20/07/2025
🥰
If someone you love is grieving, you may feel helpless. You want to do something, anything, to make it better. So you say, “If there’s anything you need, let me know.” It is kind. It is meant with love. But I want to gently tell you that this phrase, while well-intentioned, often lands in a way you do not expect.
When I was in early grief, hearing that felt like one more thing I had to figure out. I could barely remember to eat or answer a text. I did not know what I needed. I just knew I was drowning. And being asked to name my needs felt like pressure... pressure to respond, pressure to direct, pressure to think clearly when my brain and body were in shock.
The truth is, the only thing I needed was impossible. I needed my person back. Everything else was just noise. The offer of help became another weight on a plate that was already spilling over. I knew people meant well, and I appreciated their care, but what I needed most was for someone to show up without needing me to give them instructions.
If you want to support someone who is grieving, offer something specific. Say, “I’m dropping dinner on your porch Thursday.” Or, “I have time this weekend, can I run errands or sit with you?” Or just send a card, a text, or leave flowers without expecting a reply. Go to them and sit with them...in silence, even. Take the work off their plate, not add to it.
Grief is disorienting and brutal. The person you love is trying to survive something that cannot be fixed. They are not ungrateful or distant. They are in pain. Your presence, your steady kindness, your willingness to keep showing up without needing anything in return... that is what helps.
