10/09/2025
Honest post incoming — it’s been a while.
The past nine months have been some of the most challenging of my life — and if you've followed me for a while, you'll know that’s saying a lot.
When Mum and Craig were extremely unwell, I knew what to do. My whole life has been centered around caring for others — whether they had complex needs or were terminally ill. That space, though painful, was familiar. I had purpose, direction, and a role I knew well.
And even when they passed, I somehow found grace and acceptance faster than most. I felt a deep sense of relief that their suffering was over. In the space that opened up, I channelled my energy into helping others through my gifts and passions. I was focused, creative, and grounded in gratitude. Even though they were no longer physically with me, I felt like they were propelling me forward.
But the separation from my husband — though amicable — has completely floored me. It’s a whole different kind of grief. One I wasn’t prepared for. Rebuilding a home, navigating co-parenting, constantly worrying about the children, and learning all the practical things I’ve never had to do before... it’s all new. It’s unfamiliar.
Hospitals, care homes — that was my norm. This is not.
And because of that, it’s taken me so much longer than I hoped to find my spark again. I cry with frustration often, because I know the fire is still in me — I just can’t quite reach it yet. I miss the version of me who felt lit up, certain, driven.
So this is me being honest with myself and with you. Trying to find some compassion for where I’m at. It’s not laziness. It’s not lack of care. It’s just that I can’t bear to show up without giving my best.
I know, like in The Four Agreements, that my best looks different on different days — but I also know deep down I want to feel more like me again.
And I’m not quite there yet.
So please bear with me, while I continue to rebuild. I want to promise that I’ll come back brighter, wiser, and lighter — and I do believe I will.
But for now, I’m still somewhere in between what was and what is. Still figuring it out. Still walking through it ✨
