31/01/2026
A lovely analogy
Understanding Trauma - The Two Wolves
I remember the first time I heard the story of the two wolves. An elder tells a child that inside every person live two wolves, one driven by fear, anger, grief, and pain, and the other shaped by love, calm, connection, and trust. The child asks which wolf wins, and the elder answers, “The one you feed.”
For a long time, I thought this story was about choice and willpower. About deciding to be better, calmer, a more healed version of myself. But years of working with bodies, including my own, taught me something gentler and far more honest. Sometimes the wolf that rises is not the one we chose to feed; it is the one that was fed for us, in moments when survival mattered more than understanding.
Trauma changes the way the body feeds those wolves.
When something overwhelming happens, the body does not pause to consult our values or our hopes for who we want to be. It reacts. The nervous system floods with stress chemistry. Cortisol and adrenaline sharpen focus, narrow awareness, and prioritize survival over reflection. The vagus nerve shifts out of its regulating role and sensation becomes louder in some places and quieter in others. The body feeds the wolf that knows how to keep us alive.
Our emotions often lag behind this process. They arrive later, or all at once, or in waves that feel out of proportion to the present moment. Grief may surface years after the loss. Anger may ignite when safety finally appears. Fear may linger long after the danger has passed. From the outside, this can look confusing. From the inside, it feels like being pulled by forces that do not agree with one another.
This is where many people begin to judge themselves. Why am I reacting this way? Why can’t I calm down? Why does my body keep doing this when I know better? But trauma is not a failure of insight; it is a mismatch between what the body learned in survival and what the heart longs for in safety.
The body feeds the wolf it knows will protect us.
The emotional system feeds the wolf that needs to be felt.
Neither is wrong. They are simply out of sync.
Over time, this dissonance can embody the tissues. Fascia holds these patterns like a memory that never learned language. The body is not stuck in the past, it is simply repeating what once worked.
Healing is not about starving one wolf and forcing another to behave. It is about changing the environment inside the body so different nourishment becomes possible. Safety feeds regulation while presence feeds integration. Slow, respectful touch feeds the part of the nervous system that knows how to rest, and when the body begins to feel supported, the emotional system no longer has to shout to be heard.
This is where touch changes the conversation. It meets the body where learning first happened, beneath language and logic. The wolf that once guarded every moment can soften its watch, as the wolf that carries love, curiosity, and connection does not have to fight to survive; it is simply fed.
Holding onto trauma does not mean the wrong wolf won. It means the body did exactly what it was designed to do when safety disappeared. And healing is not a moral victory; it is a biological one. When the body learns that the threat has passed, both wolves can finally rest, and the system no longer has to choose between survival and feeling.
