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Before That

Exploring mental health in everyday life, helping people understand themselves.

04/03/2026

Many emotionally immature people genuinely believe they are trying very hard in relationships. From their perspective, showing up, replying to a message, or having one uncomfortable conversation feels like real effort. Because it felt difficult for them, they assume it must count as sacrifice.

The problem is that effort measured by discomfort is not the same as effort measured by care. In healthy relationships, consistency matters far more than occasional attempts. Things like listening, showing respect, communicating, and taking accountability are not extraordinary acts. They are the basic standard.

Understanding this can be clarifying. Sometimes the issue is not that someone is trying their best and failing. Sometimes their version of "trying" simply sits far below what a healthy relationship requires.

25/02/2026

Week 4 of Understanding Ourselves with the participants of Inverclyde Faith in Throughcare, week 4 we cover anxiety and depression, what they are in nature, their purpose, symptoms, triggers and recovery, great topic and a great group with lots of personal anecdotes and stories which always come out of this self aware group of guys, pleasure to be hosted here and learn from them as much as they learn from me.

23/02/2026

Some wounds come with scans, treatment plans, and visible proof. Others come with confusion, minimisation, and being told to move on.

When trauma is invisible, people expect you to function as if nothing happened. To work. To parent. To show up. To stay calm. To be reasonable.

An unseen injury is still an injury.

If you have been trying to heal something no one else could see, that does not make you dramatic. It means you were hurt in ways that were not obvious.

And the fact you kept going anyway says more about your strength than their dismissal ever could.

19/02/2026

There were moments in your life you were convinced you would not survive. Times you could not see past the pain. Times you thought it would never ease.

But it did.

This moment feels heavy because you are inside it. That does not mean it is permanent. You have already proven you can endure more than you think.

You will move on. You will find new happiness and new reasons to keep going. It will all be okay.

16/02/2026

It is easy to blame when something hurts. It gives quick relief and protects the ego. Emotional maturity asks something harder. Can I stay with this feeling without turning it into an accusation. Growth begins in the pause between reaction and response. That pause is where accountability and agency live.

12/02/2026

Totally forgot to take pictures of our week one group at Your Voice Inverclyde now in week 2 of Understanding Ourselves, we went over childhood attachment from week 1 and had some reflection on that then explored week 2 where we discuss the Locus of control, accountability and the concept of agency.

08/02/2026

Have you ever heard someone say "that's just the way they are" when describing someone else's behaviour? Be careful with that type of phrase.

It usually comes from a place of distance. If you're not on the receiving end, it's easy to underestimate the impact on the person that is.

07/02/2026

This has come up in groups several times recently.

When you try to raise something that hurt you and are met with defensiveness, denial, or silence, continuing to explain does not create understanding. It only costs you. Accountability and understanding require willingness. When it is not there, the kindest thing you can do is stop hurting yourself by trying to make the person willing to look at themselves and change to have a better relationship with you.

06/02/2026

When behaviour and words do not match, believe the behaviour. That information is not meant to hurt you. It is meant to guide you

05/02/2026

What happens when you ask yourself where you still have influence in a situation that once hurt you?

Emotional maturity is not about denying what was done to you or minimising pain. It is about recognising that while the past shaped you, the present is where choice slowly returns. Not all suffering is chosen, but some of it is maintained by patterns that once protected you and no longer serve you.

Noticing that difference can quietly change how you relate to your own suffering.

04/02/2026

Week 9 of Before That with Inverclyde Faith in Throughcare, now in week 2 of Understanding Ourselves, covering the Locus of control by Julian Rotter, we discussed having either an internal or external locus, following this we discussed accountability and how we can be in a loop of victimhood or accountability dependent on what locus we have, an amazing self aware group who all contributed to the discussions with their own input and thoughts on their own locus, much like all other groups in the healing space, an internal locus of control was a common theme, the easiest version to work on accountability and see our part to play on the circumstances of our lives.

03/02/2026

Many people hesitate to name their experiences as trauma because nothing dramatic happened. No single moment. No clear story. Just patterns that were lived inside and learned around. This is not about blame or rewriting the past. It is about recognising why certain things still feel hard, why your body reacts before your mind, and why compassion for yourself matters now. Awareness is not about judgement. It is about understanding what shaped you.

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