19/11/2024
The Power of Forgiveness - It's not about them, it is about you!
I was on holiday in Uzbekistan last month and visited many mosques and mausoleums. I'm not really a fan of religion, they are usually at the heart of patriarchy and the oppression of women. But while we were visiting the necropolis of Shah-i-Zinda our guide quoted from the Quran about forgiveness. I can't remember the quote, but I remember being quite moved. Especially when I went into a room where an Iman was singing. It moved me to tears.
This experience made me think about who I need to forgive. I used to think that forgiving someone for upsetting or hurting you was all about making them feel better. But now I realise it is all about yourself. You don't even have to let that other person know you have forgiven them, especially handy if they are dead! But you do have to mean it from the bottom of your heart.
The feeling of release when you accomplish this can be truly cathartic.
It is easy to demonise someone you think has wronged you and see them as a villain. Forgiveness allows you to view them as human beings, even when it's hard. To see their flaws and acknowledge they're going through their own difficulties, like everyone else. Most people are not out to harm others. It happens, whether through selfishness, misunderstanding, or simply carelessness. We've all likely done something that has hurt someone, probably on more than one occasion.
By holding onto bitterness and hate the person you hurt most is yourself.
Ironically, forgiving yourself can be the hardest to do. But we, too, are only human with our flaws and we make mistakes. That is how we learn.
I am learning how to forgive myself for the things I have done that I am ashamed of or regret. But mostly I am working on forgiving myself for not being perfect.
Who do you need to forgive?
