
13/02/2025
The fact that our parents were doing the best they could, within the capacity and understanding they had at the time, is true...
But the reason this can feel so hard to accept is that sometimes a parent’s ‘best’ can fall so very far short of what we actually needed as little ones.
Sometimes a parent’s ‘best’ can be so actively damaging to us in mind and body that our little systems were wholly unable to metabolise the reality we found ourselves living in.
Instead we constructed a fantasy of the ‘good’ parent, imagined them into a better version of themselves than they really were, and came to believe that what was happening to us must somehow be our fault.
Because if it’s my fault, then maybe I can do better, be better... maybe I can do something to change it...maybe I’m not as powerless and frighteningly vulnerable as I appear to be.