Counselling-Sal Swann

04/09/2025

I used to think my trauma and a painfull past meant I would forever be stuck in misery and pain
Infact I truly believed I deserved every ounce of pain and misery I was feeling
THEN
i started attending therapy
I was met with kindness
I was met with honesty
I was met with being "challenged"
I was met in a room with another human who heard my voice
Before therapy I was muted
I was unheard
It is transformative to sit in a room opposite another human who truly sits in the space your in beside you and dosent run away or cover there ears at the gritty bits
To be heard truly does lighten that heavy and sometimes very lonley burden
To have kind eyes reflected back at you when your in dispair is to be truly accepted
And despite how messy you may appear it is cathartic to be invited into the room reguardless
I've learnt that you have to want to challenge yourself, your beliefs, your past and your responses to your trauma
Running away from it is exhausting you Need to turn, face it, and battle through it
You have to put your absolute all in to get the results you want and need
It's not easy and it's not always pretty but I can assure you it's worth it
No one in this world can wave a wand and "fix you"
No one can "make you better"
No one can "erase your past"
HOWETHER!
With the right person sat opposite you
you can work together to meet hopelessness and misery with determination and solidarity
Therapy for me is like having a team mate
Despite the ups and downs you have a cheerleader on the side line willing you to do well and giving you the loudest cheer when you get you wins and through your lows
It's like hanging off the edge of a cliff and someone grabs your hand and says "lets work through this together"
Therapy isn't just "talking"
It's about making goals and finding practical ways to reach them
It's about challenging you own beliefs and finding thoes that are a better fit for you
It's about taking accountability
It's about challenging your responses to adversity and finding the will and the want to turn that adversity into something useful helpful and possitive
By going to Therapy and working on all of these things
I find HOPE
As long as i hold on to hope i really can reach for the highest of stars
I may always have struggles but I don't struggle in silence anymore and I can learn to mange thoes struggles appropriately
So for me Therapy truly has given me a new outlook on my life
I am so very proud and honoured to have found a therapist that is the right fit for me
Words can not express how transformative therapy has been for me and still is to this day
I will forever hold onto the hope that I have found tightly in both hands
I'm by far a finished article
In fact I can be very messy at times
but ...
I'm on my path and walking along it every week in the therapy room
So I'll hold onto hope and determination
and I will continue to reach for the highest of stars
There is light rising on the horizon
And it is a beautiful sight to behold

Anon

30/07/2025

In order to get a rainbow, we need rain!

08/05/2025

Dear fellow human...

Im writing this to be open and honest about my sometimes "messy mind"
In the hope of some understanding and to offer some reassurance
You may see me and think to yourself "what on earth is that person doing"
Maybe you think
"Is that person high on drugs?"
Maybe you wonder
"Is that person mentally unwell"
Maybe your perception of my physical actions and my behaviour causes you alarm and distress
and as a result
maybe you feel I am going to harm you or those you are with
The truth is I have absolutly no want or desire to harm you.
I am not on drugs and I am certainly not aiming to cause you alarm or distress.
Sometimes when my mind is very messy I see things and feel things that are not "reality"
When I am in this head space I truly believe these things are happening to me.
At the time of these things happening they are my reality they are my here and now
so I behave "accordingly".
Sometimes,
I can feel what I believe at the time to be insects crawing beneath my skin and I believe they are burrowing into my organs.
This makes me feel itchy and I can panic and so I will scratch myself or if it's relentless I may slap myself or shout.
I may be stood ruffling my hair because I believe there are insects crawling in it and I'm simply trying to "brush them out".
I may be stood and talking to myself or even shouting to myself.
I am shouting because I'm feeling very frustrated and fearfull at what I am "feeling".
I am not shouting at you.
I'm talking to myself because I am trying desperatly to simply calm myself so I do not draw unwanted attention to myself.
Im trying desperatly to not be all consumed by my messy mind.
I am playing a game of tug of war in my own mind when I present in this way,
and I am trying to pull myself to my rational mind before I'm all consumed
I do sometimes notice the glances.
I do sometimes notice the people swerving away from me so as to not be close to me.
I do sometimes notice the group laughing at me in the distance. Or on occasion right infront of me.
At the time I don't understand why people are looking at me in this way because I am immersed in my own mind.
Although I do accept that my actions could mirror someone who is on drugs or unwell.
I do accept I may make people feel uncomfortable.
I do not nessasarily recognise this at the time.
This is something I have battled with for many many years and felt I was "crazy".
This is something that causes me great embarrasment when I eventually come back to "myself".
And I do always eventually come back to myself. I am not crazy even if I may appear it at the time due to my past traumas my mind can temporarily "fracture", and I become fixated on these "insects" or the imaginary things I see and feel causing me to become unsettled and act accordingly.
To me it all feels so very real. And it all feels so very scary. I simply want it to STOP!
I see it as I have 2 parts.
The part of me who Is able to work, hold a relationship down, care for my animals and be a kind citizen to others.
And the other part that can behave in a odd or strange way and can draw unwanted attention to myself and can struggle temporarily with the simple things.
It wasnt untill i started therapy when I
started to talk about my visions and feelings that I felt truly seen and not written off as simply "crazy".
I've learnt that my visions are a warning sign that I'm stressed or overwhelmed and if I talk through it they will eventually subside.
In fact most of my visions do relate to my past traumas so when I am stressed I can revert back to my fears.
I am working on my mind and my behaviour in therapy so I don't cause others distress.
I enjoy working on myself and I am committed to my own personal growth and understanding of others and social norms.
If you see me and I cause you distress please know that "normal" me would not want to make anyone feel this way.
I am simply a human who is struggling and at the time suffering inside my mind
I am trying hard to learn my warning signs.
I am trying hard to learn to live alongside my visions so that they don't overtake my mind and my behaviour.
I am simply a human who sometimes struggles, just like everyone else.
Please don't assume I am something I may not be or write me off as a "druggy".
I am not here to harm you.
I am not here to cause you alarm.
I am not here to make you feel uncomfortable.
When you see someone shouting at things you may not see or acting in a way that isn't classed as normal.
Please remember everyone has a story and people are not simply "mad" or "bad".
I am wethering a storm others may not see but soon the clouds will clear and I will again feel free and back to me.

From, one human to another.

Anon.

06/01/2025

The wall of potential.
I see change and growth and trauma like a wall. My wall began as a solid dark black tall wall. The paint on the wall was a thick, dark deep gloopy black. When I began therapy, I was afraid to show just how black and bleak the wall was. To me the wall looked impenetrable, how could this tall black wall ever be anything but imposing, terrifying and gloomy and my "normal"? How could anyone want to take this on with me? Anyone who sees my wall will surely run a mile and call me a "freak". During the therapy my counsellor sees the black, bleak, cold doomy gloomy wall. She accepts the darkness, in fact!... She looks at it with a sense of real understanding, grace, determination and calmness, she invites me to share the darkness with her, so I did. Little by little, I came to understand that, no amount of "paint stripper" could or can completely irradiate this darkness, there is no "magic wand" to shape shift my past into something beautiful, acceptable and pretty. BUT, walls are there to be painted, to be changed, bit by bit I started to open up, to allow myself to be vulnerable, and bit by bit I was handed an imaginary roller coated in bright icy white paint, bit by bit, roll by roll I paint the wall, the black still bleeds through at times, it sill "exists" you can't eradicate it fully, and it will in fact ALWAYS be a part of my wall, it simply won't be the whole wall, it does not have to be the defining colour, you go over and over and over the black until the white overrides the black, the white coat is the base coat for "change". Some parts of my wall are very hard to reach, sometimes i need a "boost", and some parts im yet to paint, you can choose any colour to paint. These colours are my recovery, maybe a red is "pain" but a green is "contentment" a purple could be "learning" a yellow "hope" a blue "safety". This wall is ever-changing. It may take many, many years until the wall is exactly as I like it, but that ok! I need it and want my wall to one day be beautiful in my own eyes. But the truth is, this wall is full of hope, if a mistake is made, it is not "eradicated" with paint stripper, its over painted again and again until that mistake rectified into something I desire, something positive. My wall is far from complete, it's actually sometimes very messy, some parts are multi-coloured, some times the black bleeds through, some parts are still in the process of the undercoat, the white, but behind me I have many paint pots full of bright colours, the main thing is that I continually work on my wall, I continually try, I continually re evaluate where I'm going wrong, and where I'm going right, I have times I can become a little unwell, distressed, and I dip my roller into the dreaded black, my counsellor evaluates the black streaks with me, especially when I am not aware I'm using the black, we talk about the black streaks, we acknowledge, and slowly replace the black with another base coat, so that we can work on top of it. I've learnt that "perfection" is not the aim here, the aim is to be content , to feel safe, to accept what was, and to look forward to what WILL and can be. My wall will never be neat or perfect, it will never hang in a gallery beside the greats. But in fact I do not need that, I simply need peace, serenity, acceptance, safety and hope. My wall continually provides that, the chance to repaint, re-master, re colour. It takes effort, it can be painful, at times I may need help, but when I work hard and I look upon this wall, I see streaks of colour, some of the colours I fear, I am so used to the black that the brightness can be terrifying, but also deeply exciting! But I am continually amazed that my black wall is in fact not 100% black anymore, I have hope, hope is imperative, for if you have hope you have an outlook, you have room for growth and room to learn. In the darkest of places, the most painful memories, there truly is hope! I cannot fully erase my pain, but I CAN learn to understand it, and with that it I can aim to paint something beautiful over it, or even beside it..... and that is "good enough" for me. So, As 2024 comes to a close, I can gaze upon my wall, although unfinished and unrefined, i can hold hope close to my chest, and pride in the glint of my eye, at the splashes of colour upon it. I hope others who may struggle can find their own pride and hope as they gaze upon their own wall. I can’t wait to see what colours 2025 will bring.

Anon.

02/10/2024

31/12/2023

The person who wrote the following piece shows real insight into the harder side of the New Year celebrations. The dread or maybe fear that life isn't getting better. But by staying positive even if the smallest speck of light there is hope. So thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts. Please take the time to read it.

There can be pressure on new year for so many to be merry, to be happy to be full of energy,

Sometimes, when that clock strikes 00:00, depite recognising the good that 2023 held the possitive changes and the happy glimmers,
We end up thinking about those we loved but we lost be that a year ago or 24 years ago.
We can reflect on painful current situations.
We think of the people the we wish were here with us but sadly are not.
We're pressured to conform be happy and make the trusty "resolutions"
Sometimes we need 5 or ten minutes to gather our thoughts,
think about our losses,
and to THEN pick ourselves back up for 2024.
It's OK to feel, sadness, pain,loss, or anxiety.
We are human and we don't have an automatic "happy" switch.
If you lost someone or you feel sadness, above all remember,
you feel that sadness because you loved them, and that in itself is a beautiful and life long gift.
Love can not be forgotten or thrown away.
"The greatest gift you'll ever recieve is to love and be loved in return".
And yes, I'm not ashamed to say that is 100% a mulan rouge quote!!,
So, brush yourself down, honour thoes you love and loved accept the painfull or difficult current situations and go into 2024 with self acceptance and honesty.
Be proud of where you are now,
You made it to 2024!
And you hold the power and determination to make of 2024 what you want, desire and above all what you need.
So whether you are out raving, having a gathering, working,
watching the London fireworks on TV, or sat comfort eating at home on your own, step into 2024 with bravery, acceptance and determination, and above all...

be proud of yourself!

Anonymous.

07/12/2023

Please take the time to read this post. I did! So insightful!

To the judgemental eyes. When you see a homeless person, what do you see? Do you see someone high on drugs? maybe you see them as down and outs. But maybe they are high because they are bitterly cold, the drugs coursing through their veins warms them up, it relaxes him, it makes that night on the streets a tiny bit more bearable. You now see someone who is high on drugs, the hard drugs, he**in (gear), plus begging, now you see a down and outer, and a scavenger. But in reality, he is now hooked on the drug he used for that "one night" to keep warm, he initially took the drug "just to try it" to make the night pass quicker. He survives day by day. He told himself "just this once , I'm freezing cold I cant sleep, I am desperate" not realising quite how powerfull and comforting that warmness can feel when he is trying to survive in -1 conditions. Are you cold when you get out of bed on a cold winters morning? Do you shiver as you leave your house and the cold hits you? Remember, he has spent the whole night outside in a sleeping bag shivering. He's spent his money on the one thing he vowed he would "just use once". His drug dealers gave him "samples", not to be kind, to keep him coming back time and time again to reinforce the addiction that now has hold of him. And it worked. They are master manipulators. Now he is diving into bins to get his next meal and he is thin and fragile. Now you see a man begging, high, hungry and angry. What a mess you might think. Believe me, he agrees with you, he knows he is a mess and despite his angry exterior, he is not angry with you, he is angry because he feels stuck in a cycle, he is angry at his situation. Go to rehab, just stop using you think. If only it was that simple. His mental health is now the lowest its ever been due to the drugs, he is in and out of psychosis, he neglects himself, he is angry. He turns to crime to feed that nasty habit. Before this life he had NO convictions. He now can not be housed in a shared house due to his now increasing risks to himself and others, he gets housed in hostels, and evicted, this door is a revolving door. It is his new "normal". Many people would see this man as "hopeless, a lost cause" so they refuse to speak to him as they pass by. They don't look in his direction, They do not acknowledge his existence. He is seen as street litter. He sees you passing him by, he dosent expect you to acknowledge him, because he feels invisible, he knows people don't like to look at him. However, he likes to be acknowledged, and even if he isn't given money or food, in that second, he was seen and he felt human. Because he really is a human, he is someones' brother, someones' son, like you and I. He is just a human who is struggling and lost. He sits alone in his struggles, but when he is acknowledged by a nod, a smile, even a tiny 30 seconds conversation, when somebody bends down to give him a warm drink, or sits beside him, he feels human, he feels visible, he feels valid. He is not street litter, he was me!

Anonymous Client

Counselling for all ages. One to one. Couples and families. Mediation and conflict resolution.

21/07/2023

After all, the rainbow appears after the storm!