09/06/2022
One of the most important things I learnt on my introspective journey was the importance of ‘emotional expression’.
Emotional expression wasn’t really a feature of my childhood. I associated it with invalidation, ridicule, guilt and also sometimes, with triggering those around me. The crazy thing is, up until 4 years ago, I had no idea. I thought it was all entirely normal. So much so, that when I suffered a stillbirth in my early 30’s, I responded by shutting my feelings down. I focused on a ‘mission’ to try and ‘save everyone else’ instead of allowing myself the time to truly grieve. I never asked ‘why me’…instead I asked ‘why not me’. To the outside world this may have been viewed as strength, but the sad reality was that this was my learnt response to extreme emotion – ‘to push it down’ and ‘get on with it’. Ultimately, it was my defence mechanism.
Why would I have done anything else, if it’s all I’ve ever known?
It took me years and the support of my life coach, to fully understand the impact of unexpressed emotion on my system, including the physical impact on my body. The first step really was acknowledging these emotions, validating them and then learning to process them in healthy ways. The process of grounding by using meditation and body work like reiki, really supported this process.
Sadly, I still feel there is stigma towards emotional expression and this needs to stop! I found on my own journey, that when I was harbouring unexpressed emotion myself, sometimes seeing people openly express emotion would trigger me. To overcome this I needed to express emotion myself.
Emotional expression is STRENGTH, it takes courage and recognition of self-worth to know that you can prioritise your own needs! This recognition of self-worth and self-compassion is an important example to set for the next generation.
