16/02/2025
Sometimes in life you have to make light of those sticky situations you find yourself in. Yesterday I decided to put a complaint into Johnstones about their floor vanish...
Dear Johnstones,
Ref: Floor Varnish That Opens Too Easily!
I recently embarked on what I thought would be a straightforward DIY weekend in my cabin in the woods. Armed with your 2.5L clear gloss varnish (purchased from B&M Bargains in Dover), I was all set for a productive time. The tin had a slight dent, but I thought, what’s the worst that could happen?
Well… let me tell you.
After carefully shifting all my furniture, washing, and sanding the floor, I was feeling quite pleased with myself. That is, until I tripped over the tin. Normally, a tin of varnish would simply fall over and sulk in the corner. But not this one! Oh no, this one decided to make a dramatic exit. The lid popped off like it had been waiting for its big moment, unleashing a tidal wave of varnish across my rug (RIP), under the furniture, and—most impressively—onto the half of the floor I hadn’t prepped yet.
To make matters worse, I had no water, no cloths, and only my wits (which were rapidly failing me). In a desperate attempt at damage control, I grabbed the nearest thing to hand—newspaper. As you can imagine, this did not help. In fact, I now have a beautifully varnished floor with embedded headlines from last week’s news. A modern art installation, if you will.
Now, I have spent a lifetime wrestling with stubborn paint tins that require a crowbar, a strong will, and sometimes a minor exorcism to open. So, you can imagine my surprise when this tin practically opened itself. Unfortunately, its enthusiasm has cost me a rug, a weekend, and a significant amount of dignity.
I just wanted to bring this to your attention and express my sticky situation (quite literally). Perhaps a stronger lid in the future could save others from experiencing their own varnish disaster?
Best regards,
