Clear Heart Counselling

10/01/2026

This. Hits. Hard.

The inability to receive support from others is a trauma response.

Your “I don’t need anyone, I’ll just do it all myself” conditioning is a survival tactic. And you needed it to shield your heart from abuse, neglect, betrayal, and disappointment from those who could not or would not be there for you.

From the parent who was absent and abandoned you by choice or the parent who was never home from working three jobs to feed and house you.

From the lovers who offered sexual intimacy but never offered a safe haven that honored your heart.

From the friendships and family who ALWAYS took more than they ever gave.

From all the situations when someone told you “we’re in this together” or “I got you” then abandoned you, leaving you to pick up the pieces when s**t got real, leaving you to handle your part and their part, too.

From all the lies and all the betrayals.

You learned along the way that you just couldn’t really trust people. Or that you could trust people, but only up to a certain point.

Extreme-independence IS. A. TRUST. ISSUE.

You learnt: if I don’t put myself in a situation where I rely on someone, I won’t have to be disappointed when they don’t show up for me, or when they drop the ball... because they will ALWAYS drop the ball EVENTUALLY right?

You may even have been intentionally taught this protection strategy by generations of hurt ancestors who came before you.

Extreme-independence is a preemptive strike against heartbreak.

So, you don’t trust anyone.

And you don’t trust yourself, either, to choose people.

To trust is to hope, to trust is to be vulnerable.

“Never again,” you vow.

But no matter how you dress it up and display it proudly to make it seem like this level of independence is what you always wanted to be, in truth it’s your wounded, scarred, broken heart behind a protective brick wall.

Impenetrable. Nothing gets in. No hurt gets in. But no love gets in either.

Fortresses and armor are for those in battle, or who believe the battle is coming.

It’s a trauma response.

The good news is trauma that is acknowledged is trauma that can be healed.

You are worthy of having support.
You are worthy of having true partnership.
You are worthy of love.
You are worthy of having your heart held.
You are worthy to be adored.
You are worthy to be cherished.
You are worthy to have someone say, “You rest. I got this.” And actually deliver on that promise.
You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy.

You don’t have to earn it.
You don’t have to prove it.
You don’t have to bargain for it.
You don’t have to beg for it.

You are worthy.
Worthy.
Simply because you exist.

~Jamila White

art | Zima Angela

09/01/2026

Wonderful idea! Please share with your friends. 🥰

"My name is Helen, I'm a hairdresser and I have my own salon on the beautiful waterfront opposite that beautiful red heart, I also have a little takeaway coffee bar here.

I want to help people, that's why I asked you here. I want to help them understand that they can navigate through what is going on in their heads. I want to remind them that there's nothing "wrong" with them and I wanted to find a way to help one another, especially women. It stems from my own experience, trying to navigate it almost 6 years ago when we went into lockdown. I thought that's what it was but it was actually my hormones as I was going through the perimenopause. The pandemic was the catalyst that brought it to the surface.

I would love to set up a coffee and chat, informal chat group. Aimed at women who feel lost or are unsure how to navigate whatever it is they're going through. There's plenty for men out there which is amazing but I'd like to create a safe space right here in my salon, where we can meet regularly. I have contacts in the wellness industry and they are very happy to support me should it get up and running.

I ran a wee treat last year with Nicolle from The Kirkcaldy Collective and the feedback was great, time constraints have been why we never got another one going. We set it up at The Kings, we walked along the beach, did some mindfulness stuff. About 2 years ago I tried to get one set up, this is a bad time for people. We're made to believe that Christmas has to be special from a commercial perspective, and I've learned in the last few years that Christmas is what you make of it. Then January comes along, the dark mornings, the grey weather, it affects so many people out there.

All you need is space, time, love and peace, and to just be present, but I've felt this need to help others. This is a great community, there's a lot happening and there's a lot to come, so many of us see the potential for Kirkcaldy. Levenmouths resurgence has been great, there's independent shops and down here in the Merchants Quarter, it's great and it can be better if there was a few more shops filled.

I've spoken to our local MP who helped secure funding for the area, I really hope so it'll make a difference but it's down to us to take advantage of that. Change starts with the people because it's a great town, but we could be better by working together. The community should come together and support us, I'm not a negative person but there's a lot of it out there sadly, many people go elsewhere and that's their choice, but it's our choice to have these businesses. We can provide these service to our community, but without local help, it's not sustainable.

My idea for the group is to create a nice friendly, cosy and warm open space and that what gets shared in here stays in here. It's about chatting, finding a likemindedness, you just don't know who'll walk through that door. I'd like to do more social stuff, maybe a sauna and a cold dip, I love hot and cold therapy. When the nights become lighter, we can do a barefoot walk on the beach, listen to the waves. Find a way to disconnect from the world together.

It's about building a community for people who need it, and introducing them to things they've never done. To escape their comfort zone, and to find likeminded people who will look after one another but also feel seen and feel loved, because all we ever seek is love, we all deserve that after all. I want people to feel safe, but also held and loved because that's important to me. People will be uncertain thinking it's just another group, but it is and will be, a special place for people to come"

Thank you to Helen for meeting me at Pier 88 the other day, it was lovely listening to how passionate you feel about helping others. The first meet up is on Thursday 22nd of Jan at 6pm

Please consider sharing this if you would like to support Helen in making her idea a reality and tag any other groups out there that supports women.

07/01/2026

27/12/2025

💕🌲💕

The message I keep hearing from people is how tired they are, how utterly weary and exhausted. The message I keep hearing in response from Nature herself is: "Now is the time to collapse. Now is the time to be fallen, and dissolve like the snow. It's perfectly OK to sink, to let go, to be scattered thistle silk. Fall into Me. You are held. It was precisely your attempt to elevate, to ascend, to surmount and overcome, that exhausted you, and brought you to this trough in the light, this furrow in my loam. Here is your work now: abandon the quest. Only when you drop like a withered seed in complete surrender, will you be born like the new Sun from the very darkness you embrace. There is no other way to get through this miracle."

~ Fred LaMotte

[Art: Susan Seddon-Boulet]

24/12/2025

💚🤗

The longer I live, the more deeply I learn that love — whether we call it friendship or family or romance — is the work of mirroring and magnifying each other’s light. Gentle work. Steadfast work. Life-saving work in those moments when life and shame and sorrow occlude our own light from our view, but there is still a clear-eyed loving person to beam it back. In our best moments, we are that person for another.

~ James Baldwin

[Art: Oleg Shupliak]

24/12/2025

😊

Cory Allen

22/12/2025

Love this 💚

Anti-burnout advent 21: the Christmas mental load. And this is one we created together! Thanks to everyone who for their responses. Lots more anti-burnout ideas in my new book available to preorder now: https://geni.us/AntiBurnoutBook

Don’t forget the load it takes to make Christmas magic. Being anti- burnout is about recognising the load you carry (and redistributing this when you need to, if you can). It’s also about recognising why things are hard, rather than internalising this to be something wrong with you. Finally it’s about managing your capacity as much as you can (see the capacity cup day 8)

22/12/2025

Share this with anyone who needs it or save it for yourself 💜
For information about coping with grief at Christmas, head to our website ⬇️
https://ow.ly/5egz50XIrSj

08/12/2025

"I Am Enough" Poem
There is a wholeness that’s already mine.

It’s already ours.

I am not just the seed,

I am the rain that waters the flower.

It’s a reality that’s already there,

That I am enough.

I take on faith

That wholeness is already mine,

That I need do nothing to deserve,

That my worthiness is based only on my being.



I am wise enough to let go,

And I am strong enough to remember the truth

Of who I really am.

I can encounter the world

In such a way

That I remember who I am.



I am the rest inside the unrest.

I am the depth of the sky,

And the light piercing the sea.

I am the crest of a wave.

All that I need to be,

I am.



There is no problem to solve in this moment.

There is no plan to make,

No failure to be feared,

No other place to be.

This moment is enough.

This place is enough.

This imperfection is enough.

I am patient enough for my life to unfold in divine timing.



I feel the fullness of my life in this moment.

I feel the richness of my life in this space.

I am loved beyond thought,

And I have nothing to prove.

There is no one to impress.

I receive the message

That being is enough.



I am wise enough to see magic through a child’s eyes.

I am resilient enough to see past the pain.

I am kind enough to realize

That my worth has been with me

This whole time.



Beyond the shadows

That I have created,

The message remains:

I am the same.

I have always been enough,

Simply by being here.

Simply by being.



It only takes a moment,

And I remember this again.

Jennifer Healy

https://healingbrave.com/blogs/all/the-i-am-enough-poem

04/12/2025

This week is Grief Awareness Week 💜
At some point in our lives, we will all be impacted by grief. And yet, it's something so many people don't talk about or have misconceptions of.
We wanted to start Grief Awareness Week by sharing some reminders- are there any you would add to this list?
If you need support, you're not alone
https://www.cruse.org.uk/

26/11/2025

Watching your adult child struggle creates a peculiar isolation. Friends celebrate their kids' promotions and weddings while you wonder if a simple phone call might come this month. Society offers casseroles when someone dies but goes quiet when your relationship with your living child crumbles. Jane Adams' When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us breaks that silence with unflinching honesty and remarkable tenderness.

Adams guides us towards acknowledging the gap between the parent you hoped to be and the reality you're navigating. She creates space for the messy truth that you can simultaneously love someone deeply and feel gutted by the choices they make.

Here are six essential insights from the book that help parents process their pain:

1. Their journey doesn't define your legacy.
Parents often collapse under the weight of a false equation: if my child struggles, I must have failed. Adams dismantles this logic with clarity and compassion. She argues that adult children possess autonomy and agency separate from our influence. Their mistakes, setbacks, and unconventional paths reflect their own life curriculum, not our parenting report card. Understanding this distinction doesn't eliminate hurt, but it does remove the suffocating burden of total responsibility.

2. Relationships evolve, they don't necessarily dissolve.
The parent-child dynamic undergoes radical revision as children mature. What worked when they were seven—your guidance, your protection, your constant presence—becomes stifling when they're thirty. Adams guides parents through this difficult recalibration, demonstrating that releasing control doesn't mean abandoning connection. The relationship morphs into something unrecognizable from those early years, but it can still carry depth, honesty, and genuine care.

3. Other families' highlight reels will destroy your peace.
Scrolling through others' accomplishments while nursing private wounds creates unnecessary anguish. Adams cuts through the illusion of perfect families with a simple reminder: everyone's story contains hidden struggles, everyone's parenting includes missteps, everyone's reality differs from their public presentation. Abandoning these comparisons creates room for self-compassion rather than self-flagellation.

4. Protecting yourself isn't betraying your love.
Many parents equate limitless tolerance with genuine love, believing that establishing boundaries means withholding affection. Adams reframes this entirely: healthy limits aren't barriers to connection but foundations for sustainable relationships. They safeguard your emotional health while respecting your child's adulthood. They create conditions for genuine respect rather than toxic patterns of martyrdom or bitterness.

5. Grief for unlived futures deserves recognition.
Perhaps Adams' most profound contribution is validating the grief parents feel when imagined futures evaporate. The wedding that won't happen. The career that never launched. The stability that remains elusive. The grandchildren who won't arrive. She treats this loss as real and worthy of mourning, arguing that we can't embrace acceptance without first acknowledging what we've lost. The dreams that died deserve their own funeral before we can move forward.

6. Small openings matter more than grand resolutions.
Rather than promising miraculous turnarounds, Adams offers something more practical: strategies for maintaining fragile connections. A brief text. A holiday card. An invitation without demands. She encourages parents to release their vision of the ideal relationship and instead appreciate whatever contact actually exists, however minimal or imperfect it may be.

When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us won't erase your pain, but it will help you carry it differently. Adams provides tools for separating your identity from your child's choices, for grieving without drowning, for loving without losing yourself. She validates experiences that too often go unspoken and creates pathways through terrain that feels impossibly lonely.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/4rnziCa
Enjoy the audiobook with a membership trial using the same link.

20/11/2025

Please sign the petition here We're calling on the UK Government to make sure everyone has enough income to live comfortably in their final months, weeks and days. Are you with us? 💛

Sign our petition 👇

https://campaigns.mariecurie.org.uk/page/159107/petition/1?ea.tracking.id=MCFacebook