15/11/2025
What I’ve Learned About Broken Nervous Systems
I’ve learned that a “broken nervous system” isn’t a failure.
It’s a response — a natural one — to too much stress, too little safety, and too many years of pretending to be unbreakable.
A nervous system doesn’t break because someone is weak.It breaks because someone has been carrying far more than their biology was ever designed to hold.
It can happen to any of us.
I’ve learned it can come from:
* chronic stress treated as “normal”
* childhoods where emotions weren’t safe
* constant caregiving without rest
* unresolved trauma
* long-term performance pressure
* perfectionism that slowly squeezes the breath out of the body
* grief that had nowhere to go
* environments where speaking up felt dangerous
* years of being the strong one, the quiet one, the good one
The body remembers everything the mind tries to forget. And eventually, it speaks — loudly.
And what strikes me is how normal these people all are. How much they resemble those we walk past every day. How easily any one of us could be them.
What I’ve Learned About Society’s Obsession With Blame
One thing I’ve noticed — and it breaks my heart — is how quickly society looks for a cause when someone breaks.
We dissect their lives. We analyse their childhood. We question their resilience. We hunt for the “trigger.” We whisper, “But what happened?” We want neat reasons, tidy answers, something or someone to blame and I’m sorry to say that I used to be no different.
It’s as if understanding why someone collapsed will protect the rest of us from the possibility that it could happen to us too.
Blame becomes a shield. Analysis becomes distance. Judgment becomes self-protection.
But all it really does is deepen shame for the person who’s already suffering.
The truth is, breakdowns rarely come from one thing. They come from many small things, accumulated quietly over years. They come from the weight of unspoken pain, unseen labour, unacknowledged needs, and emotional loneliness.
Looking for blame only distracts from what truly matters: How do we help this person feel safe enough to heal?
What People Truly Need
The more I’ve learned, the clearer it has become that a person with a broken nervous system doesn’t need blame, theories, or interrogation.
They need:
safety
acceptance
calm presence
emotional permission
understanding instead of analysis compassion
instead of “why” someone who says, “There is nothing wrong with you. You’ve carried too much for too long — let me help you lighten it.”
Healing begins the moment a person feels safe enough to stop performing. Safe enough to unravel. Safe enough to speak. Safe enough to be held without judgment.
The Truth I Carry Now
Psychiatric hospitals aren’t filled with “others”; they’re filled with people who pushed through pain that would have broken anyone. People who were admired for their strength right up until the moment it became unsustainable. People society should have supported long before they reached collapse.
And the most important thing I’ve learned is this:
Breakdown does not mean broken. It means overwhelmed, overextended, and overdue for gentleness.
We heal people faster when we stop asking, “Who’s at fault?” and begin asking, “How can we help you feel safe again?”
Because in the end, that’s all any nervous system is really asking for: safety, softness, and someone who sees the human beneath the symptoms.
