Lau Counselling

22/07/2024

The Train of Life

• Lessons from the Past: The past is like a collection of train stops - each one offering lessons. But constantly revisiting those stops during disagreements only reinforces pain. Instead, let’s acknowledge the lessons and keep moving.

• Release the Brakes: Imagine our emotional train - the one that carries us forward. When we hold onto frustrations, it’s like pulling the emergency brake. We’re stuck, unable to focus on the present or future.

• Delayed Departure: A breakdown delays our journey. Similarly, dwelling on past hurts delays our progress. It’s healthier to release that brake, even if it means a longer wait for the next opportunity.

• Future Travel Debates: When planning future trips (literal or metaphorical), we have a choice. We can drag past baggage into the debate, or we can treat each journey as unique. Learn from the past, but don’t let it derail your future adventures.

So, let’s keep our eyes on the tracks ahead and embrace the scenic route of growth!

14/07/2024

Back Yourself

Have you ever doubted yourself on the basis of what others think of you? Have you ever came up with an idea and then it was down played or waved away because someone doesn't think it would work; there's too much competition or you don't have what it takes to make it happen?

Well how would you feel if you backed yourself? Believe in yourself. Go all in with what you want to do and see the magic happen. Wouldn't it be great to prove someone's belief wrong and feel like a winner in your own achievement if you just backed yourself. Do what you need to do and believe it's possible. It all starts from an inspiration and going all out to take the necessary actions and giving it all you got, starting by believing in yourself. Yes you will come up with challenges and difficulties but they're just mini puzzles waiting for you to solve and making your dreams possible.

Sometimes life happens and things don't work out then at least you gave it a try but what if you proved yourself it could work despite what others might think or try to talk you down. Often people pass judgement because, without realising, it's actually they don't believe it would work for themselves so why would it work for you? But you are not them because we are all unique individuals. Is it a wonder why somethings work for others and not everyone because we are all different.

Back yourself and see what happens. If you have difficulties with your thought processes, take the first step to get help and get them in order. Start achieving and believe in yourself.

15/05/2024

https://www.bbcchildreninneed.co.uk/changing-lives/mental-health/the-importance-of-positive-relationships/?f24_pid=a379103a-26d9-4264-bc64-3c869eb148d7&utm_campaign=MAY-23-4&utm_source=force24&utm_medium=email&utm_content=textlink

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08/05/2024

26/04/2024

A New Habit

If you could take one action today to positively impact your mental health, what would it be?

Consider starting with a small step — one that you can consistently repeat to form a new habit. Understand that there will be days when this new habit is missed or doesn’t quite happen, and that’s perfectly okay. Imperfections are part of the journey.

Life was never meant to be flawless, but intentionally nurturing positive feelings can attract happiness. Embrace change, even when it feels challenging. Remind yourself of your aspirations and desires — these serve as your compass, guiding you toward determination and persistence.

Remember, there’s no fixed timeline for progress. Some may reach their goals swiftly, while others may take longer. What matters most is moving at a pace that feels comfortable and authentic to you, rather than conforming to external expectations.

Wishing you well on your journey towards mental wellbeing!

17/03/2024

One Day

The spiral of despair often begins subtly, a culmination of sad and unhappy moments that build-up into what appears to be one day of despair. But that day is merely the tip of the iceberg, the visible manifestation of deeper struggles.

Feeling drained, despondent, and devoid of purpose, it becomes easier to retreat into the solace of bed, hoping the weight of melancholy will lift on its own. Meanwhile, loved ones stand by, perplexed and concerned, their attempts to offer support met with resistance.

From the outside, it seems like a sudden downturn, but beneath the surface lies a labyrinth of unresolved emotions, triggers and trials that have amassed over time. Days blur into weeks, weeks into months as life loses its meaning and direction.

Amid this emotional fog, it's bewildering to articulate the turmoil within, let alone seek assistance. Yet, that one day serves as a beacon, signalling a cry for help. You're not alone in this struggle; there are caring souls willing to lend a hand, waiting for your trust to allow them into your life, to help you so you can help yourself.

10/03/2024

Negative Thinking

Why do some of us seem fixated on negative thinking? Could it be a result of our exposure to adversity, challenging relationships, childhood trauma, or difficult parenting?

Despite its lack of benefit in fostering happiness or achieving our goals, we find ourselves persistently drawn to negativity. It's akin to an addiction, as challenging to break as any substance dependency.

Perhaps it's a form of avoidance, a subconscious tactic to evade confronting something uncomfortable or unpleasant. By focusing on the faults of others, we justify our own insecurities and self-doubt.

But what if we could change that? Imagine if we could flip a switch and embrace a positive mindset instead.

03/03/2024

Rejected By A Parent

Being rejected by a parent as a child can leave a profound mark, fostering feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. The inner refrain of "What's wrong with me?" becomes a haunting echo of unresolved pain.

But it's crucial to recognize that the issue doesn't lie within you. Rather, it's rooted in the struggles of the rejecting parent, whether they acknowledge it or not. Often, they're simply repeating patterns learned from their own upbringing, perpetuating a cycle of hurt.

It's not about assigning blame; many of these parents have faced their own hardships and rejections. Behaviours are inherited, passed down through generations until someone decides to break the chain. This courageous individual seeks understanding and help, putting an end to the cycle.

By acknowledging their own struggles and committing to change, they become beacons of hope for future generations. Through their healing journey, they pave the way for a different legacy - one built on love, acceptance, and resilience. Are you ready to heal and start something new?

25/02/2024

Focus On The Now And The Future

Feeling tied to the past? Remember, it doesn't hold a monopoly on your future. Your past isn't a sentence but rather a syllabus, shaping your experiences and lessons learned. Embrace them, then step boldly forward. See it as a compass, guiding you with its accumulated wisdom.

As we evolve, so do our relationships. Some, once vital, now feel out of sync with our current selves and lifestyles — and that's okay. Whether they endure or dissipate, each connection serves a purpose in its time. Life's beauty lies not in flawlessness but in its ever-changing landscape. Embrace the challenges, relish the joys, and cherish the people who enrich your journey, for like flowers in a field, they bloom and fade, making room for new blossoms. Rather than living in the past, focus on the now and walk to the future.

21/02/2024

When There's More To Positivity...

Positivity is a fantastic starting point, but let's take it a step further. It's about embracing action and nurturing ourselves in ways that uplift our spirits. Consider the journey of self-care as a series of small, empowering steps that accumulate over time. Begin with gentle practices like meditation and light exercise, and gradually enhance your surroundings by decluttering both physically and digitally. Maybe it's time to curate your contacts and messages to foster a more positive environment.

Reflect on what brings you joy and fulfilment. Visualize your goals and the steps needed to achieve them. And remember, asking for support is a sign of strength, not weakness. It's natural to encounter obstacles along the way, but let's shift our perspective: are they genuine hurdles or mere excuses? Let's challenge ourselves to break free from the comfort of sadness and hopelessness.

You might say, "I've tried, but it hasn't worked." Yet, have you truly given it your all? Have you approached it with unwavering determination, exploring different methods until you find what resonates? Just like learning to walk, stumbling is part of the process. Each setback is an opportunity to refine your approach and reaffirm your worthiness.

Don't let fear of judgment or past conditioning hold you back. It's time to embrace your true potential and step into a brighter, more vibrant version of yourself. You deserve to thrive, and with perseverance and self-belief, you can achieve remarkable transformation. Let's embark on this journey together and unleash the brilliance within you!

04/02/2023

Empathy and Forgiveness

When a person falls into a situation where they feel cheated, it can feel very unforgiving and wish for justice against the person who has wronged them.

For example, a person who lends another person some money and a genuine promise is made that it will be paid back at the time of lending. However, the money never returns, and the trust in the relationship is broken. The person who loaned the money never sees the money back and feels bitter for giving the money in the first instance. This follows a spiral of feelings of injustice and broken trust. This can be especially difficult when it's amongst family and friends. Can we ever achieve empathy and forgiveness when there are strong feelings of injustice?

Imagine how it feels to be in such an unavoidable and difficult situation. Breaking trust amongst those closest is even harder and something we would never intentionally wish for; however, life can sometimes be very challenging. The person carries shame and guilt, and it is made worse when it's held against them; difficult choices are made; angry and bitter conversations are exchanged. Yes, we can adopt empathy, and forgiveness by being empathic through understanding their difficulties and feeling what it's like to be in that person's shoes. They were desperate and needed help to survive their situations. They had good intentions to pay it back, but life takes a harder turn that makes it impossible to fulfil their promise. By being able to let go of resentment through understanding others, we can find peace for ourselves as well as develop compassion for those who have fallen in hard times.

Another example is when a person suddenly cuts off contact with those closest to them because of a misunderstanding, feeling unsupported and raging with anger. Those on the receiving end of this reaction may have feelings of frustration, disappointment, sadness and loss to an unjustified reaction, especially when they have been supportive on earlier occasions. How can they find empathy and forgiveness? By understanding the person's situation and reflecting on our own responses towards them, would we react the same if we could truly imagine ourselves living their lives and dealing with their frustrations? Yes, we may do things differently if we were in their shoes, but could we really be much different from them with their choices, feelings and emotions if we had their behaviours from a challenging upbringing and from their point of view?

Being able to see a person's point of view and their life gives us the opportunity to develop compassion and understanding, which can lead to empathy and forgiveness where there are feelings of injustice and mistrust.

05/10/2022

A Slow Goodbye!

A baby needs all around attention as they learn to familiarise themselves with their new world and the people circled in their lives.

A toddler begins nursery and the first parting tear appears, as you make your first wave to them at the gates. They’re confused as to why you are crying when they’re nervous and excited of what lies ahead.

A young child moves to primary school with a new change of uniform, and you hope they will enjoy the experience and make lots of new friends.

An older child starts secondary school, and you give them all the encouragement and support to do well and work hard to reach their goals and reach their full potential.

A teenager passes their exams and is ready to leave for university or take up an exciting opportunity that takes them away from home. The young person leaves behind an empty room that is full of memories, emotions and feelings of them growing up. Their needs are gradually reduced and change over time. The parent(s) suddenly have a near empty role. Another tear appears when you watch them go.

From baby to adulthood, it’s a slow goodbye! Some will never quite leave you, they come back each time with different needs and wants. Some will become distant adults or lose contact depending on life experiences.

What happens when you reach that point when you simply become an occasional phone call or a social media contact and home is just for breaks or events? There’s an aching loss and you wonder how to fill the gap left by the young adolescent. It could be a time to explore something different or develop a missed opportunity.

What happens to those people who never had any interests or dreams and just settled down to bring up a family whether by choice or not. What’s next for them? These people may find it difficult to adjust to a life without their children. Some will go on to have grandchildren and get to have partial involvement in their lives, however, even grandchildren will eventually grow up and develop their own ideas just like their parents or carers before them.

It's helpful to establish something for yourself such as a hobby, an interest, social groups or friendships etc., so when a child’s presence lessens, you have something to keep an active mind and reduce the feeling of loneliness. People who have a partner or a spouse can still feel lonely, when a child leaves, if you don’t have shared interests and the only interest was the child. What could you do to fill the missing gap to reduce the feeling of loss and emptiness? A child grows quickly, and a slow goodbye draws closer.