29/01/2025
“It only affects your speech.”
Er..........no!
The prime area it affects is speech but it affects so much more.
Can you imagine being a 4 year old just starting school? It’s scary enough for any 4 year old. Now imagine not having a voice (or at least a voice that people can understand). You can’t ask to go to the toilet, tell anyone why you’re upset and your peers can’t understand you so making friends is difficult. You’re surrounded by strangers and no one knows what you’re trying to say. Then when the teacher starts teaching phonics you can’t repeat the sounds correctly so how are you expected to learn them and be able to use them in your writing? You can’t use them in your reading because you can’t actually say the sounds! The first half term of your school life and already the curriculum is slipping out of your reach.
As you get older your still having to have speech therapy, very often missing out on lessons to attend the vital therapy. You begin to realise that no one else struggles with their speech like you. No one understands you when you try to speak so you decide that it’s easier not to bother. You begin getting anxiety every time the teacher expects you to speak. You lose confidence and your self esteem hits an all time low. Are you still thinking that it only affects speech?
You move up to juniors (7+ years old). Not only are you still going out to speech therapy but you’re also having to go out for small group work as the gap between you and your peers widens. Not only are you struggling to make your speech intelligible but you’re also struggle to find the right words. Reading and writing is difficult. Due to your struggle with reading and writing every other subject in school is affected, except PE, unless you have the fine and gross motor difficulties that also come with dyspraxia. Still think that it only affects speech?
Then there’s secondary school. So many new people. Moving round to different lessons. A different teacher in every subject as well as so many students. You’re expected to be able to talk and answer questions. Our confidence and self esteem takes another huge knock. The anxiety hits. Still think it only affects speech?
You leave school and have to seek employment. You have to have an interview, which means speaking! The nerves hit, your speech is affected, you can’t find the words. Why would they pick a candidate who can’t articulate their strengths over someone who can? The ability to speak can also have a huge impact on their employability and life chances.
I think you’re getting the idea. Speech is so important. We live in a world where so much importance is put on speech. People’s intelligence is (wrongly) judged on their ability to speak. If you struggle to talk how are you going to get through that interview? Are we going to be left unemployable?
Childhood apraxia of speech (Verbal dyspraxia) is a neurological speech disorder so yes it does affect our speech but it can affect so much more. For those of us living with a diagnosis of CAS the lack of speech is a hard thing to live with and those feelings stay with us long after we have found our voice. But so do our strengths, the strength it takes for us to fight for our voice, our compassion for others, our courage and our uniqueness.
Photo: me at 4 years old on my first day of school.
