20/05/2022
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This one is inspired by 's amazing book, the Conscious Parent.
She points out that if you ask 99% of parents what they want for their child, they would say, βto be happyβ. But do we actually want that?β β
If thatβs our goal in parenting, we are likely to fail many, many times. No human being is happy all the time. Itβs impossible. If this is the goal we are setting ourselves, then if our children feel any uncomfortable emotions, it means we are failing them.β β
What happens when you feel like you are failing? Anxiety? Sadness? Anger? Fear? Shame? Guilt? When youβre feeling these things what tends to happen to your parenting?
Itβs more difficult to stay present, itβs easier to get triggered by our childβs behaviour, our child senses our disconnection and is likely to do what it takes to reconnect. See how this becomes a slippery slope?β β
Every single emotion has a purpose and a place, so letβs give our children the right to feel every single one of them. Let them know that you accept and love them unconditionally no matter what they might be feeling.
The best way to do this is by holding space for their feelings. Giving them a safe and warm space to express them. Respect that they are valid, even if it over the colour of a cup or the way their toast is cut. β β
If you find this very triggering, first remind yourself that your childβs emotions are separate to your own. As much as we try, we really have little to no control over our children's emotional reactions.
Take a few deep breaths. Then when you get a chance, try and get to the root cause of what makes you uncomfortable about your childβs sadness, anger, fear or defiance.
Once you begin identifying and letting go of your past hurts, being present with your child becomes less and less triggering.β
This is big, and hard work that we do as parents.
Know that I'm here rooting for you β€οΈ
