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Dove & Sarah's Final Quest, Glasgow (2025)

24/08/2025

Just to keep you all updated with everything that's going on at this end. The stuff you don't see or hear about that we have to deal with behind the veil of what you see when we're out and about.

Every night I try to go to sleep in bed, or a chair, or a special reiki chair that I can lay upwards facing down.

I am VERY limited to which way I can lay and it often becomes a major problem just adjusting for the night to begin with.

I am in a much more constant pain from along the bottom of my stomach/rib cage all the way across from one end to the other, leaving me literally gasping for air to try and breathe, even just a little.

I feel that my breathing has dramatically been less than quartered and it takes me quite a while to resolve getting back into normal breathing again.

It's really very scary having to fight for a single breath and calm down to have some kind of oxygen intake.

The pain in the whole of my torso doesn't help at all and I feel like I'm just going to collapse in a heap of painful noises, struggling to call for help.

I can't sit up myself which means I have to wake Sarah each time I need to move or I'm in a great deal of pain, stuck, until I can move.

Throughout the night is the same, even with all of my medication and more! Night time is the worst. I can either have a good sleep that involves everything I've just written, or a bad sleep where I've been laying the wrong way, even just for 5 minutes and it will mess me up for the whole next day and I'm in pain for the next few hours after I get up.

I usually have to get up between 6am - 8am because I just can't get back to sleep because of the pain.

Once I'm up, I cry at what life has given me. I can't believe this is what my life has become.

I sit and contemplate what I can do to make things easier for everyone but I just can't. My mind and my body just don't work the same now. My most common phrase now is 'OWWW' and believe me, it's said constantly every time I move in sharp intakes of breath.

Sarah needs to help me get up from a seated position, I can't reach anything behind me or even to the sides, just a few inches away from me.
I can't move anything around me, I can't pick anything up or go down to get it, so once it's on the floor, it's on the floor.

My back is in terrible agony at all points throughout the day. Even walking to the toilet/getting up from the toilet is a mission.

The most trivial things are out of my reach now like filling up a bottle of water that's too heavy for me, carrying a plate, getting my slippers on, opening a bottle of juice, passing something over that's laying right next to me, etc.
I feel like I'm just a blob waiting to be served by my queen. I can't do a fu***ng thing and it's frustrating the hell out of me.

People say 'Oh You're the strongest/bravest/most positive person I know', well, it's getting really hard to try and be that person when your world is literally falling apart right infront of you.

Every day I look in the mirror, all I see is this old, dying vision of me that just won't give up but I can see my body trying it's best to shut down bit by bit. It's like I'm decomposing in front of my eyes, just waiting for death to come and take me. I can feel it surrounding me and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

I would really like to make videos to show you all just how bad this is but I'm no good on camera and wouldn't know what to say. I'm not a Tik Tok kind of guy.

In other news, the palate my mouth has basically completely gone, leaving it so damn difficult to eat and drink without choking on air and my speech is all over the place. I'm surprised some of you can understand me now.

Little jobs around the house are completely out of my reach now, dishes, cooking, taking rubbish out, cleaning rooms, moving anything, I can't even pat the cats ffs, so this has all fallen for Sarah to do and that frustrates me even more just watching Sarah struggle to do stuff that we used to do together.

I can't even put a sentence together without getting out of breath and breaking it up into 4/5 parts of breath.

We don't have a couch we can sit on together! In our living room, we have 5 different chairs so that I have different seating options.

I'm constantly asking Sarah if she could do this and do that for me like a bloody servant girl. She is amazing and is ALWAYS there for me at every request no matter how small.

Anyways, my feet have swollen up for a good few months, that's why you might see me in massive slippers I had to get from Amazon because none of my footwear fits anymore. I'm on water tablets for that so YAY! More tablets! On top of more steroids and more painkillers!

We destroy ourselves nearly every day knowing what life has in store for us and seeing it go downhill very quickly.
We know what is going to happen but it's the darkness of not knowing when. Trying to make the most of each day is becoming harder and taking more and more out of us.

Still waiting to see (excuse the pun lol) if I'm going to get my other eye done with the cataracts. No word yet.

I'm very old, feeble and fragile now. Nothing like how I was even just 2 months ago. It's funny how life can change in the twinkling of an eye.

Life really is precious. Hold on to it for as long as you can because one day, you'll not be able to do the same stuff as you can right now and it will change you forever. Stay young!

Very much love to you all for still staying with us on our journey.

Dove & Sarah
xx ❤️🕊️ xx

02/08/2025

On Thursday, me and Sarah went to the radiotherapy bit at the Beatson.

It turned out, it was just to get a CT scan to discuss Friday's single round of radiotherapy and mark me up so that they know where to fire it at me.

We were told that the cancer in the lining of my lung on the left side has got bigger and is pushing it's way even more into my lung and nerves.

The point of the radiotherapy is to try and slow it down and to ease the pain, even just a little.
I'm at the stage where I'll try anything for the pain.

After my radiotherapy session, I am still in loads and loads of pain despite taking everything I possibly could. I know it doesn't magically work in seconds but I do feel a small difference with potential.

We'll see what happens over the weekend and keep our fingers crossed that this helps, even just a little.
I would be very much grateful for some kind of release, just for a few minutes would be nice.

Every morning now, my breathing is severely hard to deal with and it doesn't feel like I can get it back under control for a good while. It is really scary and puts me into a panic.

Somehow I get through it, only to feel like I'm in my 80s/90s throughout the rest of the day.

I need help up from wherever I'm sitting, I can't do a damn thing and it's really getting to me in so many different ways.

I feel like giving up, but with you all here, with your support, love and kindness, I know I will battle on...

Much love ~ Dove & Sarah.

xx ❤️🕊️ xx

28/07/2025

Had a great weekend at home.

Had a very painful and difficult night sleeping last night before I had to come back in today.

The results of my latest MRI scan have confirmed the cancer has spread to my bones and especially my fractured spine.

I've been offered a single round of radiotherapy to try and help with the pain which I am extremely grateful for, just need to look out for the letter in the post as I am currently on my way home! 🥳

I am in terrible pain but I'm home! So happy, yet so emotionally exhausted.

We'll see what tomorrow brings...

Very much love to you all 🥰

xx ❤️🕊️ xx

25/07/2025

Day 4...

Had my MRI scan this morning. Was in there for a while and think I fell asleep a few times lol

Got back to the ward and got told I could have a weekend pass! I'm over the moon and back home for now.

If the results come back with anything urgent, I've to go back in over the weekend but I'll definitely be back in on Monday.

Crying happy AND sad tears lol. Emotions are all over the place.

Here was this morning's NEW AND IMPROVED breakfast. 😕

Thank you all for your comments, each and every one means so much to me. 🥰

Glad to have my own chairs back! It's amazing all the little things you miss without realising. Even within the space of a few days.

So happy to be home!

xx ❤️🕊️ xx

$Day 3...So after waiting for a good while, we finally got my results back from the CT scan.I have a fractured spine caus...$

24/07/2025

Day 3...

So after waiting for a good while, we finally got my results back from the CT scan.

I have a fractured spine caused by either the amount of steroids I'm on (which they increased btw lol) or the cancer has spread to my bone.

I've to stay in again to get an MRI scan tomorrow for a more detailed look into things so that everyone has a clearer idea of what's going on, what they can do and how to deal with the next step.

They were nice to let me out to go home for a little bit of time at home which was amazing. Felt like I'd been away for months lol

That's me back in my room again, waiting to see what tomorrow brings.

Big love to you all for following my wee journey. I read your comments every day and they just melt my heart over and over again. I've got the best people on here and couldn't wish for another bunch like all of you. Thank you!

xx ❤️🕊️ xx

23/07/2025

So yesterday, we attended my usual check up appointment at The Beatson Clinical Research Unit with the Professor.
After a wee listen to my lungs, he suggested that I go for a CT scan as it didn't sound right and the pain has just been getting out of control.

I managed to get an x-ray and was maybe thinking I could go home afterwards. I was in overnight. The x-ray came back and they found a grey area around the bottom of my left lung.

At this point, they don't know what it is, could be a collapsed lung at the bottom of my left lung, muscle pain, the cancer spreading, fluid, etc, I even got tested for covid.

So here I sit, awaiting a CT scan for us all to find out more.

❤️🕊️

21/07/2025

Hi! :)

Well on Saturday, I had my first cataracts surgery on my right eye. I had been extremely nervous about this procedure as I hate anything near my eyes and the added fear of moving/blinking/coughing etc just that little bit that would tear my eye open lol.

Got to say, every story I heard of everyone who has had it done put me at some kind of ease beforehand and not once did I hear of any bad experiences but you know yourself, it doesn't stop you worrying. So my review?

It was more or less exactly how I thought it would be but only better, if that makes sense? They put a blindfold over my eyes, opened the wee bit so that my right eye could be operated on, put loads of drops in and shone a bright light directly in my eye so I really couldn't see anything.
I could very faintly feel what was going on but I was too busy trying my best to be a statue so I didn't move lol It was bareable and if you are worried about getting it done yourself, I can only add to the loads of people I spoke to about it. Over in 15/20 mins (you wait longer in the waiting room lol)

I've to go back and get my left eye done at some point but I know now what to expect and I will go happily to my next appointment with so much less nervousness and worries. Thank you NHS! Another job well done!

Thank you all for your kind words of support and for the many donations towards my 'Celebration of Life' night, I am overwhelmed by so much love from you all! THANK YOU!!! xx ❤️🕊️ xx

24/06/2025

The Rabbit Hole

Today I have a new pain, one I've never had before,
It seems to happen every day, leaving me feeling sore,
I know it's probably nothing, that it's all just in my mind,
I don't want to overthink it but it really hurts inside,

My mind, it starts to wander, down the rabbit hole we go,
Is it this?, is it that?, I'm never going to know,
My paranoia sets in, I start to think the worst,
Maybe one of my cancer sites has finally just burst,

Do I sit here in a panic, and see if it goes away?,
Could this really be my final time, on my last day?,
The further down the rabbit hole, the more I overthink,
I sit in tears just crying, as my mind begins to sink,

I start stupidly imagining, if it's time to say goodbye,
That I never had enough time to hug once more, just once before I die,
All the things I planned to do are gone, just left incomplete,
If only I had tried a little harder, this disease I might have beat,

The pain starts dulling down, maybe I was daft for thinking that,
But then it starts back up again, was it the way I sat?,
Is this new pain going to stay with me, an addition to the rest,
Will it go away again, or match the others in my chest,

Every little pain, sends my head into a spin,
Knowing that I'm fighting a battle, I'll never win,
Leaving family behind to deal with this seems very unfair indeed,
They've already been through so much and this they didn't need,

Each morning I go through this, with tears upon my face,
With each new pain emerging, each in a different place,
I know one day it'll happen, I just worry when and where,
Could it be today? could it be next week?, it's just not fu***ng fair,

Watching my family go through this, has been the worst thing from day one,
I've tried to create memories, to give them something to look back on,
I wish I was there for them, on the day my light goes out,
To tell them that I loved them, I was happy, smiling without doubt,

I didn't have the greatest life but with them I had the best,
I'd love for them to know that, because I've deleted all the rest,
This rabbit hole is sinking and I'm looking for a sign,
To bring me out of my misery, each and every time,

I go through these thoughts of what ifs, before the day awakes,
And all the little stupid things, that this rabbit hole just makes,
I know I'm not the only one, Sarah gets stuck here too,
We both sit in this rabbit hole and there's nothing we can do,

Please don't forget that she has been through this just as long as me,
So please don't dismiss her even though she's cancer free,
I always feel that people focus on the cancer man, pushing her aside,
But she has done an incredible job you'll never see, and with so much pride,

So please don't ignore her work, she's done her very best,
At providing me with everything I need, even helping me get dressed,
Please look after Sarah and my family, when I'm no longer here,
Because the fact that I can't do it now, is my only fear,

As I think back, to the pain that put me here, down this trail of thoughts,
In this bloody rabbit hole that we seem to visit lots,
I think maybe not this time, maybe not today,
The pain might dull down or maybe it will stay,

But either way I know, that my family is there,
To help me through the newest pains that give me a little scare,
I wonder why I'm still crying, just a silly old man,
Limited to what I can do, but still doing what I can,

I'm ok I think, I'm sure I'll make it through the rain,
Until tomorrow morning comes and go through it all again,
With Sarah by my side, we can see a beaming light,
We hold on to each other through the darkness of night,

Being down here is nasty and has really taken it's toll,
But I think I finally found a way out of this rabbit hole.

https://gofund.me/dac5dd4c

28/05/2025

xx ❤️🕊️ xx

Hey everyone!

As you all know, I have been fighting a battle I will never win for nearly 9 years now. Not to be modest but I think I've done well up until now.

With the love and support from my family, my friends and the right mindset, I have had a wonderful 8 years already that I am more than grateful for, you have all made a lasting impact in some way to help me on my final journey. Thank you!

There is so much that I know I'll never have the chance of doing, either because of my health, money or just the way life has turned out for me. I was so gutted and downhearted with the fact that I wasn't allowed to complete my parachute jump due to medical reasons but there are still other things I would like to tick off the bucket list, if I could.

My health isn't doing too well at the moment and with each day, comes a new concerning pain that sends my mind into an overthinking, paranoid mess. At this moment, my biggest concern is my eyesight. I used to have amazing eyesight, I could read the bottom line of the opticians chart and even tell them the address of the company that made the chart, underneath that!

Now though, all I can see is shapes and outlines of things I once recognised so naturally. I could walk by 100 people that I know and not recognise them until they said hello. So if you see me outside, please say Hi, don't think I'm being ignorant towards you.

I can't read anything in the supermarkets so I don't know what flavours, prices or dates are on anything without Sarah's constant help. I have my phone on the largest font and even have a magnifier too and still throw it away in a frustrated tantrum, giving up instantly because I know I'll never be able to see it clearly or make out what it is.

My second main concern is a pain so intense that it ruins my day completely. Even with all of the pain relief medication that I am on, my right hand side is in a world of pain making it really difficult to move, hold stuff, cough or just breathe. I can't lift or extend my right arm causing me to go about like a one armed t-rex lol

My third concern is on the other side. I have been experiencing what I can only describe as 'bubbles' that work their way up from the bottom of my rib cage, along my side to the top, near my heart. This happens at random times throughout my day. Each time they are there, on each breath in, the bubbles make me cough, aggravating the pain on the right.

As a whole, these 3 things make me worry even more, knowing that where they are, is exactly where my cancer is. Behind my right cheek, my liver and the lining/inside of my lungs.

On top of all of this, I still have my everyday struggles of the roof of my mouth dissolving making it more and more difficult to eat, swallow, talk and laugh. I can't bend so everything I drop is always followed by a very frustrated "F*** OFF!!!". I can't dress myself, I can't get up from sitting down, I can only sleep in one position, ooft, the list goes on and on...

I feel that because of the way my health is going, NOW is the time to set some wheels in motion for this final, sentimental fundraiser.

So if you are still there, reading this long and boring post about my health, thank you, it really does mean a lot. Always has done. The messages I have received, even from complete strangers, has been overwhelming and made me feel so alive with love and determination. I have sat and re-read your kind words with tears in my eyes, feeling so warm inside, knowing that people really do care. When my world is in darkness, YOU have been the light, so many times - thank you!

I feel that because of the way my health is going, NOW is the time to set some wheels in motion for this final, sentimental fundraiser.

Please have a wee read at the link below. I'd love to go out knowing that I said goodbye to you properly and have one last real memory of you all and thank you again for being a part of my final journey.

Love & Peace

Dove

xx ❤️🕊️ xx

https://gofund.me/a06468b2

30/04/2025

❤️🕊️❤️🕊️ Hi everyone. ❤️🕊️❤️🕊️

This might become a long post as there has been a lot happening and I either have been too unwell to post or a mixture of not wanting to put things up, not having the right mindset to care anymore and just pure laziness, so I will try and keep it as short as I can without completely boring you all.

On Monday 14th April, me and Sarah headed up to the optometrist to find out what was going on with my sudden blurred vision. I can now reveal the I have cataracts now, which is worsening every day.

I am struggling to see anything on my phone, laptop, tv, well...anything really, and I've adjusted the font on all of them and can make out some but mostly everything is a blur. When we're out, I can't make out anyone's faces and literally can't see them until they are standing right in front of me! (It's happened 4 times already. I must seem like a right ignorant ***hole to people). So If I have met you outside, thank you for stopping and I'm not trying to ignore you!

As you can imagine, this has made life even more difficult than it already was before. When we're shopping, I can't read the flavours of things, I can't read the prices and I feel like all Sarah hears is 'What does that say'.
I always joke that I'm going through the alphabet of medical diagnoses but I'm pretty sure I've already covered 'C'.

I have been offered 2 options: A 30-40 minute operation where they would stick a needle in my eye, make an incision, hoover the old lens out and replace it with a brand new one - all while I'm conscious. I asked if I could be knocked out for it and got told that it might cause too many other complications and a higher risk of infection.
Now, as some of you know, I have an extreme needle phobia. That much, that I can't even watch it on tv. I can watch people get chopped into little pieces, get their heads cut off, stabbed several times in different places or any of the SAW movies, (yes, we're still talking about tv here lol) but needles? no, no, no, NO!!!
So I've got to go through this operation, fully conscious, with no way of escaping seeing what's going on...

OR

Go blind.

This has been my toughest decision so far throughout everything I've been through. I would honestly give up all 4 of my limbs before I lost an eye but the thought of this operation scares the living daylights out of me and I don't know if I can do it.
Let me give you a wee example of how I get scared about my eyes never mind the needle going near it. I can't put eyedrops in, I can't get an eyelash if it finds it's way in there, and I can't put eye-liner on! (Just kidding but there WAS this one time at Halloween...) So a needle? My eye? This might be the hardest this I have ever done as treatment on my journey so far. The Chemo sounds like NOTHING compared to this small operation. (Well, for me anyway) I try and hide when I need to get blood taken!

I know I'll have to go through with it but it's finding the bravery to actually do it that's the biggest problem. This is such a huge thing for me and yet another curve ball life keeps hitting us with. I don't know who is pitching but either they're the best in the universe and we just got unlucky to be standing there with the bat or we're just completely rubbish at swinging and have unlimited strikeouts every time a damn curve ball gets thrown our way but I'd like to change the game now... Please.

On top of this, in other news... My eye is still leaking pus, I've tried cream and antibiotics - nothing has worked.

My mouth has continued to dissolve, leaving me with just under a centimetre of original palate to work with. This has been very difficult to eat and swallow food and even water! I even choke on air!

This has led to me extreme coughing causing very much pain just below my lower right lung. I'm sure I've done something to it by coughing so much, maybe it's a muscle thing but I'm frightened too as that's where my liver is and I'm scared that I've coughed too much and too aggressively that I've caused the cancer in my liver to either burst or move. It's that bad today that I can't even clear my throat without being in very much pain.

Anyways. if you are still there and reading this, we have pictures to put up from a good while ago, like our trip to Ireland that was nearly a year ago (24/06/2024), Christmas, kind donations of nights out and other miscellaneous things to help the page and our family create wonderful memories! We are sooooo behind at sorting them out. So don't go thinking we were just there or Christmas has just hit our house lol it's just a pure act of laziness on my part and I should have done it ages ago. The dates will be on the just to keep everyone right lol.

I'll close for now and will try and update you more often (and upload photos once I get a kick up the bum.) as new things seem to be happening every few weeks recently. Honestly, If I meet you outside, you know I'm having a good day but you should see what happens on a bad day in here. Most days me and Sarah start our day off just crying uncontrollably with everything that keeps happening to us. I've always said though, If I could take all of your illnesses with me, I would. Maybe I'm just collecting them and I'm not finished yet.

The bad days seem to be getting more and more and I'm worried. We all know that one day I'll write my last post but for now, you'll have to put up with me that little bit longer.

Very much big love to you all and I wish that you, your family and your friends are as healthy as you can be. And remember, if you ever want to send me your illness for me to take it with me, just send it, I'm sure a few thing more won't make a difference and I'll feel better knowing that YOU are pain free and able to do the things you once couldn't do.

Love you all.

Dove & Sarah xx

❤️🕊️

23/03/2025

xx ❤️🕊️ xx

Hey everyone.

A wee update on my health and things.

Last Tuesday, me and Sarah had went to Helensburgh to enjoy a wee day away in the cold sunshine and go for lunch. Everything was going great until...

Let me tell the back story first, when we look in charity shops, I very often get sore from where they have put the clothes. They're usually either up to high and I can't stretch to flick through them or they're down so low that I have to squat to see them and then I can't get back up without Sarah's help.

So I've done my usual, squatted down to see the t-shirts, not thinking of how I'll get back up. Luckily, Sarah is always about, keeping an eye on me, making sure I'm not laid down on the floor like a pile of sticks.
I didn't pull myself up the right way and done something severe to my back.
I was actually panicking as every breath I was taking in was so sore, I couldn't bend back into shape and I thought (as always with ANY new pain) that I'd burst the cancer or upset it in some way.

We managed to get home after it had calmed down a bit and tried my best to convince myself that it was just a muscular pain combined with my own stupidity of lifting myself awkwardly. We even thought it was a fractured rib at one point.

The next day, we went to Paisley. The pain was still there, but you adapt. I'm not going to sit on my behind and complain about the pain restricting me! I'd rather stand up and fight through the pain! Well, I say that, there's days when I HAVE to rest and I get that, ooft, Sarah tells me enough lol.
So we're finished shopping and ready to head home but all of a sudden, it was like all of the pain hit me at once. I couldn't get in the car, bending was far too much. I couldn't breathe, sniff, cough, laugh or talk loudly.

In all of the 8 years of having cancer, THIS was the absolute worst pain I had ever suffered. We didn't know what to do. When I was standing, that's when the pain was at it's dullest, so standing seemed to be the right thing to do. I was all ready for going on the train and standing but after a while and a huge struggle, we made it into the car and headed to the hospice for help just in case this was something bigger than we thought.

When we got to the hospice, we were greeted, as always, with smiles, hospitality, friendliness and love. They advised me to go to the hospital but I am against going to any hospital.
At the hospice, we were seen right away and even had a doctor come to check me out.
They always go above and beyond to genuinely help people instead of it just being their job. So much love for St.Margaret's of Scotland Hospice! Thank you!

Although the pain is very intensely still there, everything seems fine just now until I go to my appointment on Tuesday. That's when I'll get the CT scan results of the tumour in my face to see how much it has grown.
The past few days after I've hurt myself have been unbelievably difficult to move. I've been standing mostly the whole day to ease the pain. It's been that bad, we went to the mobility shop to see if there was anything I could help me to stand up off the couch, yes, I can't even do that! Long story short, I have crutches now. Not to walk about with, just to help me up. Still trying to get used to them lol

I can cough standing up but not sitting down, which makes it really difficult to just sit when my legs get sore or when I eat my dinner.
On the subject of my mouth, it is still falling apart, bit by bit, and every day there is a little less and less. I don't feel pain from that which I don't understand as over 90% of the whole palate is gone.

Eating is a constant struggle. Chewing, swallowing, drinking, I even choke on air lol. One drop of water down the wrong way sends me into a choking fit that I can't handle just now without thinking I've burst my kidneys open.

Hmm, what else? My tooth that was extracted has left a bigger hole in the gum where food gets stuck but I use little skooshy things to get rid of any food, so that's good.

My eye is still leaking yellowy/green pus from the corner of my eye, even with daily care and cream.

My eyesight is getting really bad. I used to have amazing eyesight! I could read the full eye chart at the opticians and even read the address under the bottom line of the chart lol, now I'm struggling to see EVERYTHING!!! I can't see when we go shopping! The prices, flavours or if I'm getting the right things.
Outside, everything is becoming like, you know how when you first open your eyes in the morning and can't focus because there's sleep in your eyes and you've just woke up? It's like that but constantly. I can't rub my eyes to make them clearer, I tried. I've noticed my eyes are getting bad as each day passes. I have an appointment being made for an optometrist coming soon.

My health is going downhill and I know that. We all knew it would. While I am still here, there is nothing in the world that would make me give up the fight. I have too much stubbornness and determination to lay down and give up. I get days like that but all I have to do is look at what I have in my life and I can smile whole-heartedly knowing that I am loved.

Thank you everyone for reading/skimming through/scrolling by in boredom lol

Love & Peace

Dove & Sarah

xx ❤️🕊️ xx

Dove & Sarah's Final Quest

24/08/2025

02/08/2025

28/07/2025

25/07/2025

24/07/2025

23/07/2025

21/07/2025

24/06/2025

28/05/2025

30/04/2025

23/03/2025

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