25/06/2025
⚠️ ⚠️⚠️ ⚠️TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ ⚠️⚠️⚠️
LONG POST INCOMING
🧡 I’VE LOST MYSELF 🧡
▪️Lately… Well the past 2 years , I’ve felt like a stranger in my own life.
I’m an independent gym owner in Devizes.
Also an independent, stubborn woman who doesn’t ask for help .
▪️I didn’t grow up in Devizes— but I am a woman who built a space with sweat, grit, and heart.
▪️Pure Grit started in my garage in 2016, progressing onwards to now being in my 3rd facility as of 2025
▪️I used to love what I do. Creating programs, empowering others, bringing something different to Devizes , being in the energy of movement and strength. It fueled me. 🔥
▪️But somewhere along the way, I lost myself. The pandemic didn’t help
❌The ambition? Gone.
❌The drive? Missing.
❌Creativity? Completely flatlined.
▪️Every day I wake up and feel this crushing weight of responsibilities. Bills to pay, staff to manage, classes to plan, people expecting energy I no longer have. It’s not just exhaustion — it’s like I’m constantly on the verge of shutting down.
▪️Over the past 2 years ive suffered countless physical operations, tragedies, trauma . I’ve moved house twice, (difficult with 2 dogs)
Both my children have moved out, I’ve spent 12 mths searching for new gym premises. The mental load of hunting for properties, the admin required plus legal issues has been overwhelming.
😔 I’ve lost so many clients. I drowned myself in alcohol to try cope , numb the noise in my head… wtf has happened to me? I used to be on top of everything! I used to be physically strong, top of my game in Strongwoman comps & Powerlifting. A champion, … but.. I am no longer anything.
📈 My Business has slowed. I’m financially struggling. I’ve stopped creating, stopped pushing, stopped showing up the way I used to — because most days, I just don’t have the energy. Not physical tiredness… soul-deep exhaustion. I always first
▪️It’s like I’m watching everything I built slowly slip through my fingers, and I don’t know how to stop it.
▪️ I’ve had people who’ve meant a lot to me pass over to the other side. Far too many over the years , but some affect you more than others.
💕 Recently, It was confirmed that I was peri-menopausal, (medically induced)
Because of this , my current declining estrogen levels has amplified my symptoms that’s caused by lack of dopamine, which is already affected in ADHD.
This has thankfully lead to an official diagnosis of ADHD.
▪️I feel like a teenager , unable to control my emotions, rages, intrusive thoughts , anxiety, etc.. I’m 43 years old.. ffs! Yet I’m out of control!
🚂 Both have hit me like a freight train. The brain fog, emotional rollercoasters, overwhelm — it’s been next-level. I’m now on ADHD meds, antidepressants, and HRT. It helps, but it’s still a fight every day.
😱And the truth? I’m scared.
Scared of losing everything I’ve worked so hard for.
⏰ 10 years of going against the grain, being different , having imposter syndrome despite my achievements,
coaching what I’m passionate about instead of copying others. Narrowing my demographic/ profits because of what I BELIEVE IN!
💵Im Scared of going bankrupt. (Sole Trader)
Im Scared that I’ve let this slip too far to come back from.
I’m Scared that people think I’ve failed — and some days, I believe that too.
🧡 There are moments I don’t want to be here. Not because I want to go… — but because I’m exhausted by the weight of everything. I want the noise to stop.
18 different radio stations chattering in my head.. I want the pressure to let up. I want to feel like me again… whoever that is now.
💪🏻 But I’m still here. Still breathing. Still trying — in whatever small, broken way I can.
💵 Because I’ll be F**KING DAMNED that some t**t with s**t loads of money will swoop in and take over what I’ve built!
So there’s still some part of the old stubborn Zow there..
🥰If you’re in this place too — overwhelmed, lost, scared — I see you. I am you.
This post doesn’t have a neat ending or a motivational quote.
Just honesty. And maybe a reminder that you’re not the only one hanging on by a thread.
You’re not weak.
You’re not a failure.
You’re not alone.
One breath at a time. 🤍
▪️— A woman standing in the wreckage and the throes of perimenopause ,emotional vulnerability, prone to outbursts but still hoping to rebuild & bring her passion , her hard work back to life again!
▪️ I’ve spent hours writing & re-writing this, spilling my guts, being truthful and upfront , it’s taken a lot to be honest publicly.. but by showing vulnerability and opening myself to judgment…
▪️ I wasn’t sure if leaving my business details was appropriate.. but F**K IT..
I’ll might as well leave you a way to contact me..
No sales pitch.. but hear to listen & coach you if you resonate with my ethos x
Pics: Before and after (now)
No lies, no filters. RAW & VULNERABLE
Pure Grit Strength & Fitness
Private 24hr Gym
Unit 4 Bath Road business centre, Bath Road, Devizes SN10 1XA
Where…
PASSION & PERSEVERANCE PREVAIL 🧡💪🏻
📲 07496152094 (WhatsApp)
🌏www.puregritgym.co.uk
🗯️ Direct Message
