12/03/2026
🙌to all women 🙄
Women you can have it all. But please, just remember the rules.
Go to work because you need to contribute to society but remember that at some point you’ll need to pop out a child or two because we need people to avoid extinction and only you can do the job. Just be mindful that you will be made to feel utterly s**t about needing time off to do this because frankly it’s a massive bloody inconvenience because HR has no sympathy. If you could just schedule it for a weekend and then palm them off on someone, anybody, that would be grand.
Go to work and work the same hours expected as menfolk but also find time to pick up the children, that you are having to pay someone else to look after because you are expected to be at work. Preferably at the same time. Don’t expect anyone to be flexible because you asked for this. Freedom. Enjoy.
Manage the mum-min in any spare time you have. The appointments, school trips, non school uniform days, school events, payments, *inset days (*though don’t ask for a day off for these please), reply slips, reading and spelling logs, applications and anything else filed under life sundries. It’s your job.
Also make sure your children are never ill. That means time off. Ply them with Calpol and get yourself in. Remember that anything childcare will be your job because society expects it. They will then beat you with the self same stick when it suits them.
Have a career but expect to be paid less and generally overlooked for any career progression because you have a va**na and you’re ruled by your emotions and periods. Period you say? Oh yes, we know at some point you may want a child (see previous points) and that will mean having time off which is a complete pain in our tight backside. You’ll be the boil on everyone’s arse. So just do the right thing and take a pay cut or walk into the career noose of death yourself before we push you there.
If you are by some miracle able to not work please be prepared to have to justify what you do all day. Staying at home apparently isn’t work. Even though running a house is an entire job in its own right. Also, if you are part time also be prepared for questioning of the same ilk about what you get up to on your days ‘off’.
Have children and exchange your name for somebodies mum. If you decide not to have children, expect to be asked when exactly you intend to reproduce until death. Have a list of reasons. You will be interrogated.
Be independent, but not too independent because that is unattractive.
Have periods. We’ll charge you for privilege of needing those sanitary products meaning you’ll have an added thousands of pounds expenditure for the sheer audacity of having a womb.
Whilst we’re at it, also have the menopause which picks up the body baton where your period left off. If you could still keep doing all the things during your inferno sweats and despite your body feeling like it’s being dismantled thanks. Get yourself a fan. The show must go on.
Have opinions. But not too many or we’ll ask who you think you are and belittle you, especially when it comes to football. Let’s be honest you know more about the kitchen than the in and outs of the beautiful game. As if you understand the off side rule. Don’t expect for strong opinions to be tolerated, emotional outbursts are frowned upon. As are tears of any kind. Also expect to have your looks dissected at all times because that’s still a thing apparently.
Have a body but expect everyone to comment on it. All the time. Too skinny. Too fat. Too tall. Too short. Too old. Too wrinkly. Put a filter on to be more acceptable. But don’t because that is fake.
Express yourself with clothing but just remember that if you show more than your hands or feet then you’re asking for it. Be grateful for the wolf whistle and if you’re not remember you also asked for this because you showed your legs.
Oh and at the same time as this can you please try to look pretty. It makes you much easier on the eye whilst you are being such an inconvenience. Don’t let that ball drop, especially if you’re famous because you’ll find yourself in an unflattering bikini shot before you know it claiming you are ‘unrecognisable’.
Also never talk about it being hard. Be all things, do all the things but don’t talk about it. Nobody likes a negative Nelly after all. You wanted it all. Apparently.
Oh and don’t forget to smile love. It might never happen.
Today, I celebrate all the women who have done great things against a backdrop of societal bull. Who achieved despite it. But mostly I’d like to celebrate the women who may not have done anything ‘notable’ yet have done all the things whilst often being dismissed and overlooked. Those that split themselves in every direction every day trying to juggle all the plates. Those that haven’t sought or bathed in glory though so much would be impossible without them. Those that often silently keep going, those that roar with a rage that will not be silenced and all those in between.
There’s a definite shift towards misogyny currently. I can feel it seeping in. Men accused of harming women are currently in charge of one of the world’s most powerful countries. Men that produce misogynistic content watched by millions. Women are having their wombs controlled by the very men that believe in the ‘Your body, my choice’ movement. Moves to restrict voting rights. The literal timebomb that are the files. Green lights being shone to all those with similar views. It’s a worrying time to be a woman. It’s a worrying time to have a daughter.
Yet. We stand tall. We stand strong. We stand together. We need to. Because the consequences of not doing so could see a set back of decades. Women are amazing. I’m proud to know many truly great ones who make my life a far richer place. I’ve unconsciously been absorbing them my whole life. When I’ve needed to be strong, I’ve realised I was never starting from scratch because they’ve shown me how to be.
Little eyes are watching. I’m going to make sure they know their worth, their value and use their voice. We have many gifts to pass on, the biggest one being our example ❤️
