Jarvis-Hilton Counselling

15/09/2025

With the word “toxic” being used to describe so many relationships these days, it can become very overwhelming for the person on the receiving end of the behaviour to work out what’s happened, happening and what to do about it.

By the time people end up in therapy, there have been numerous conversations, internet searches and questions run through AI.

I often get asked “do you think they’re a narcissist?”

Firstly, I encourage anyone in a relationship or close proximity to someone who demonstrates immature and unhealthy behaviours to consider if the relationship is right for them.

Secondly, I get people to consider what positive effects the relationship has for them?
Is the relationship equal?
Is the relationship respectful?
Is there genuine mutual trust in the relationship?
Are you happy and content in the relationship, a majority of the time?
Do the behaviours of the person match what they say they will do?
Do they deal with disagreements in a mature way?
Does the person take an interest in you and encourage you to grow?
Is the relationship a help or a hindrance?

If you answered no/negative to any of these questions, there is a chance your partner/person/family member is emotionally immature and may need to work on themselves.

Not all people are toxic, sometimes they have become stuck in maturing.
Sometimes people feel entitled to treat others poorly because of learned behaviours from their past. Sometimes archaic behaviours play out because the person resists evolving with the times.

Emotional maturity is something we acquire as we grow, learn and overcome.

Not everyone achieves it, therefore I encourage clients to assess this element of their relationships first.

01/09/2025

Found out I qualified as a Clinical Supervisor today! So I now offer clinical support & supervision to counsellors, trainees and those in helping professions (frontline personnel, medical and social care). If you feel you need a confidential space to discuss your work, challenges or ethical dilemmas, please contact me to discuss how I could help.

14/08/2025

Florence completed her first full client sessions today, with 2 in-person appointments. She was a little excited with the first and a tad distracted by the plant with the second, but both clients loved meeting Florence and she was very attentive in their visits. She’s a natural and got lots of treats and cuddles for doing so well.

18/06/2025

A very good, and accurate, article for those considering EMDR for therapy. And most importantly choosing an EMDR therapist registered with EMDR UK/Europe is essential. Have a read and if you’d like to discuss further, please feel free to contact me for a consultation.

Lynda Foster debunks 10 common EMDR myths 👀 http://ow.ly/x69Y106bFyV

10/06/2025

This is part of the first email I read this morning! From a client who recently completed their therapeutic journey. She is an amazing lady, who was carrying a lot. But she is much freer now and that warms my heart.

30/05/2025

A difficult read, but a very truthful one. Embracing everything life throws at us, the good, the bad and the difficult, builds character, resilience, integrity and humility. The difficult times matter as much as the beautiful ones.

“People do not realize just how much they are putting at risk when they don’t accept what life presents them with, the questions and tasks that life sets them.

When they resolve to spare themselves the pain and suffering, they owe to their nature. In so doing, they refuse to pay life’s dues and for this very reason, life then often leads them astray.

If we don’t accept our own destiny, a different kind of suffering takes its place: a neurosis develops, and I believe that that life which we have to live is not as bad as a neurosis. If I have to suffer, then let it be from my reality. A neurosis is a much greater curse! In general, a neurosis is a replacement for an evasion, an unconscious desire to cheat life, to avoid something. One cannot do more than live what one really is.

And we are all made up of opposites and conflicting tendencies. After much reflection, I have come to the conclusion that it is better to live what one really is and accept the difficulties that arise as a result—because avoidance is much worse.

Today I can say: I have been true to myself I have done what I could to the best of my knowledge and conscience. Whether it was right or not, I cannot say. Suffering was inevitable in any case. But I want to suffer for those things which really belong to me.

A decisive factor for me in choosing this path was the knowledge that if I did not respond fully to my life’s purpose and challenges, then they would be inherited by my children, who would have to bear the burden of my unlived life in addition to their own difficulties. I am aware of what a heavy burden was passed on to me by my parents. Such a burden cannot simply be shaken off. You find yourself weighed down with an inheritance that you have to accept and carry around, like a snail carrying its house on its back.

Being ‘smart’ and behaving reasonably are not enough to get you through life. You may well spare yourself some trouble, but you cut yourself off from your own life in the process. I have seen the fate of those who have not lived their own lives, and it is simply horrible.

People who live out their destiny and fulfill it to the best of their knowledge and abilities have no reason for regret. In a way, Voltaire was right when he said one only has to regret surtout ce que l’on na pas fait (‘especially what we did not do’).

It is of immense importance that we as humans accept the debts incumbent on us.
In old age it is not the wonderful things that we perhaps missed out on seeing or experiencing that we will regret, but rather the moments when we let life pass us by.”

— Reflections on the Life and Dreams of C.G. Jung.

15/04/2025

The end of the day as a therapist is an important time to check in with myself that I’m ok, after a day supporting people’s difficulties, distress and anxiety. As you can see, I’m not alone in this reflection time, and Biscuit is 100% confidential 🤫 Today has been a good day, with good outcomes, progress and enlightenment.

13/04/2025

This could help make sense for so many out there. I often hear people self-diagnosing possible neurodiverse conditions, when the ACE”s they tell me about could be the reason. Have a read and reach out if needed. Trauma can be managed and healed. https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/articles/the-hidden-signs-of-trauma-related-adhd-in-everyday-life?deeplink_ref_surface=instagram_direct&direct_share_include_copy=1&fb_entity_type=unknown

12/03/2025

Relationships.....
The biggest topic in therapy sessions.
The biggest cause of human distress & difficulties.
The one thing us humans get the most confused by.

In therapy, I work with difficulties in romantic, professional, family and friendship relationships and the biggest reason relationships end up on difficult ground, is due to a lack of communication.

Some insights to keep relationships on a healthy track:
- Unspoken expectations kill relationships of all kinds.
- Humans are unable to read each others minds.
- If you have an expectation of someone, share it.
- Assumptions are the mother of f*^K up's. Ask.
- Humans/families/relationships DO NOT own each other.
- If trust is damaged, it takes a VERY long time to rebuild.
- Professional and Personal relationships need different boundaries.
- When relationships breakdown, more than one person made a mistake.
- We learn our best lessons from our biggest mistakes. Learn.
- There are 2/3/4 sides to every story. Don't be gullible.
- Someone's opinion/judgement/version may not be the truth.
- Parent/child dynamics in adult relationships are very unhealthy.
- Relationships need work, need to evolve and need individual growth.
- We really do meet people for a Reason, Season or a Lifetime.
- You can only count true friends using one hand.
- Generational versions of experience and behaviours cause disagreements.
- The Drama Triangle plays out in all types of relationships.

21/02/2025

Often in therapy, I hear people describing themselves as, "a shell of myself", "burnt out" and "exhausted". In response to this I will ask people to imagine themselves as a pie. Any kind of pie.

Then I ask them to give a slice of the pie to all the people, roles and situations in their life.

I then ask how much of the pie is left for themselves? The answers vary from, "a slither" to "some crumbs" to "nothing is left".

We, you or they need to be able to keep a slice of the pie. Otherwise, who is going to keep the supply of pies available?!

Working towards raising awareness, change and repair of damaging behaviours is key to self-care and self-worth.

04/02/2025

Anyone feeling like you don't know who you are anymore?

Wondering where along the way this happened and questioning how?

Want to find your way back to the unique and authentic person you are?

Many people bump into this feeling at times in life and it usually occurs when you have abandoned yourself to please others.

This could be related to romantic relationships, caring for children and family members, demands of jobs etc.

Prolonged abandonment of ourselves can lead to deep feelings of depression, anxiety and loneliness.

Is it time to spend some time refocusing on you?

26/01/2025

Another good read and I’ve seen, worked with and assisted recovery from both PTSD and CPTSD.

EMDR is without doubt one of the most effective therapeutic interventions in my opinion and well worth exploring if you have been trying to get better for some time.

What is complex PTSD, what are the signs and symptoms, and what help is available? We explain more about CPTSD and how therapy can help 👇
https://ow.ly/LQrX50UMELf