30/08/2025
Interesting….
I still remember how I walked in. Open-hearted and hopeful. I was so excited to be part of something. Genuine in every way.
And right from day one, I felt it. The resistance.
The way they watched my every move. The cold shoulders. The subtle digs. The fake politeness that made my stomach turn.
And still, there I was, still showing up.
Again and again. Trying to connect and to build something with people who had no interest in including me.
Giving, even when it was clear it was never - ever - going to be enough.
The disrespect was something else.
I kept hoping that maybe, if I was kind enough, consistent enough, eventually I’d earn a place.
But deep down, I already knew.
This wasn’t a system built to welcome anyone from the outside. It was built on fierce loyalty and protecting the most toxic ones of all.
Then someone said it to me:-
“It wouldn’t have mattered who you were.
Anyone coming in would’ve been treated like this”.
And in that moment, it realised. I was never going to be accepted. Not because I was a problem, but because I was a threat.
A threat to their control.
A threat to the pecking order.
A threat to their need to stay on top,
even while treating people like dirt.
They didn’t want my love. And they definitely didn’t want my depth.
They just wanted me quiet, compliant, and to know my place.
They talked behind my back. They twisted reality and created lies and not because they believed them (they didn’t) but because it kept the spotlight on me.
They even admitted that it was all about protecting themselves.
They needed someone to blame, and I was the easiest target.
But what broke me the most wasn’t just what they did.
It was the ones who pulled me aside and said,
“I know it’s not true what they’re saying about you…”
And then did nothing.
They saw the damage. They knew I was being hurt. And they still didn’t help. They didn’t speak up. They didn’t protect me.
They chose to protect the system. They chose to protect the abusers. And they stayed silent while I was suffocating inside.
That silence nearly finished me.
Until one night, on one of the darkest days of my life, a clinician at the local hospital looked me in the eye and said -
“This is abuse. And we can help you.”
And something in me shifted.
Because finally, someone saw it. Someone believed me. Someone said it out loud.
And that’s when everything started to change.
They can keep the illusion.
I’ll keep the truth…
Tag someone who needs to read this.
Please share it if you’ve lived it.
