19/12/2025
So much was going on for me in this pic. I was 12. I was doing drugs and drinking. I was being exploited and r***d. I thought it was all totally normal. Cool even.
Delayed onset trauma is where we only become traumatised once we process and recognise what has happened, and can happen years/decades later.
It’s completely normal and very common for women and girls in abuse. You often don’t even know what you are being subjected to, and if it is normalised, minimised, or even glorified, you might not have any specific trauma responses whilst it is happening to you, it all comes later on.
This means you can ‘appear’ to be ‘coping’ or ‘unaffected’ by whatever it is that is being done to you in the moment, but you can later on process and reprocess what was really happening, and then become distressed, traumatised and feel totally crushed by it all.
This journey of processing your own trauma can come at any point in your life, and it can happen over and over again.
A trauma informed anti-pathology approach to this is vital - because this is totally normal. This is not mental illness. This is not a disorder. You can be retriggered and need to keep reprocessing for years, and it’s natural.
Interestingly, the international research on child sexual abuse and exploitation actually shows that the majority of kids being abused will use ‘positive’ coping mechanisms like working harder at school, trying to be ‘good’, being quiet, engaging in sports etc - which means no one notices!
We only get taught that children being abused show ‘negative’ coping mechanisms - but these are actually comparatively rare. It’s much more common for kids to normalise abuse and cope with it by just conforming, or by seeking positive affirmation and validation at school and home.
So if you have even an *inkling* that a child around you is going through something, don’t expect or wait for ‘negative’ coping mechanisms, behaviours, or disclosures - they might not come for decades.
And if any of this applies to you - remember that delayed onset trauma is natural, very common and completely rational. This is not something to pathologise or diagnose.
All my love,
Jess x
