06/09/2025
PDA & School Refusal: Why So Many Kids Burn Out
School refusal has been a huge part of our journey as mother and son.
We’ve been through six different school placements (some of them ASN) with one lasting only two days before it became clear it wasn’t the right fit. In truth, home education has made up the majority of our life together.
I share this not to invite judgment, but to let other parents walking a similar path know that you are not alone.
Let’s talk about the school refusal stats for PDA children, because let me tell you, they’re astronomically high.
It’s not because parents “aren’t firm enough” or kids are “too sensitive.”
It’s because the traditional school system simply isn’t built for the nervous system needs of PDAers.
💜. Why the burnout happens
School is a long chain of demands:
• Get up early
• Wear the uniform (or normal clothes)
• Sit still
• Follow rules
• Complete work on time
• Socialise “appropriately”
• Hide overwhelm all day long
For PDA kids, each of these demands activates anxiety. Every small compliance uses up emotional and nervous system energy.
By the end of the school day (often sooner), there’s nothing left to give.
The so-called “refusal” is often burnout, not behaviour.
💜 Why daily attendance isn’t always practical
Many kids could attend school every day… but at a cost:
• Explosive after-school meltdowns
• Chronic anxiety or shutdown
• Masking all day → emotional withdrawal at home
• Physical symptoms like headaches, stomach pain, or insomnia
The system expects five days a week.
The child’s nervous system says, “I can’t keep this up.”
💜 What alternatives can look like
• Part-time timetables: Fewer days, shorter hours, more recovery time
• Flexi-schooling: Some home learning, some in-school attendance
• Online or home education options: Especially when school refusal becomes chronic
• Learning around interests: A PDAer thrives when autonomy + curiosity lead the way
• Forest school & outdoor learning: Nature-based environments can be calming, sensory-rich, and far less demanding than traditional classrooms
• Nervous system breaks: Sensory-friendly spaces, movement, outdoor play woven into the day
Education doesn’t have to equal 9–3 in a classroom every day.
It can be something as little as two hours a week if that’s all your child can manage and if it brings them a sense of purpose, that matters far more than meeting a quota.
💜 The mindset shift
Instead of asking “How do we make them go?”
we can ask:
• What environment keeps their nervous system safe?
• How can learning fit the child, not the other way around?
Because forcing attendance might get a body into a building… but it doesn’t get a child into a state where learning can actually happen.
Let’s normalise giving parents these choices around their child’s education, without shame, without judgment and with the same respect we give to any child’s unique learning needs.
