The Real Me Therapy

The Real Me Therapy A qualified ADHD coach, transformational coach, integrative Psychotherapist and Somatic Experience practitioner. Supporting healing and change.

10/05/2026

You’re not forgetful because you don’t care.
Your nervous system is overloaded.
You forget the message.
The appointment.
The thing you literally just said you’d do.
Then the shame kicks in:
👉 “Why can’t I just get my s**t together?”
Truth?
When your system is overwhelmed,
your brain prioritises survival… not storage.
Too many tabs open.
Too much pressure.
Too much mental noise.
So things slip.
Not because you’re lazy.
Because your capacity is overloaded.
Try this: 👉 Stop relying on memory
👉 Write it down immediately or voice note it
Reduce the load on your brain.
What are you expecting yourself to remember… without any support in place?

09/05/2026

You’re not a perfectionist because you have high standards.
You’re a perfectionist because judgment doesn’t feel safe.

So you overthink.
Delay.
Tweak everything.
Trying to make it perfect before anyone sees it.

Truth?
Perfectionism isn’t about excellence.
It’s about protection.
Because if it’s perfect…
maybe you won’t be criticised.
Maybe you won’t fail.
Maybe you won’t feel exposed.
But while you’re perfecting it…
You’re stuck.

Try this:
👉 Do it at 70%
👉 Let it be seen before it feels ready
Done builds confidence.
Perfection builds avoidance.

Where are you hiding behind perfection instead of actually moving?

08/05/2026

You can be successful on the outside…
and still feel completely overwhelmed internally.

That was me.
Busy mind.
Emotionally shut down.
Using work, distraction, alcohol, achievement, and intensity to avoid what was really going on underneath.
I didn’t need more motivation.
I needed nervous system capacity.

That’s why I created Relentless 90.
A 90-day programme for men who are tired of: – Starting and stopping
– Overthinking everything
– Burning out
– Shutting down in relationships
– Feeling disconnected from themselves
– Knowing what to do but not following through

I’m Gary Lane.
An integrative psychotherapist, somatic practitioner, and coach specialising in trauma, ADHD, nervous system regulation, and men’s emotional health.

Inside Relentless 90 we work on: – Nervous system regulation
– Emotional capacity
– Consistency
– Identity
– Relationships
– Follow-through
– Building a life you don’t need to escape from
This isn’t surface-level mindset work.
This is about becoming the man who stops leaving himself when life gets uncomfortable.
Relentless 90 starts Monday 18th May.

08/05/2026

You’re not addicted to your phone.
You’re using it to regulate your nervous system.

The second there’s discomfort…
You scroll.
Not because you’re weak.
Because your brain wants relief.

Silence feels uncomfortable.
Stillness feels exposing.

So your nervous system reaches for distraction:
👉 dopamine
👉 noise
👉 escape
And the problem is…
The more you scroll,
the less capacity you build to actually sit with yourself.

Try this:
👉 Next time you reach for your phone, pause for 10 seconds first
👉 Ask: “What am I trying not to feel right now?”
That awareness changes everything.

What are you distracting yourself from every day?

07/05/2026

You don’t struggle with follow-through.
You struggle to stay when things stop feeling good.

At the start, you’re all in.
Motivated. Focused. Excited.
Then the discomfort kicks in:
Boredom. Resistance. Doubt.
And suddenly…
you want out.

New plan.
New idea.
Fresh start.
Truth?
You’re not addicted to growth.
You’re addicted to escape.

Because finishing requires something most people avoid:
👉 staying present when it’s uncomfortable
Try this:
👉 Finish one thing badly instead of abandoning it perfectly
Completion builds self-trust.
Not constant restarting.

Where in your life do you keep starting over instead of staying with it?

06/05/2026

You don’t feel behind because you’re failing.
You feel behind because your nervous system is stuck in comparison.

You look around and think:
👉 “Everyone else has it sorted”
👉 “I should be further ahead by now”
So you push harder…
or shut down completely.

Truth?
Comparison keeps your system in threat.
Because no matter what you achieve…
someone always seems ahead.
And when your focus is out there,
you lose connection with what you actually need.

Try this:
👉 Stop measuring your life against everyone else’s highlights
👉 Focus on one win today
That’s how you rebuild trust in yourself.

Where are you judging your life through someone else’s timeline?

05/05/2026

You don’t avoid hard conversations because you’re weak.
You avoid them because conflict doesn’t feel safe

You put it off…
Wait for the right moment.
Rehearse it in your head.
Say nothing.

Then it builds:
👉 tension
👉 frustration
👉 distance
Truth?
It’s not the conversation.

It’s what it might lead to:
rejection
conflict
losing control
So your nervous system avoids it.

Keeps things “calm”…
but unresolved.
Try this:
👉 Start simple:
“This feels uncomfortable, but I need to say it…”
You don’t need perfect words.
Just honesty.

What conversation are you avoiding that’s costing you right now?

04/05/2026

You don’t act on impulse because you’re reckless.
You do it because discomfort feels unbearable.

You say it.
Buy it.
Eat it.
Send it.

Then it hits:
👉 “Why did I do that?”
Truth?

You’re not chasing the thing…
you’re escaping the feeling.
Pressure. Urge. Tension.
Your nervous system wants it gone—fast.
So it picks the quickest option.

Impulse = relief. Not stupidity.

Try this:
👉 Create a 10-second pause
👉 Name the feeling: “I’m uncomfortable right now”
👉 Then choose
That space changes everything.

Where are you reacting fast… just to feel better quickly?

03/05/2026

You don’t lack motivation.
You’re trying to move from a dysregulated state.

You tell yourself:
👉 “I just can’t get going”
So you wait…
For energy.
For clarity.
For the right moment.
It doesn’t come.

Truth?
Motivation isn’t missing.
Your nervous system is.
When you’re overwhelmed or shut down…
action feels heavy.
So you avoid.
Not because you’re lazy…
but because your system doesn’t feel safe to move.

Try this:
Regulate first (walk, breathe, cold water)
Then take one small action
Action follows state.
Not the other way round

What are you waiting to feel… before you start?

02/05/2026

You don’t sabotage things because you’re broken.
You do it because success doesn’t feel safe.

Things start going well…
Momentum. Progress. Opportunity.
Then something shifts.
You pull back.
Slow down.
Create problems that weren’t there.

And you tell yourself:
👉 “I always mess things up”
Truth?
You’re not scared of failing.

You’re uncomfortable with what comes after success:
more visibility
more responsibility
more pressure

Your nervous system reads that as threat…
so it brings you back to what feels familiar.
Try this:
👉 When things are going well, notice the urge to pull away
👉 Stay 10% longer than you normally would
That’s how you expand capacity.

Where are things going well… but you’re starting to pull back?

01/05/2026

You don’t need to stay busy.
You’re using it to avoid yourself.

You fill your day:
Work. Tasks. Noise. Movement.
Because the moment you stop…
it all catches up.

Thoughts. Feelings. Tension.
So you keep going.
Not because you’re productive…
but because stillness doesn’t feel safe.

Busy isn’t driven.
It’s distracted.

Try this:
5 minutes. No phone. No task.
Just sit and notice what’s there
You don’t need to fix it.
Just stop running from it.
That’s where things start to shift.

What are you avoiding by staying busy?

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