The Mindful Counsellor

01/03/2026

Emotional regulation is a skill. One of the most well-researched skills in modern psychology. And like any skill — it can be learned, practiced, and built into daily life and make a difference to your health and happiness.

Get in touch if you’re interested in one to one sessions teaching you holistic regulation tools to support you through grief, overwhelm, parenting, divorce, burnout etc. New clients now being accepted online or in person in Broome, Shropshire

Image by Angie Villiers taken at my Women’s Circle

27/02/2026

Wisdom as I arrive in Harlech to prepare for my retreat starting Sunday. It’s from Thay…

“People should learn how to just be there, doing nothing.
Try to spend a day doing nothing; we call that a “lazy day”.
Although for many of us who are used to running around from this to that, a lazy day is actually very hard work! It’s not easy to just be. If you can be happy, relaxed, and smiling when you’re not doing something, you’re quite strong.
Doing nothing brings about quality of being, which is very important. So doing nothing is actually something."
~ Thich Nhat Hanh

26/02/2026

Menopause and aging as women post

I went on an ‘Aging Mindfully’ retreat a few weeks ago and since then I’ve been reading about Germaine Greer. She was 52 when she wrote a very radical book about menopause — nearly 30 years ago now.

Fifty-two. Already an established academic. Already very clever, outspoken, radical. Already often hated for her work The Female Eu**ch. And then she wrote openly about her own experience as an ageing woman moving through menopause.

What struck me is something I can completely identify with — both personally and in my therapy room.

Menopause is not just body and hormones (though honestly, the joint pain has floored me at times). It’s not just hot flushes and broken sleep.

It’s identity.

In her book she described the subtle cultural shift. The way a woman past fertility gets repositioned. Not because she’s less capable. But because she no longer fits the cultural mould — young, agreeable, attractive, fertile, easy.

And in my view, we still live in a culture that quietly ties a woman’s worth to youth, softness, desirability and how comfortable she makes other people feel.

So when menopause arrives, it doesn’t just crash in physically. It shows up psychologically. Relationally. Socially.

For me, there was a moment of clarity. I realised I was no longer interested in auditioning for anyone’s approval. (If I’m honest, that desire was never that strong to begin with.) I consciously decided to “do me” — and let others manage their response.

But that shift can rattle things.

For years many of us have thrived being:
– the good one
– the capable one
– the attractive one
– the peacemaker
– the one who smooths things over
– the caring, maternal, self-sacrificing one

And then something changes.

Your tolerance drops.
You don’t want to laugh at things that aren’t funny. In fact, you want to challenge them.
You don’t want to keep the peace if the peace costs you.
You don’t want to soften hard truths just to protect someone else’s comfort.

And suddenly you’re “a bit sharp.”
Or “less warm.”
Or “hard work.”
Or “selfish.”
Or “rude.”

Or perhaps worse — you’re overlooked. Marginalised. Stereotyped.

That can hurt. It can make you sad. It can make you angry. Especially if being liked has been part of how you survived and succeeded.

But here’s the reframe I gently offer.

Maybe you’re not becoming difficult. Maybe you’re becoming honest.

Maybe menopause isn’t a loss or a failing. Maybe it’s the point in life where you stop contorting yourself around other people’s expectations — and that is not loss. That is gain.

That doesn’t mean the physical side is easy. The anxiety spikes. The tears that come from nowhere. The exhaustion. The pain. I see it weekly — and I’ve felt how it can disrupt functioning.

But underneath it, I also see something emerging.

Clarity.
Stronger boundaries.
Less appetite for nonsense.
More appetite for meaning.

It can feel destabilising because other roles are shifting too. Children grow up. Careers change. Relationships are tested. The mirror reflects something different.

And the question comes — and it can wobble you:

If I’m not performing youth, fertility or niceness… who am I?

But I’m starting to believe that isn’t a crisis. It’s a rite of passage. A threshold into elderhood.

You are not less valuable because you’re no longer oriented around pleasing.

You are not wrong for being direct.

You are not failing because you’re tired of carrying everyone else and want a slower, truer life.

You may simply be done performing what was expected of a younger woman.

And although that can feel uncomfortable in a culture that prefers older women to go quiet, it isn’t decline.

It’s consolidation. It’s integration. It’s a woman standing more firmly in herself which is often for a first time!

I feel that in my own aging self — less interested in approval, much more interested in alignment and joy that is mine.

And that shift? Wow! It’s not something to apologise for. It’s to be celebrated and is precious.

If you’re struggling with any of the issues raised, please do get in touch. I’ve just relocated to Near Craven Arms from Malvern, but offer online or hybrid sessions too. Check out my website to book a free chat. I have client spaces having just moved. Www.mymindfulcounsellor@gmail.com" rel="ugc" target="_blank">Www.mymindfulcounsellor@gmail.com or email for a call back mymindfulcounsellor@gmail.com

24/02/2026

No new news sadly… The Royal College of Psychiatrists has warned that England is facing a mental health crisis of “pandemic proportion.”

The numbers are stark:

• 4.1 million people were in contact with NHS mental health services in 2024–25 — up 56% since 2016–17.
• The number of children and young people needing support has risen by 118%.
• Urgent referrals to crisis teams have surged, with mental health beds running at 95–97% capacity.
• Mental health accounts for around 20% of the national disease burden — yet receives less than 9% of NHS funding.

In plain terms?
Many people are only getting help when things have already reached breaking point.

That’s lives ruined when help could turn things around. It literally makes my stomach churn!

When support only arrives at crisis level, we miss the opportunity for early intervention — relational work that can even prevent relapse, that could reduce the deeper anxiety spiral, and help people feel stable before they fall apart and need even more support.

Seeking support early and getting access to it, is not dramatic, indulgent or flakey.

It is wise, protective and makes economic sense.

You do not have to wait until you are in A&E with a panic attack.
You do not have to be unable to eat, sleep, or function before you “qualify” for care or need it.
You do not have to prove you are ‘bad enough’.

Therapy is not only for crisis. It’s for prevention and to help at early points of need.

It’s for understanding patterns before they harden. It’s for catching anxiety when it’s still manageable, not when it’s running your life.

If anything, these findings show how vital community-based, relational, consistent support really is. Early conversations change trajectories. Calm nervous systems reduce emergency referrals. Steady weekly space prevents escalation.

If you’ve been quietly thinking, “I’m coping… but it’s hard,” that’s enough of a reason.

Crisis care is essential — but prevention is powerful.

And you deserve help before things spiral.

Read the whole non news here :

The Royal College of Psychiatrists says services are overwhelmed, underfunded, and forcing patients to wait until crisis point for care.

24/02/2026

New to the area and taking on new clients. I’m an anxiety therapist working in person, near Craven Arms or online.

This is a review shared today, on Google, following support to address a debilitating health anxiety, which the client was able to overcome and get her life back, booking holidays, full return to work and planning all sorts of things for her future again. Change is possible. This client had just 9 sessions. Please check out my other reviews on my webpage for more hope and a favour of how I work.

I work with anxiety, phobias, life transitions, burnout and other issues impacting women, children and young people.

I am a relaxed and down to earth, welcoming therapist that works holistically sharing tools (breathwork, tapping, mindfulness, yin approaches, coaching) if required as well as traditional talking therapy and counselling. This helps people feel better often faster than one approach alone as it’s holistic.

Please get in touch to book in if you’re interested mymindfulcounsellor@gmail.com leave me your contact and I will be in touch.

22/02/2026

7 days to go to retreat in Harlech.. Couldn’t resist sharing this. The post box is always decorated. Love this new one! I’ve been planning menus this week… And first up on arrival day, I’m thinking a roast chicken dinner to get us started.

19/02/2026

A room says a lot about the attitudes and approach of the therapist!

I’ve been setting up my therapy room after my move this week from Malvern to near Craven Arms.

A few small changes make a big difference — still got to find my lamps for warmer lighting, hang the cosy burgundy curtains to soften the space, and put a small rug in.

It’s always so important to me that my room feels calm, private and grounded and not clinical or bland. I want it to feel welcoming, relaxed and invite everyone who comes to feel comfortable and welcomed from my heart.

I’m now taking on new face-to-face clients in Broome, Shropshire, and continuing to offer online and hybrid sessions for my Malvern clients.

If you’re considering starting, and hoping to find a counsellor who is warm, practical and holistic, you’re welcome to get in touch or check my reviews on my website.
www.mymindfulcounsellor.com

18/02/2026

Using AI for emotional support - Interesting balanced wise read.

https://www.samaritans.org/news/using-ai-for-emotional-support-is-it-safe/?fbclid=IwdGRjcAP39NdleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZAo2NjI4NTY4Mzc5AAEeWJSYjSo5BHUe92coB_LZYjD0DlZmr2sAmok24-ZEtkwUEtcjAQ_3TDPoXus_aem_4eWCcxYdluTROhXnzYL7yA

17/02/2026

Thank you for my well wishes and reminder of my timing, Nina - it all means a lot but I particularly love my timing… Today is new moon, solar eclipse and first day of fire horse! Always had good timing lol..,

🌑 New Moon

A new moon traditionally symbolises beginnings, intention-setting and planting seeds. In psychological terms, it’s a powerful archetype: darkness, stillness, potential. Many people choose this time to reflect on what they’re stepping into and what they’re leaving behind.

🌒 Solar Eclipse

A solar eclipse occurs when the Moon passes between the Earth and the Sun. Across cultures, eclipses have been seen as moments of disruption and realignment — endings that create space for something new. Astrologically, they’re often described as “accelerated change points”. Whether or not you take that literally, they can feel symbolically potent: something hidden, something revealed.

🔥 Year of the Fire Horse

In Chinese cultural lore, the Fire Horse year carries energy of independence, intensity, boldness and transformation. It’s considered powerful, sometimes even volatile — strong movement, strong will, strong change.

What it might mean for you
The symbolism is striking:
• New moon – clean slate
• Solar eclipse – turning point
• Fire Horse – courage, momentum, forward movement

I’m leaving a home that held healing and rest for me and others, stepping into something new. There’s grief and growth braided together — and that’s exactly what eclipse symbolism captures: light and shadow coexisting.

Psychologically, rituals and timing markers matter because they help the nervous system integrate change.

Moving house is one of the biggest life stressors — even when it’s wanted.

Noone needs cosmic permission for this next chapter. But it’s rather lovely that the sky appears to be putting on a ceremony anyway.

17/02/2026

A prayer for Leaving and Becoming as I move out today!

For these walls that have held my tears and steady rebuilding,
I give thanks.

For the mornings of pain and exhaustion,
the afternoons of doing and courage,
the evenings of reflection and return to myself —
thank you 🙏 for housing them all.

May this house be blessed for the shelter it gave us all,
while I rested, healed, and remembered who I am.
And who I am becoming as I age mindfully,
May it hold warmth for whoever comes next and their journeys.
May they care for you and you for them.

As I leave, may I carry forward
the strength grown here,
the boundaries strengthened here,
the softer, wiser version of me shaped here.
May she live more fully
For being here.

Bless Malvern —
the hills that steadied my breath,
the paths that cleared my thinking,
the women and children who trusted me with their stories.
May I continue to be rooted, ethical and brave.
May I keep practising in a way that is grounded, relational and meaningful.

Bless our next home.
May it hold laughter, depth, connection, peace, healing and ease.
May it expand what is possible.

And as I cross this threshold,
may I remember:
I am not leaving my healing behind.
I am living it.

15/02/2026

Justice Sensitivity
Ever notice how “that’s not fair” can feel like it lands in your body, not just your mind? Are you frustrated and angry about world events and noticing the outrage that the unfairness and injustice is hard to hold? Maybe you were the kid who stuck up for others or who calls out favouritism and bullying at work.

When injustice or unfairness is not mildly irritating but heavy and affects you inside, this may help..

I noticed it early on in life myself thinking I was different, political, passionate and indeed was heavily involved in trying to make the world better.

I’ve recently learned this outrage I still feel daily watching the news, is something psychology calls justice sensitivity — and menopause and neurodiversity can both turn the volume right up.

Justice sensitivity is a researched psychological trait. Some people are wired to detect unfairness quickly and feel it intensely. Researchers describe four types:

• Victim sensitivity – when you feel personally wronged, overlooked, dismissed.
• Observer sensitivity – when you see others treated unfairly and can’t ignore it.
• Beneficiary sensitivity – when you feel uneasy if you’ve somehow gained from an unfair situation.
• Perpetrator sensitivity – when you feel strong guilt or self-criticism if you think you’ve contributed to something unjust, even unintentionally.

For many autistic and ADHD women, these aren’t abstract ideas. They show up in real life as:

“I can’t stop replaying that meeting where the rules have changed and are not consistently applied.”
“Why does nobody else seem bothered by how unfair this is?”
“I feel like I’m the only one who sees the hypocrisy of that person.”
“I end up exhausted by family dynamics that feel completely unequal.”
“I feel guilty for things other people wouldn’t even notice.”

Research shows that neurodivergent people often score higher on justice sensitivity too. Fairness, clarity, consistency and ethics aren’t preferences — they are part of how your nervous system stays regulated and the responses of us to them vary quite dramatically.

And then comes perimenopause and menopause.

Oestrogen plays a role in dopamine, serotonin, emotional regulation and executive function. As levels fluctuate, many neurodivergent women find that:

• emotional buffering gets weaker
• tolerance for inconsistency and BS drops
• rumination and frustration increases
• workplace politics feel unbearable rather than tolerable
• family inequality feels impossible to ignore
• wider social or political issues feel overwhelming rather than simply frustrating

It’s not that you’ve “become more sensitive” all of a sudden, it could be that the systems you’ve relied on for decades to cope, mask, tolerate and rationalise are under hormonal strain.

This is why so many women only recognise their neurodivergent traits in midlife. The old coping strategies stop working. The unfairness you used to swallow now feels like it’s lodged in your throat and might spill out in direct challenge! This is a neuropsychological pattern under biological pressure.

With the right support, we can learn how to:

• understand which type of justice sensitivity is driving you
• regulate the nervous system when unfairness is triggered
• communicate boundaries at work and at home without imploding or over-explaining
• reduce the exhausting mental replaying of events
• make sense of how menopause is amplifying everything

As a neurodivergent-affirming therapist who works with women in this stage of life, this is a conversation I have a lot in the therapy room. And for many women, it’s the first time their reactions finally make sense rather than feeling like something they should “try harder” to get over or feel too much about.

If this sounds uncomfortably familiar, you’re not alone — and I want to rebalance the conversation: you’re not too much you could just have a brain that is sensitive to injustice, like me.

It could be that you might just be wired for justice in a world that isn’t always fair, at a time in life when your biology is making that harder to carry.

If you’d like help navigating this in a way that actually fits your brain and your stage of life, you’re very welcome to get in touch.

References (clinical research):
Schmitt, M., et al. (2010; 2021 updates). Justice Sensitivity: Theory and Measurement. Social Justice Research.

Gollwitzer, M., Rothmund, T. (2009). What exactly are victim-sensitive individuals sensitive to? Journal of Research in Personality.

Groenman, A. P., et al. (2022). ADHD in women across the lifespan and the impact of hormonal changes. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews.

Lever, A. G., Geurts, H. M. (2016). Psychiatric co-occurring symptoms and emotional regulation in autistic adults.

Autism.
Steward, R., et al. (2021). Menopause, autism and ADHD: lived experience and clinical implications. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders.

15/02/2026

Sundays… A day of rest usually for me but today more packing! 2 more sleeps and I say goodbye to my lovely home and will arrive in Broome … This got me thinking about the rest I’m having after the move and pacing myself … Here’s a post all about rest as The Guardian today reported over 75% of adults experience burnout! We want too much from ourselves, maybe?

“I slept for 8 hours. Why am I still exhausted?” I hear..

The reason is because sleep isn’t the only kind of rest.

Many of the women and mothers I work with feel permanently tired — not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. What’s often missing isn’t more sleep. It’s the right type of rest.

Here are 10 quick questions (and answers) to help you check in with what you actually need.

1. Isn’t rest just sleep?
Sleep is physical rest — and it matters enormously. But research into burnout shows exhaustion can also be cognitive, emotional, social and sensory. You can sleep well and still feel depleted.

2. What is physical rest?
Sleep, yes — but also slowing your body down. Gentle stretching, lying down without scrolling, an early night, or even cancelling something non-essential.

3. Why does my brain feel “fried” even when my body isn’t tired?
That’s often mental rest you’re lacking. Constant decision-making, problem-solving and worrying drains cognitive energy. Short screen-free breaks, quiet moments or even writing a “parking list” for intrusive thoughts can help.

4. What is emotional rest?
It’s the permission to be honest about how you feel. Not performing “I’m fine.” Not absorbing everyone else’s emotions. Emotional suppression is strongly linked with stress and poorer wellbeing.

5. What’s sensory rest?
Modern life is loud and bright. Screens, notifications, traffic, constant input. Sensory rest might mean dimmer lights, silence in the car, or a device-free hour in the evening.

6. I feel uninspired and flat. What kind of rest is that?
You may need creative rest — exposure to beauty without producing anything. A walk in nature, art, music, watching light move through trees. It refuels imagination without effort.

7. Can people make me tired?
Yes. That’s social rest. Some interactions energise you. Others deplete you. Notice the difference. You’re allowed to choose nourishing company.

8. What is spiritual rest (and does it have to be religious)?
Not necessarily. It’s about meaning and perspective. Time in nature, reflective practices, prayer, meditation, community — anything that reconnects you to something larger than daily pressure.

9. Can rest really prevent burnout?
Burnout isn’t just overwork; it’s chronic unmet recovery. The nervous system needs cycles of effort and restoration. Without both, stress accumulates.

10. Where should I start?
Ask yourself: What kind of tired am I?
Body tired? Brain tired? Heart tired? People tired?
Name it — then choose one small, intentional act that matches.

My breakthrough was to know that rest isn’t laziness. It’s maintenance and essential to the health of my Mrs Whooshy part!

Practicing to rest without guilt is often one I invite as a starter with my clients. What does that bring up?

I’m here if you’d like to work through fetling of exhaustion and burnout.

Does it only affect weak people? Is work always the cause? Burnout myths, busted by the experts