24/06/2025
“It is a joy to be hidden and a disaster not to be found.” — Donald Winnicott
This is one of my favourite quotes in my work as a therapist. On the surface, it seems simple — but there are so many layers woven into this single line.
For me, it speaks to our very human need to retreat and hide: to have moments of privacy, safety, and freedom from the gaze or judgement of others. Sometimes we need to tuck parts of ourselves away — to rest, to process, or simply to be with our own thoughts.
But there is a shadow side, too. If we stay hidden too long, or if no one is willing or able to find us in those quiet places, the very thing that once felt safe can become deeply lonely. Shame, disconnection, and despair can grow in that isolation.
To be seen.
To be heard.
To be validated.
These are universal longings — and they sit right at the heart of therapy.
Yet for many people, truly allowing themselves to be seen in this way can feel uncomfortable, even frightening at times. There’s an ambivalence: part of us longs to be understood, while another part feels exposed and unsure. This can be especially true if, in childhood, being found or understood didn’t feel safe, or simply didn’t happen enough.
In those moments of genuine connection, though, change becomes possible.
It is worth remembering that we don’t have to share everything with everyone — or even with just one person. We can choose who sees which parts of us, and when. Retreating and connecting are both needed. It is in the gentle dance between hiding and being found that we remain human, whole, and understood.
In the end, it’s not about forcing ourselves to reveal everything at once, but about allowing ourselves, little by little, to be found where it feels safe enough to do so.
If any of this resonates with you, perhaps take a moment to notice where in your life you feel hidden — and where you might be ready to be found. And if you’d like support in exploring that, please do get in touch.
