Therapy with Iris

22/01/2026

Do you ever wonder why life seems effortless for some people whilst others seem stuck however hard they try?

Let polyvagal theory explain why.

Your nervous system has 3 states
🔸Safe and social ( ventral vagal) - you feel calm, curious, connected. The world feels safe.

🔸Flight or fight (sympathetic) - you feel angry, anxious, on the edge. The world feels dangerous and you want to take action.

🔸Freeze (dorsal vagal) - you feel numb, alone, disconnected. The world feels dangerous and you want to hide.

As well functioning nervous system moves smoothly between these states. But life events can leave us stuck in flight /fight or freeze.

And when you are stuck, it's hard to
🔹Build your career
🔹Create meaningful relationships
🔹Stick to routines
🔹Take care of your health
🔹Fulfill your dreams

You are not destined to stay stuck. You can get unstuck you can return to more balanced and regulated nervous system and life starts to flow again.

18/01/2026

January often makes us think about new beginnings. - how life has been so far and you want your future to be different.

How your life has been demanding.

How you have woken up already stressed about the day ahead. Small tasks have felt overwhelming. How you have pushed and pushed yourself, whilst the critical voice inside you has grown louder.

You realise that you have coped with life challenges alone for so long that now your nervous system is overwhelmed by chronic stress and the pressure to keep going.. You are stuck in fight /flight / freeze and don't know how to get out.

Now you are ready to stop pretending that you are OK.

But change feels scary.

You don't need to do it alone.

I have space for your story and for creating a future where your mind is calm, your thoughts rational and your life is not dominated by negative feelings.

Hold my hands, and I will walk with you. Currently offering online sessions so that you can access support from the safety and comfort of your home.

To book a session, email iris.mcfee@ntlworld.com or text /WhatsApp /phone 07717077131. Sessions cost £50.

You are not alone 💛

08/01/2026

I have always loved reading. The way it can instantly take you to a different life is just magical.

This is what I am reading now. The storyline is that when you die, you go to the Midnight Library. You are presented with your Book of Regrets, you can pick a life events, make a differen decision about it and go and relive your life from that decision.

And whilst we can't go back in the real life, can't relive events, we don't need to stay stuck in the regrets either.

We can look at our past decisions, the circumstances around it and decide to do things differently in the future.

You can let go the emotion of regret but keep the wisdom the event and the decision making brought.

02/01/2026

Happy new year!

Let 2026 be your year.
The year you put you first.
The year you make your voice heard and your views count.
The year you teach people how to respect you.
The year you have clarity.
The year you seek support and change becomes easy.

25/12/2025

Merry Christmas.

Hope you have exactly the kind of Christmas you need.

For some, it's connecting with people, laughing and joking.

For others, it's a quiet day, reflecting on life and enjoying the peace.

27/11/2025

Why does nervous system safety matter?

Your nervous system is like a meerkat, constantly checking your surroundings for safety and danger, and giving your body systems commands about how to act.

If you have had difficult life situations or long term stress, your nervous system can malfunction and interpret incoming signals wrong. That means your response will be wrong - you respond to a danger, when there wasn't one.

When your nervous system functions well and responds correctly, your life flows.

Clarity appears.
You know what you want.
You stop overthinking.
Decision making is easy.
You plan and take action effortlessly.
You see solutions for problems.
Connecting with people will be easier and you make new friends.
You won't worry about what other people think of you.
You see people for who they are.
You reach your goals.

Wouldn't that feel good?

If you have tried to change your life and it hasn't worked, maybe it's time to try differently. When you work at the nervous system level, you get deep and everlasting results.

Let's have a conversation about how I can help you.
Contact me on email iris.mcfee@ntlworld.com or text /phone /WhatsApp 07717077131.

Let's make your life easier.

15/11/2025

To the world, you are just another person going about your day, minding your own business. Maybe you are even smiling.

But inwardly, it's a different story. Inwardly, you are at a cliff edge, tired of carrying around the baggage of pain, but not knowing how to get rid of it either. Inwardly, you are working really hard to keep it all together, keep all the pain contained, making sure the world does not see it.

You are sure that if the world sees your suffering, the world would call you weak.

But you are anything but weak. It takes energy, strength and courage to live the life you have lived, achieve the things you have achieved and carry the pain.

There's is no need to carry the pain any longer. You don't need to suffer - you have suffered enough.

Let's talk. I will help you to move towards peace and fulfilment, whilst the therapeutic music supports and strengthens your nervous system.

You are ready for change 💛

To get help for changing your life, email me at iris.mcfee@ntlworld.com or text/WhatsApp 07717077131

06/11/2025

I spoke to a lady recently. She is having hard time with high anxiety and low mood. She has 2 autistic teenagers who have very different needs from each other and can't tolerate school. She is the only parent, so has no support and no time out.

No wonder she's struggling. This situation has been going on over 20 years, and her nervous system has used up it's capacity to cope with it. She's living in fight or flight state, trying to anticipate a crisis and plan how to avert it. She has no inner resources to change anything.

She's the kind of person who can be helped by Safe and Sound Protocol, a therapeutic music protocol.

The music is created to go straight into the nervous system and create more safety. Her nervous system would become more resilient to the constant stress. The window of tolerance, the ability to to deal with everyday stress, would widen. With time, she would gain clarity and know her next step forward. She would also rebuild her inner resources to change things.

Her anxiety will reduce.
Her mood will improve.
She will feel hope.
She will have the strength to respond instead reacting
She will feel calmer.
The kids will feel calmer.
Their relationship will improve.

And all because she decided to listen to Safe and Sound Protocol a few minutes per day.

Curious?

Book your introductory call directly with me by emailing iris.mcfee@ntlworld.com

02/11/2025

Another Sunday.

A day we are still trying to do fun, but also plan for the week ahead.

How are you looking after yourself? How are you giving yourself what you need to be the best you?

Why is it even important?

In the deep cellular level, self care supports your nervous system. And when your nervous system works well, life flows.

Today, listen to your nervous system and give it what it needs.
For some of us, it would be quiet time.
Others need something with high adrenaline.

Your self care needs are specific to you.

If you want guidance on how to support your nervous system, message me for 15 min free discovery call

WhatsApp /text /phone 07717077131
Email iris.mcfee@ntlworld.com

01/11/2025

Yesterday I had a conversation with someone about the stress of getting everything done

Fitting everything into the day.
Completing all the tasks.
Ticking off the to-do list.

He spoke about how stressed he felt, how his body felt tense and the mind spiralled into catastrophic things that could happen if he didn't tick everything off.

But he, like many other people, had given himself an unrealistic to - do list.

I looked at it and said :
"You are never going to complete this in a day. Not because you can't focus or organise yourself, but because the list is too long. There aren't enough hours in the day, and everything takes longer you think it takes."

We all need to get things done, and the secret is in planning.

First, plan your meal times. You are going to eat anyway.

If you need to walk the dog or pick up kids, plan that next.

After that, it's time to fit in the original to - do list. Think of how long a task takes, and double the time. We need transition time - time switching from one task to another takes.

Because you now have an achievable plan, your mind can stop thinking about how much you need to do and stop worrying about whether you get everything done. Your mind is now free to focus on the task.

And in the evening, you can feel a sense of accomplishment from completing the tasks you planned to complete.

The sense of achievement will motivate you, and you will gather evidence that you can complete things.
Slowly and surely, everything gets done.

And you feel peaceful and in control.

30/10/2025

As the ADHD awareness month is coming to the end, do you feel that it brought enough attention and awareness to ADHD? Do you feel that ADHD was talked more about in October that in any other month?

Here at Therapy With Iris I don't care about diagnosis. I just know that my Safe and Sound Protocol, a therapeutic music protocol, can help with your emotional dysregulation and anxiety regardless whether you have an official diagnosis or whether you are self diagnosed.

Just a few minutes of listening e day can improve your life forever.

Curious? Message me and we can talk through how it would help you. Email iris.mcfee@ntlworld.com or text/WhatsApp 07717077131.

You are not alone. 💛

28/10/2025

The (not so) hidden symptoms of living in fight or flight.

You are always preparing for the worst.
You are constantly on the go, because once you stop, you it's hard to start again.
You can't rest, even when you want to - because you are stuck in fight/flight state.

Fight/flight isn't just about panic, it is also irritability, overthinking and tension. Somewhere along the lines your system learnt that it had to be alert at all times. It had to be ready to defend, even when there was no threat.But it feels exhausting, and you want to change. You just don't know how.

You could start by noticing your body. Noticing the small moments when your body feels at ease. Write them down so that you can see improvement. Notice how the list gets longer.

That's how safety begins.
You are not alone.