Oak Leaf Counselling

03/01/2026

31/12/2025

I noticed they put on a lot of Spider-Man movies over Christmas. I didn’t watch any of them, but one of the most-often quoted lines comes up in therapy from time to time: “With great power comes great responsibility.” But usually it’s the other way round.

We humans often tend to try and avoid responsibility, perhaps because we find it easier to let someone else do the work of making a decision (and thereby avoid the consequences of getting it wrong), or maybe because we have not been taught or encouraged to trust our ability to make good choices.

The trouble with this way of doing life is that as you give away responsibility to someone else, you also give away your power. And the more you do it, the less powerful and the less capable you feel. You might become low in mood, anxious or even depressed as you move ever further away from your authentic self.

If you’re feeling trapped, fed up, stifled or bored as you head into a new year, don’t look around at your circumstances or another person for the culprit or cause. Turn your attention inward, check your values and needs and see how you’re meeting them. Because it’s your responsibility to do that for yourself. And with responsibility comes power.

Don’t just ask yourself ‘what do I want’, ask ‘what do I need’. Seek out those things and people that will provide you not only with comfort or pleasure, but also look for opportunities to grow and learn. Moving out of your comfort zone is supposed to be uncomfortable, and once you realise you can bear discomfort, anything is possible. You will empower yourself, become a better, more authentic person. But with power comes responsibility…

I know, it feels risky. Change itself is hard; the idea of letting discomfort be alongside you, rather than trying to push it away or distract yourself from it feels unnatural. But as cosy as comfort feels, it’s not good for you to stagnate, and comfort feels so much better when it alternates with challenge.

Therapy is a good place to explore these ideas, to identify and melt away the resistance that’s keeping you stuck or dragging you down. You’re an amazing, unique individual, you want the best from life. Don’t just keep ‘managing’ through another year. You’re not alone. ❤️

24/12/2025

Reshare and help us reach someone who might need to know our helpline is open 24/7 all through Christmas and New Year 💚

24/12/2025

No matter how well organised you are, whether you enjoy or endure Christmas, it can be a lot. Save this photo to your phone, and if you need to, have a moment in the bathroom to re-set.

Wishing you all a restful, peaceful and happy Christmas from Oak Leaf Counselling.

01/10/2025

This week my little business is celebrating 20 years! Where did that time go…?
Looking forward to helping hundreds more clients in the next 20 👍🏼 🎉

06/09/2025

Sometimes listening is the most important thing you can do for someone who is struggling. You don't need to offer advice or fix things, just be there for them and really listen.

💚 Show you care.

Give them your full attention and put away your phone.

💚 Have patience.

It can take some people time to express what they're feeling. Be patient and remember you don't have to always fill a silence.

💚 Use open questions.

Ask questions that need more than a yes or no answer. Like "what's been happening lately?" and "can you tell me more?".

💚 Say it back.

Check you've understood what they're saying, and resist putting your own interpretation on it or offering a solution.

💚 Have courage.

It can take a few tries before somebody is ready to open up. Don't be put off by a negative response. Let them know you're there if they ever want to talk.

20/08/2025

Therapy isn’t just having a chat; it’s life-enhancing, life-changing and sometimes even even life-saving.

14/05/2025

Have you wondered what therapy looks like, or feel a bit uncertain about what it would be like for you? This programme will give you some insight and perhaps encourage you to give it a try.

Feel free to contact me if you have questions or would like to arrange some sessions. 🙂

Matt and Emma Willis head inside the treatment rooms of the UK’s leading therapists as they help Nicole tackle her driving anxiety and Muna face her fear of being home alone.

12/05/2025

Mental Health Awareness Week Check In!

If Ya Feeling Low, Reach Out.

If Ya Feeling Good, Check In On Ya Mates Who Maybe Not So Good Or Quiet 🙂

31/12/2024

This is a long post, so get comfy.

Think about something you enjoy doing, eg running/baking/playing an instrument. Could you always do this thing as well as you do now, right from the beginning? Or did you push yourself, practice, get a little better over time? Why did you do this? Why didn’t you give up the first time it got a bit hard? The answer is that we often relish and enjoy the challenges life presents, it’s what makes things satisfying. If you choose to think of life this way, it’s all a big game.

In the amusement arcade, say you spend five pounds on 2p pieces, and spend half an hour putting them into the 2p pusher machine. When the money is all gone, do you feel angry and resentful that you didn’t make a profit? Or do you feel like you enjoyed playing the game, and didn’t have any expectations of winning anything?
Have you ever bought a raffle ticket, or a lottery ticket? What happens every time you don’t win? Do you store that loss away, remembering it, ruminating on it, becoming depressed, vowing to never take a chance like that again? Or do you shrug, feel a little disappointed, then let it go and move on?

Your experience proves that you can do this letting go, it’s your choice. So if you want to, you can practice doing this for things you currently hold on to, things that are making you unhappy now, every day.

All you have to do is be with whatever is happening; if you feel something, feel it - then let it go, just like you do with the losing raffle ticket. If something is meaningful, but difficult - see it as a game, a challenge. Find some enjoyment in tackling the problem and feel the satisfaction in the little wins you make, just like you do with the running (or stamp collecting, crafting, horse riding, football etc).

Think of what life would be like if everything you attempted was simple the first time. If everything you tried you were excellent at straight off the bat. It’s not only boring, it’s frustrating. We want to find a boundary to push, we want to test and challenge ourselves; it’s what makes us feel good.
That’s what life is for; to test us, to challenge us, to make us better and more skilled, to evolve. When we hold unrealistic expectations and refuse to let things go, we suffer.

It’s not easy to let go of past pain, old hurts, the things we’ve buried deep, the things that hurt a lot. So practice with the easy stuff - don’t allow any more stuff to be piled on top of those old hurts. If you drop something, or stub your toe, or lose your glasses, practice accepting that it happened, even not minding. This doesn’t mean that you don’t pick the thing up, that your toe doesn’t hurt or that you don’t look for your glasses, it just means that you don’t make a negative emotional investment in it. You know what a negative emotional investment looks like:

“Oh, for crying out loud!”
“I’m such a clumsy idiot”
“Why do these things always happen to me?”
“Aaaaaarrrggghhhh!!!”
Etc

You can choose to think/say:

“Whoops”
“Ow, that hurt”
“Hmm, now where did I put my glasses…?”

You accept that what happened is what is, take the appropriate action and move on. No baggage. No stored hurt or resentment. Instead of standing on the shore, trying to stand up in the face of continual waves crashing into you, you learn to float on top of the swell as it rises and falls beneath you. With practice, the small things don’t matter at all, the big things become much easier to navigate. You learn and grow from each experience. You are happier, more contented, peaceful.

This kind of attitude towards life; that of seeing it as a game to be played, a set of challenges to enjoy navigating, is not going to transform your life overnight. As I’ve said, it takes time and practice. But the rewards are deep and life changing.

If you want to aim for a better life in 2025, you might choose to give this a go. In any event, happy new year and good mental health from Oak Leaf Counselling.