30/07/2025
I just wanted to share some reflections after seeing a picture from 6 years ago of me on a boat in Bali, Indonesia. Prior to this time I had been having therapy to help process PTSD, anxiety & depression & I was taking antidepressants. Before this time I had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol after years & years of alcohol abuse. Using it to manage my feelings. To effectively numb my feelings. During my time in Bali I abstained from alcohol for 1 month and by the end had stopped taking the medication. Realising that there was a different way, a different path.
What became clear was that I had been, for many years, two decades in fact.. In a cycle of numbing behaviours & addictions that were keeping me stuck. They were preventing me from feeling my feelings & I was afraid to feel them. Feeling was a dangerous place for me to be for many reasons. We can’t selectively numb. If we are effectively numbing pain & sadness then we are effectively numbing happiness & joy.
I now know, that feeling is how we process pain, how we heal pain, how we accept, acknowledge, move through & let go. How we know who we are & what we want. How we regulate our nervous systems & thrive instead of merely surviving. How we turn it into meaning & purpose. Alchemy.
So this is a picture of me today on the right. Clearer eyes, a less puffy face, a kinder heart. And I am not afraid. I now see the world differently & have transformed my pain into my purpose. I get to coach people through their own journeys however that might look for them. Walk alongside & hold space - Always with a deep knowing, that they have all of the tools & wisdom within - to make the transformational change they wish to see. And that is the most beautiful thing to behold 🥹 I feel extremely grateful for my path 🙏🏻
