SMJ Counselling

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SMJ Counselling

A qualified counsellor, offering sessions in Exmouth (EX8), and online throughout the UK.

08/09/2025

It’s easy to judge but kinder to take a moment and think or ask a question

If you or someone you know needs support reach out to a counsellor or the Samaritans

www.jothackercounselling.com
***de

Pic Credit: The Depression Project

05/06/2025

🔵🌸 I wore my polka dot dungarees to work today.

While it was definitely a vulnerable moment - facing those old fears of not being seen as ‘professional’ - it felt important.

✨

When working with clients, a theme that often comes up is authenticity, and the pressure to wear a mask. As a therapist, it feels essential to me to remove my own mask and show up as my true self in the room.

💬 There is a lot to be found in a space where it’s safe to be yourself.

✨

By showing up as my true self, I hope to invite others to do the same. Healing doesn’t ask us to be perfect - it asks us to be real. And sometimes, real looks like polka dots and the soft defiance of being yourself. 💙🌸✨

25/05/2025

Self-care Sunday is what I'm going with today!

Self-care is a thing I regularly encourage, as well as exploring what this looks like to each person.

It can help with many things including:

😎 - Reducing Stress and Anxiety
💃🕺 - Increasing Energy Levels
🛠 - Enhancing Productivity
💓 - Building Confidence and Self-Worth

I was going to put examples in for each of the types - but then I concluded that everyone has their own different versions of what self-care looks like to them.

Some of my most important self-care practices are:

🥾 - Walking
🤯 - Personal Therapy
✍️📖 - Journalling
🐈 - Spending time with family (cats included) and friends
🎼🎹 - Listening to music (probably a bit too loudly for my poor ears)

What are your important self-care practices?

21/05/2025

Often in online sessions, I can be heard to say 'please excuse my cats’ - as they like to shout as soon as I close a door. So it feels only fair that the they get some airtime when appropriate!

These are my 2 fur babies - Charlie and Tango. Doing their absolute favourite thing of watching the birds out of the window. While I do one of my favourite things of watching them watching the birds out of the window 😸

14/05/2025

This week is Mental Health Awareness Week, and this years topic is community.

Community is important to us as humans. We are naturally drawn to communities as, from early on in human existence, they have been pertinent to our survival in many different ways. Community can also mean many different things to different people. Including; groups of friends, neighbours, sports teams, online forums, religious groups and professional communities.

Being part of a community is still just as important for a variety of reasons. I've listed a few below:

- Having a support system around us.
- Feeling a sense of belonging and being seen and understood.
- Feeling a sense of safety and security.
- Experiencing positive social interactions and healthy habits.
- Developing resilience and coping skills.
- Having a space with people who care about you to be able to share safely with.
- Learning from others.
- Diversifying your understanding of people and their differences and similarities.
So this week I'm asking - what does community mean to you?

Pop it in a comment. Feel free to share the communities that feel important to you too. It may even help others to find their communities!

17/04/2025

After not posting for a while due to, well, life - it felt important to post today after yesterday's Supreme Court ruling on the definition of womanhood.

As an ally, a therapist, a friend, a person - It broke my heart to hear. And as a person who was born into a body that feels right and comfortable for me, I know I cannot fully experience the deeply painful impact that this will have on the transgender community. But I do understand it, and I am already shocked by some of the things I have seen. This is an act of exclusion towards a group of people who often already have to fight for their equality, safety, rights, and recognition.

Within my practice, all expressions of womanhood are valued, and I stand with those who feel unseen, hurt, or invalidated by this decision. I understand how legal rulings like these can feel deeply personal, unsettling, and re-traumatising — especially for those who have already had to fight so hard for so long simply to be accepted as they are.

I want to acknowledge the emotional impact this outcome may be having. Anger, grief, confusion, or fear — whatever you're feeling is valid. You’re not alone in this.

Please reach out if you need support. I'm here, walking beside you.

12/12/2024

The Samaritans are always here don’t be alone in worry - call for free 116123 day or night

17/11/2024

Self-care Sunday today!

When I Googled 'selfish,' these are some of the words that popped up...

As a little girl, I was taught that being selfish was one of the worst things you could be. I learned that putting my own needs or feelings above others was a sign of selfishness. But over time, I began to realise that this lesson wasn't just about being kind to others - it was about the subtle ways we’re taught to ignore our own needs.

For example, I was taught that to be liked and accepted, I had to hide my needs, disregard my boundaries, and suppress my feelings. In other words, I was trained to put others first, even if it meant I felt overlooked or unimportant. But the truth is, that approach was just another form of "selfishness" - only this time, it was done for self-protection. By ignoring my own needs, I was trying to avoid conflict or rejection, not realising I was actually neglecting myself.

I meet so many adults who carry the same beliefs, and have exactly the same understanding of the way they must hide to be accepted. This in turn can result in struggles with prioritising their own self-care.

"I can't possibly put that boundary in place."
"I couldn't tell them I need that."
"Why?"
"Because it's selfish."

So here I am, trying to reframe the understanding of the word "selfish."
In this world, whatever we're doing, we're all just trying to live safely and happily. Putting your needs and boundaries forward may be considered selfish according to the dictionary - but it's not a negative thing. It's important because you are important, and your needs are important.

So please, tell that to yourselves - and to your little people:
It's okay to have needs.
It's okay to have feelings.
It's okay to share these.
It's okay to establish boundaries.

It's okay to be selfish.

10/11/2024

I'm going to call this Self-Awareness Sunday!

Do you recognise yourself regularly finding yourself in any of these positions?

The Drama Triangle - developed by Stephen Karpman, M.D., nearly 40 years ago can be a great guide to understanding how we interact with others and how we respond to uncomfortable or stressful situations.

The Drama Triangle shows up in our lives on a daily basis and we react, and may find ourselves regularly in 'Victim', 'Persecutor' or 'Rescuer' based on our own core beliefs, our personal experiences, and our own fears. We also often end up pushing other people into different stances on the triangle based on what we need.

Take a minute to consider the stance you often find yourself in. And take a minute to consider how that impacts you and your relationships.

I personally mostly find myself in 'Rescuer', as I'm sure you would imagine as a counsellor! And the awareness of this theory, and of the impact my own personal response has on others has helped me a great deal. Hopefully you can find the same!

If you want to explore further, there are plenty of resources just a google search away. (And of course counselling can help too 😁)

02/11/2024

Most of us know how to describe our emotions with the more generic feelings, such as sad, happy, mad, upset, gross, annoying etc.

Part of counselling, and something you can begin to practice in every day life, can be to delve deeper into those feelings & see if you can find different words to better understand yourself. Developing emotional vocabulary can also support you in better communicating your feelings and needs to those around you.

Apologies for my slightly visually overwhelming interpretation of an emotions wheel (that is definitely missing a zillion other important emotions), but hopefully it goes a bit of a way to expressing the meaning behind the post!

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Exmouth

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https://www.smjcounselling.co.uk/, https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counsellors/sadie-edgecumbe?_gl=1%2A1eco1z0%

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