05/03/2026
I needed to share this today. To feel this.
I am fighting so hard for my kid.
I question if I'm doing the right thing sometimes.
Then I speak to people who share my beliefs; I look at the abundance of research which shows the difference between education and school; i watch my child flood when i pick him up as he is massively dysregulated, his angst and his tiredness of being made to sit still and wrtie all day, i hear that kids in school have less time outside than prisoners and I know I am doing the right thing.
I am not believed because of stigma and because society hasn't learned the language of fawning, but my kid does that when he is with his other parent, and when he is in school.
Remember feeling secure in your fawn response when you were a kid? I do. I had shut myself so inwardly, but it all came out in my teens, all the repressed anger and grief and insecurity.
My kid doesn't fawn with me.
He tells me when I've upset him because I have modeled authenticity, rupture & repair and i have never hid my own emotions or imperfections.
He is his truest self with me. It doesn't make it easier though.
I have found the process I am in and have been in for 8 months now exhausting. The last phase was the most traumatic. But I am looking on the bright side. I am lucky. I am grateful to my parents for helping me and my friends and the charity Education Otherwise™ THE Home Education Charity Helpline: 0300 1245690 who have supported me.
I could not have gotten this far without all of that help. I talk a lot about real herd, and let me tell you, it's been all around me. From small moments being held in the beginning when it was full on, to the sessions I have had with my mentors focusing my energies, to the moments I have needed to be in full explosive expression of rage and grief, to the quiet moments when I feel my soul team wrap around me and give me strength. I have been surrounded by support and I am grateful.
It's not over yet, but when it is, I will do a series of podcasts and write a book, "Coping with court" and share some insights, revelations and activations with you.
Thank you for all your prayers, support and help with this process.
Are you going through anything big with your child at the moment? Do you have moments of self doubt? What brings you back into sovereignty and alignment?
