Relational Best with Amanda Williamson - Therapeutic Coaching

19/01/2026

Where Are the Instructions? 🪛 Communication in Relationships
..continuing the gentle introduction to my Relationship Coaching framework "The Four C's of Relational Excellence©" ...

Communication in relationships is often confused with simply talking. We talk all the time, but communication is about whether what one person intends is actually what the other receives, and whether that exchange supports connection or unwittingly undermines it.

I think of Communication in relationships as like trying to build a flat-pack piece of furniture together, with no instructions. You’ve got the same box of parts and you both want the same outcome, but you’re relying on guesswork, past experience, and assumptions to work out what goes where. One person might dive straight in. The other might want to stop and look at all the pieces first. Neither approach is wrong, but without awareness, frustration can creep in surprisingly quickly.

In relationships, Communication can foster connection or falter it. The same words, said at a different time or with a different tone, can land very differently. Something meant as honesty can feel like criticism. Something meant as care can feel like pressure. Over time, repeated misattunements can leave one or both people feeling misunderstood.

Communication needs to become a conscious practice. It breaks down when people stop checking how things are being received, when assumptions replace curiosity, when one person feels responsible for keeping things running, or when the other feels they are always getting it wrong. These patterns often emerge quietly in the background, without anyone intending harm.

Good Communication supports Connection by reducing guesswork. It creates the space to say “I’m not sure I’ve understood” or “Can we pause and try that again?” without that becoming a problem in itself. We can become curious and ask "How did that land" or "What do you need from me?".

This isn’t about perfect wording or always getting it right. It’s about staying interested in each other, and being willing to adapt how you communicate in service of the relationship, not just in the service of being heard.

When you are trying to build something together without instructions, checking in with each other matters more than speed or certainty.

Rather than assuming that there is a correct way to Communicate, I invite partnerships to co-create their own instruction manual for Communication in their relationship. There is no one-size-fits-all, which is precisely why you can't find the instructions.

These are the kinds of patterns we explore in , where Communication is treated as a way of fostering Connection and gently preparing the ground for the next C - Conflict.

19/01/2026

I’ve written a new blog post that I felt I needed to write, not because it’s comfortable, but because it feels necessary.

It’s about the sense of heaviness many of us are carrying at the moment. Not just anger at a political event (in this case the killing of Renee Good), but something deeper - a global relational rupture.

I reflect on how language, especially dehumanising political rhetoric, does not stay contained in speeches or headlines. It leaks into everyday life and into our relationships, shaping how we meet difference, conflict and care.

I also return to a question that feels unavoidable for those of us who work relationally: how can we practitioners not be political when harm is being done to others? When silence and minimisation shape the relational field just as much as action?

This isn’t about party politics. It’s about refusing the erosion of humanity, and doubling down on relational excellence as an everyday practice.

The post is here if you’d like to read it

Life coach, coaching, couples therapy, in Exeter and online with Amanda Williamson Reg MBACP (Snr Accred) EMCC Accredited Coaching Practitioner

08/01/2026

A small professional milestone...

I’ve been approved for (the new) Senior Accredited Registrant membership (SNCPS Acc.).

After effectively losing Senior Accreditation with the BACP, along with many other senior practitioners ahead of the SCoPEd changes, this process with the NCPS was very hard work but fair. I value that the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society gave me the opportunity to reapply for Senior Accreditation, free of charge, before it was taken away from me.

It was incredibly hard work and I spent somewhere around 150 hours on it. Hearing that my application has been successful is great and the icing on the cake is the feedback; my application is described as thorough and well presented, with particular attention to the research proposal; "particularly comprehensive and well thought out". I picked a research topic close to my heart (what is it they say about MEsearch?!) and it was an emotive exploration that took me back to a trickier time in my career.

I didn't go to university. At 17 I bailed out of first year A levels and felt utterly rudderless. I had some interesting and, it turns out, useful and grounding jobs before deciding In my 30's deciding to train to become a therapist. I was very pleased that there was a vocational route available. An adult diagnosis of ADHD and a shedload of therapy helped me make sense of my lifelong struggles.

Facing this "Masters-esque" endeavour was daunting. I've had some cracking support in the form of coaching, supervision and a good friend checking over my research proposal (thank you so much all of you!)

There's a lot going on for me behind the approval. It's bitter-sweet.

Accreditation doesn’t make someone a better therapist. Many excellent practitioners hold no titles at all. What matters to me is continuing to reflect, to stay connected to the professional community, and to be able to articulate the thinking that underpins my practice in ways that can stand up to scrutiny.

I'm grateful for a process that allowed that.

Back to work...

18/12/2025

Connection in Relationships - Tending the Fire 🔥

It might be useful to see connection in long term relationships as a log fire. You don’t want to sit having to stoke it all the time, but it needs tending to in order for it to last and to keep you both warm.

So, how does each partner tend to the fire? There’s a big difference between throwing a scrap of paper on a fire, which might look like it’s doing something, but it’s flimsy and largely inconsequential. Long term connection requires that both look for logs and keep an eye on that fire from time to time.

What about when someone hasn’t got the capacity or the bandwidth to go looking for logs? Can they say to the other ‘I’m sorry, I only have scraps of paper at the moment, please can you tend to the fire for now and then I’ll do my bit when I’m better resourced?’ And vice versa…

In relationships, sometimes one person takes more responsibility for tending the fire than the other. What happens when that person gets too tired to do it alone? The fire goes out.

Do you consistently nurture the fire in your relationship, or throw scraps of paper at it? What does it look like to nurture the connection?

These are questions we explore in my , where we work collaboratively to get to the heart of the matter.

Connection is the first C in my framework "The Four C's of Relational Excellence"©

11/11/2025

I went to a gig at on Friday night. This was the third time I’ve seen live and I thought I’d try my hand at writing a review of the experience.

BC Camplight (Brian Cristinzio) sings (and speaks) about his ongoing struggles with severe depression, anxiety and addiction, with honesty, humility and humour. LInk in bio

30/09/2025

Last Friday, I shared a post about a protest march in Exeter. I posted it here, Instagram and Linkedin. It was written from a place of fear and concern about the rise of scapegoating and division in our communities. Since then, I’ve received a flood of comments; many incredibly supportive, some challenging, and some openly hostile.

Some comments were personal attacks:

“She needs to get a proper job as do those who agree with her stupid post”
“This is rubbish and has no place here”
“Grow up Amanda”
“‘Gripped with fear’ — how ridiculous”
“Silly woman, go and live in China”

While unpleasant, these showed me just how raw and polarised our public conversations have become.

More importantly, some people raised thoughtful critiques, for example:

“By broad-brush labelling and circulating photos of strangers online, aren’t you in danger of contributing to the very scapegoating and hostility you say you want to stop?”

That was hard to hear, but, they’re right. In speaking from fear, my language became “othering” which is exactly the dynamic I am most worried about.

William Galston has recently written about how politics is often driven by “dark passions” such as fear, anger, resentment, which are powerful but divisive. I can see how my post, even if well-intentioned, tapped into those currents.

But Galston also reminds us of “bright passions” such as hope, solidarity, empathy and moral courage. Leaders like Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King Jr. drew on these brighter energies, showing that it’s possible to face conflict and injustice without fuelling further division. Something to aspire to.

I don’t regret speaking out about racism and division as silence isn’t an option for me. But I do regret the way I did it, because it risked fuelling the very patterns I want to challenge.

So here’s what I plan to take forward:

- To notice when fear is shaping my voice
- To pause and choose language that invites understanding, not more division
- To lean into the bright passions and remind myself of our shared humanity

I’m grateful to those who engaged in the spirit of civil discourse. You’ve helped me learn.

30/07/2025

🤖Anyone remember the SouthPark Episode FunnyBot?

In this piece I share concern about the direction artificial intelligence is taking and what it could mean for human connection and choice.

Drawing on philosophy and humanistic psychology, I explore how AI risks reducing rich relationships to cold exchanges unless kindness is part of it's design.

We need to call for ethical leadership from those who build, regulate, and use AI, stressing the need for clarity, fairness, and respect for human dignity. Without this, AI risks increasing division, isolation, and loss of trust.

This is not a rejection of technology but a call to steer it by values that hold society together; kindness and compassion as the root of ethics and civilisation.

https://www.relationalbest.co.uk/2025/07/a-statement-on-need-for-compassion-in-ai.html

21/05/2025

Over ten years ago, I wrote a blog post about transphobia.

It was my way of processing what I was seeing on social media and especially the abuse directed at trans people. I was also trying to raise awareness of how cis privilege, including my own, plays into that harm.

The issue of gender inclusion has been close to me since childhood, when I watched a groundbreaking documentary on a transitioning woman. Even then, something clicked. I didn’t know the word cis yet, but I felt the deep injustice of someone having to fight to be seen as who they are.

That awareness stayed with me. I’ve been privileged to work with many trans and gender-fluid clients in my therapy practice over the past 15 years. I think I see more trans identifying individuals than the average practitioner because I state clearly on my website that I offer a safe space. Apparently, that’s still rare.

In 2014, I began publicly identifying as a trans ally, and shared my thoughts in a blog post, which you can still read here: http://www.amandawilliamsoncounselling.co.uk/2014/09/transphobia-cyber-hug.html?m=1

Since then, the world has shifted and so has my life. My daughter came out as trans in 2018. My advocacy now comes with a strong dose of Mama Bear.

More recently, her close friend, a young trans woman, was attacked, unprovoked. The bus driver kindly took her to hospital. She came to stay with us afterward. I saw the bruises. She handled it with grace and stoicism, but the reality of the risks faced by trans people every day was right there in our kitchen.

I’m sharing this not to be divisive, but to offer perspective. I know I don’t speak for all, but this has always been personal for me; emotionally and professionally.

We live in a world where inclusion still isn’t a given. Being a visible ally still matters.

To anyone on their own journey of understanding gender and inclusion - thank you for staying open.

And to the trans and non-binary community: I see you, I believe you, and I stand with you.

To anyone who wishes to inflict harm on non gender conforming individuals:

You. Will. Have. To. Come. Through. Me.

Details on the BBC documentary, first aired in 1979, can be found here https://www.bbc.co.uk/mediacentre/2021/a-change-of-sex

The ground-breaking five-part series followed Julia Grant’s transition, and was broadcast between 1979 and 1999

12/05/2025

👊 Show up - stand proud

🌈 🌈

What a fantastic day celebrating and standing in solidarity with our LGBTQI+ community, especially our trans siblings. It’s so important that cisgender allies show up and make our support visible.

The atmosphere was full of warmth, joy, and community spirit - an inspiring antidote to the noise of hate and misinformation that’s been circulating. It’s deeply worrying how much of that rhetoric gains traction, but days like today remind us of the power of love, visibility, and allyship.

Celebrated with friends, family, and colleagues. Here I am with my brilliant friend and colleague Harry at the march.

10/04/2025

A glorious day to spend my lunch hour reading this spanking new book

09/04/2025

🧘‍♀️ New blog post: The Yogic Gunas, Attachment Styles and Pete Walker’s 4 F’s

https://www.relationalbest.co.uk/2025/04/the-yogic-gunas-attachment-styles-and.html

In my latest piece I share a personal and professional reflection on how yogic philosophy, here the concepts of the gunas, offers a rich and compassionate language for understanding inter-relational defense mechanisms and attachment dynamics.

Rather than pathologising human behaviour, yogic wisdom invites us to notice 3 energy states:

🌑 Tamas - shutdown, freeze, fog
🔥 Rajas - anxiety, urgency, people-pleasing
🌕 Sattva - clarity, calm, connectedness

These ancient teachings mirror much of what we understand in modern psychology, and I find them a helpful underpinning in elements of my trauma-informed therapeutic coaching.

If you’re curious about reading more of my reflections of the intersections of Eastern wisdom and relational healing, I’d love you to read it.

09/04/2025

🧘‍♀️ New blog post: The Yogic Gunas, Attachment Styles and Pete Walker’s 4 F’s

https://www.relationalbest.co.uk/2025/04/the-yogic-gunas-attachment-styles-and.html

In my latest piece I share a personal and professional reflection on how yogic philosophy, here the concepts of the gunas, offers a rich and compassionate language for understanding inter-relational defense mechanisms and attachment dynamics.

Rather than pathologising human behaviour, yogic wisdom invites us to notice 3 energy states:

🌑 Tamas - shutdown, freeze, fog
🔥 Rajas - anxiety, urgency, people-pleasing
🌕 Sattva - clarity, calm, connectedness

These ancient teachings mirror much of what we understand in modern psychology, and I find them a helpful underpinning in elements of my trauma-informed therapeutic coaching.

If you're curious about reading more of my reflections of the intersections of Eastern wisdom and relational healing, I'd love you to read it.