22/04/2025                                                                            
                                    
                                    
                                                                        
                                        I literally can not stand hearing it; but honestly, I wish people would say it to my face so I could educate them instead of overhearing it or finding out through the grapevine. I know they don't understand, but sometimes it's more than a typical meltdown.
Most people think since she came to us as a baby, she shouldn't have issues associated with trauma like kids who come into foster care at an older age. "She doesn't remember a time before you" they say.
I wish that were the case, but the reality is that trauma impacts even the youngest of kids in foster care; yes, even infants removed at birth.
Just because I didn't carry her for nine months, doesn't make her any less my daughter, but it does mean that her time in utero was considerably different because I didn't. When you start adding things up like: no prenatal care, lack of nutrition, substance abuse, stressful pregnancy or delivery, that is mounds of trauma before a child even enters this world. & how about just being separated from the mom who carried them all those months. That in itself is traumatic.
I've learned that trauma is tricky. Even though it physically rewires brains, we can't always see the scars it leaves behind so It's often mistaken for something else. I've also learned that parenting trauma brained children is hard. It is literally everything against my natural instincts as a parent not to lose my cool when she acts like this, but I know I can't. She's not being bad, but something in her body feels off & she can't explain it. While her brain may not remember a time before joining our family, her body certainly does.
So next time you think “She just needs a spanking,” maybe try, “How can I help?” Or “You’re doing a great job keeping it together.” Instead of judging me, you can help me help her.