25/11/2025
✨ Official Public Apology from Custom Healing ✨
It has come to my attention that I must issue a formal apology to all clients affected by recent incidents in my treatment room.
I would like to extend my sincere (yet slightly amused) apologies for the following:
Clients have reported being unable to return to work after their massage due to an alarming level of deep relaxation. Symptoms include jelly-like limbs, sudden disinterest in emails, and questioning whether naps should be a human right. I apologise for making productivity optional.
Others have complained that the absence of pain has left them with no excuse to avoid the gym. The unexpected freedom of movement appears to have caused emotional discomfort and, in extreme cases, accidental fitness motivation. For this, I am truly sorry.
Additional reports suggest that after receiving a spray tan, several clients have been accused of taking a holiday. Please note that while the glow may appear tropical, no actual travel occurred. I apologise for any jealousy, interrogation, or relationship tension this caused.
Further massage-related side effects under review include:
• Sudden urge to book again immediately
• Turning your head without wincing
• Smiling for no reason
• Appearing suspiciously stress-free in public
I regret any inconvenience caused by this unexpected wellness.
Thank you for your understanding during this challenging time of accidental relaxation, improved posture, and excessive feel-good vibes. I assure you I will continue delivering treatments that are, unfortunately, far too effective.
Warmest apologies (and even warmer hands),
Kirsty 💆♀️✨