways to address these on an on-going basis.
• Asking yourself a question “what am I really feeling right now?” , “can I be more precise?” or “is that the best word I can use?” is going to help reconnect your executive brain functions and switch you out of fight or flight state

The phrase “Use your words” applies to adults not just children in the midst of a mini-meltdown.

07/10/2022

Monday 10th October - Free Workshorp for freelancers “Stressed to Best” - to celebrate World Mental Health Day

Many companies have come a long way to raise awareness and improve the support offered to employees

… but what about those who work for themselves?

Freelance doesn’t mean free from stress!
It’s a life of uncertain income, juggling all the roles (admin, strategy, creative,..), tricky clients, and often it becomes your whole life with no support resources.

Vicky, Founder of .co, has invited me to host a workshop to honour the freelance struggle.

I’ll share practical tips on how to manage and use your stress productively - so it can actually help not hinder you!

Learn strategies to tackle overthinking, procrastination, overwhelm and alllll the unhelpful behaviours that affect our mental health and can make freelancing feel stressful.

Plus it'll be a safe space to ask questions!

££: FREE. Donations to Mind charity welcomed, for World Mental Health Day :)

Sign up to save your spot and get the Zoom link.

28/01/2022

Are you a weekend worrier?

If only it were as easy as switching off on Friday at 5pm!

How often do you hear or say “don’t worry” and try to ignore the thought only for it to reappear, taking time from other things you want to do?

When we ignore a worry, our brain thinks it will never be able to solve it so works even harder. We can end up in tighter and tighter worry loops.

Instead, try the opposite approach ... face the worry head on by

- acknowledging what you are worried about… say it out loud, write it down…
- decide how likely it is to actually happen, or how bad is it really… maybe use a scal of 1-10
- and think of an action you can take to mitigate it. If it scored a 7, what could move it to 6.5?! (Repeat with incremental improvements until you feel more relaxed about the situation)

Often we don’t need something to be eliminated, we just need to feel that it will be manageable …

Even a small improvement will decrease worry and allow you to move forward.

26/01/2022

One thing that was really important to me from the start was to have a platform where anyone can access information and tools to improve their relationship with stress … in the workplace or as individuals

This means there are several ways to learn how to Embrace Stress either as part of a group or in your own time.

My next group coaching starts in mid Feb.

>>> link in bio to find out more or sign up to the newsletter >>>

Yes, I also do webinars and workshops which can be tailored to the needs of your group - DM or email me if you would like to host one.

And lastly, I would LOVE to add a Wellness retreat to this list … a chance for people to reset both mentally and physically. If you know any fitness retreats you think would make a great partner … hook me up! 🧠💪🏻🏃🏼‍♀️🥗

25/01/2022

🤔 Will working while I am on holiday make my stress worse?

Honestly, it depends why you are doing it and for how long!

Yes … we all need to rest, recharge, get a different perspective on things by slowing down, spending proper time being present with people

BUT

Clearly from the photo, I am on holiday AND I am working… 🤷‍♀️

I’m trying to build a business, I love what I do, and I want to do a really god job for people who engage me. It would be too easy to keep working …

So I make sure I set a few ground rules in advance.

- WHY do I feel the need to work … am I genuinely making a choice or do I feel I have no option / will I resent it later (which raises bigger flags)
- have I opened my laptop with a real goal or purpose for the time
- set a time limit on the work, and preferably in the “dead” time (for me that’s early morning)
- do I feel less worried, stressed, or distracted after a couple of hours focused work? (rather than trying to squeeze in bits here and there, never enjoying any of it!)
- let the people you are with know what boundaries you have set (no sneaking off!)

One thing I focus on the The Stress Reset is that setting boundaries isn’t about following other peoples rules … it’s knowing what is going to work for you. >>> link in bio >>>

21/01/2022

It’s so important to celebrate wins or achievements … and the people who support us through them.
It’s something our over full, over busy, over achieving world doesn’t encourage enough or leave much space for.

But if this wasn’t worth celebrating what is?! (At least that’s what our mind is probably telling us!)

It doesn’t have to be big or expensive but something that really acknowledges the effort, learning, time, emotion, stress and kindness that was required.

This week was meant to be graduation week for my Masters. The ceremony may have been cancelled, but I still wanted to celebrate properly with my support network … they were there for every essay and expletive-ridden rant!

11/01/2022

The most common reaction to stress is to simply ignore it… to tough it out… to hope it will go away…. To tell ourselves it’s really not that bad… to assume this is what’s needed if you want to achieve.

It took me years to realise that simply treating the symptoms or ignoring the stress until it went away actually didn't help. It just built up until I was forced to take a break (usually in the form of a holiday I wasted recovering!)

Want to conquer your stress?? The steps that changed my reaction to stress started with me embracing it as part of life
.. 1) really RECOGNISE my relationship with stress💭
… 2) RESET and believe that I could make a difference
… 3) stop making excuses for not trying and stop pushing it down the list because “it’s not that bad” (I assure you, even low level stress makes a difference on how well you work, feel and interact with people!)

If you want to learn more about developing a personal strategy for dealing with stress, click the link in our bio! 📲

But I’m curious … what stops you from changing your relationship with stress?

15/12/2021

ASK FOR, AND ACCEPT, HELP!

Asking for and accepting help can feel really hard, especially when we are already in the thick of it, feeling stressed or under pressure to get everything done, to make things perfect or to take the load off everyone else.

Controlling the process may seem like the easiest way forward but it can actually raise everyone’s stress levels

🎅🏻people like to feel that they contribute to the tribe rather than being a burden on it
🎅🏻Feeling totally responsible for the success of the day (and the complete happiness of the tribe) will likely trigger an equally high state of awareness.
🎅🏻Completing even small tasks or group efforts trigger the reward system and bring greater feelings of togetherness (watching people help releases oxytocin... watching people act as unpaid slave does not, and nor does feeling like one!)
🎅🏻 One persons vision for a "good" Christmas might not be the same as everyone else's… frustration can manifest as ungrateful… and spiral!

There are various ways of asking for help or accepting help when it is offered

1. Before you ask for help, identify what you really need. What do you find most stressful or annoying or unnecessary? What outcome or end result should the help bring (be clear on the outcome not how to do it unless they ask!)
2. If you aren't used to asking or you dont think they help enough, plan what you are going to say… and if you know what you would like them to do, tell them in advance so they can plan or bring what they need to do it their way.
3. If someone offers to contribute, unless there is something specific you want, ask what they would like to bring (it might be something that they particularly associate with Christmas)
4. Is there a job someone else really enjoys but you don’t? I dont really care about table decorations but someone else is really good at them.
5. Once you have asked for help let them be responsible for it ... no micro-managing or interfering
6. If you want people to help themselves to basics, spell it out by showing them where the stuff is.
7. Don't forget to thank people for their help.

What do you like to help with in preparation for Christmas?

14/12/2021

Christmas, possibly this year more than ever, is an important time for connecting with loved ones.

However, we can't pretend that these gatherings always go smoothly.

Be it the stress to make the occasion perfect, lack of sleep, effect of the alcohol, or difficulty in finding our "role" in the re-formed tribe (think grown up children back at parents home, different parenting styles, friends with opposing ideas, someone else’s input on the best way to cook Turkey,…) irritation rises and tempers can become short.

It can lead to a lot of anxiety and fear in anticipation of the event. It can be hard to remember why you invited them in the first place! (Or maybe that’s just me?!)

TIP: Remember what people bring to your life or happy times you have spent with them in advance

🎁Write a mental (or real) "Gratitude Christmas Card" for each person
- What 3-4 things make you happy to have these people in your life?
- How do you (or could you) let them know this?

Having this list fresh in your mind help curb an over-reaction in the moment. It should also help to ease overwhelm / refocus preparation on the reason for the gathering rather than a “perfect” event.

There are also a lot of studies to show the benefits of cultivating an attitude of gratitude - maintaining positive mood, greater emotional wellbeing, lower tendency to dwell on negatives or stressful events, better relationships, and better health.

13/12/2021

Is Christmas Stress an inevitable and unavoidable part of the festive season or are there things you can do (beyond powering through or planning every minute) to make the next few weeks feel more enjoyable and less forced?

STEP ONE : Plan to avoid the worst not create perfection.

I know … "bah humbug" but stick with me.

A lot of pre-Christmas Stress comes from either setting ultra-high expectations for the day and/or dreading a repeat of disasters from past Christmases.

Take a little time to recognise what the Christmas trigger points are for you & your family (people not helping, TV fights, too many dietary requests, politics, not getting out & about, drunk uncle, lack of sleep, too much sugar, ...). Everyone's trigger points are different.

Then come up with little "rescue" plans to avoid them or salvage the situation should they happen this year (there will be some suggestions for how to plan or rescue common situations in the next few days)

This addresses a couple of stressors in a really brain friendly way.

🎄It avoids the expectation of perfection from creeping in .
🧠We tackle stress at it's source ... which is anything the brain considers "unpredictable, uncontrollable, unnecessary".
💪🏻We get a feeling of competence and confidence that we have it covered! We wont be relying on our emotional (possibly alcohol fuelled) brain to find solutions in the moment
😁There will be more brain space to think about the happy, positive aspects of Christmas

I know it seems counterintuitive to actively think about the things that might stress you … but if they are weighing on your mind anyway why not use the mental energy to find solutions or dismiss them properly rather than fighting to suppress them?

So take 5-10 minutes to write down....
- What do you find most unmanageable about Christmas?
- What could you do to minimise the risk of this happening?
… and share one of them below👇🏻

12/12/2021

I had a long list of things to do this weekend and have spectacularly failed to make a dent in any of them (that didn’t involve meeting people for eating / drinking 🍷).

So now I’m feeling the time pressure of year end/ run up to 🎄 Christmas… Sunday guilt has kicked in!

Not overloading my brain with demands and expectation is going to be really important in regaining focus and actually having any chance of enjoying Christmas (and of hauling myself across the line looking slightly more with it than I currently feel).

“What is the one thing I have to do”, do it and ask the question again ...

This is one of the best ways I know for just getting things done without over thinking or letting anxiety / overwhelm creep in

And if you can’t decide what that “one thing” is ... chances are nothing is more urgent than anything else so just pick something and get on with it!

I’ve set myself a little 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS CHALLENGE - preparing for the challenges that Christmas can bring one day at a time …

👆🔗sign up to the email list if you want to join me

28/11/2021

How do you feel about it the latest covid plot twist? 🤔😵‍💫😩🤬🤷‍♀️💩🤯😶‍🌫️🤦🏼‍♂️

I’m a mix of all these!

Yet again, the most stressful elements of the COVID crisis - uncertain, unpredictable, uncontrollable, unnecessary - have struck and (at least in the UK) we are left trying to make sense of another shift.

We are faced with raised sense of alert, limited information, constant change… and the scars of our own experiences from the last 18months still fresh.

It’s easy to take on everyone else’s thoughts and emotions on the situation … whip it all up into a whirl of stress, overwhelm, overthinking.

But make sure you check in with yourself … take some time to think about
❓how you actually feel
❓what is the most stressful aspect of this for you
❓what’s going to be important for you,
❓what will help you manage the inevitable stress of more change or uncertainty
❓What is one thing you can implement specifically for this

For now my overwhelming emoji is 🤦‍♀️ and my one thing is going to be checking my expectations day by day rather than too far into the future … what are yours?

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http://www.embracestress.com/

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Don’t let stress limit you,use it to drive you forward.

Embrace Stress highlights the benefits of engaging with stress rather than spending energy avoiding it and not moving towards your goals - better health, more energy, stronger sense of purpose, more fulfilling relationships, personal growth and learning,...

The negative impact stress can have on our physical and mental wellbeing is well publicized. The commonly proposed solution is to avoid stress, to "de-stress". But the new science of stress turns this on its head.

Stress can motivate, energize, help individuals create or build upon relationships and communities, increase resilience and even uncover opportunities. Stress is a sign we are living a meaningful life.

The first step in this process is to understand it, embrace it and learn to harness it.