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Monday 10am - 9pm Tuesday 10am - 9pm Wednesday 10am - 9pm Thursday 10am - 9pm Friday 10am - 9pm

Shan Merchant

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United Kingdom
Harrogate
Shan Merchant

Imago couples therapist and Dating Coach for successful, fabulous 40-something women 🚀

15/06/2022

One day to go! Join my in my live dating masterclass at 7.30pm BST Thursday 16 June. Link to sign up is in my Bio x

14/06/2022

Why coaching’s given me faster results than therapy!

It feels a bit like a betrayal writing this... because I trained for 10 years to be a therapist at the Psychosynthesis Institute in London.

And I love therapy! I’ve had loads of it; over 12 years of weekly therapy.

However, after all the therapy I had, I was still stuck on one BIG thing… not believing I was “good enough”.

These fears had me playing small in life, and not daring to go after my dreams.

18 months ago I stopped therapy and started investing in coaching in a big way.

I’ve been able to own my worth and feel “good enough” in a way that I just couldn’t access before in therapy.

I also felt these shifts faster - big changes in 12 months (vs. 12 years in therapy).

In therapy you focus on the past and heal wounds.

If you do the work, you will get MASSIVE self-awareness and develop the capacity to ride the challenges of life.

However, self-awareness, even though it feels good, doesn’t help you break patterns and change your future.

Good coaching will.

Without it, it’s very easy to just sit in your self-awareness, stay stuck and get the same result in love you don't want.

This can look like:

* Having great self-awareness but thinking disempowering, negative thoughts that stop you meeting high-calibre men

* Having great self-awareness but your fears around rejection mean you don’t take any action, so you stay single for years

* Having great self-awareness but deep down you still struggle to believe anyone will love you. You fail to set boundaries with men and they don’t treat you with respect or love

* Having great self-awareness but continuing to date unavailable men. You can’t get past 3-6 months with any man; they break up with you.

So are you happy just to be self-aware?

Or do you want to actually change your future?

***

PS. I have a powerful dating masterclass coming up this Thursday. See my bio to sign up.

**If you are experiencing high degrees of anxiety, distress, vulnerability, depression, have a history of abuse, trauma, eating disorders or addiction, this is the realm of therapy. Please start there first.

10/06/2022

Do you want to make 2022 the year that everything changed?

Come along to my dating masterclass next week if you want to make some massive changes in your love life ❤️

Link to join is in my bio xx

31/05/2022

What clients don’t know when they start work with me

You stay in my world for years afterwards

I don’t ever forget you.

I’m always going to check in on you

18/02/2022

Want to know what a lot of single, incredible women secretly stress about when they first start dating again?

“What if I’m not good-looking enough” ?

There is some truth in this worry.

Men are attracted by looks FIRST.

Let’s dive into Evolutionary Psychology:

Millions of years of Evolution have created a preference in men to be attracted to physical looks first because this is the best indicator of high gene quality.

Symmetrical Features = Beauty = High Gene Quality = Healthy strong children = Survival of the fittest

So its not their fault, they are drawn to this.

So much of our dating and mating behaviour is still driven by Evolution, which is very slow to change.

Although things have changed pretty significantly in the last couple of hundred years for humans this is like the blink of an eye in Evolution’s timeline.

The issue around a man’s preference for LOOKS is that most women read too much into this at the beginning.

She confuses his attention and attraction with an intention to pursue a relationship instead of relaxing and letting things unfold.

In the start he is just acting on his physical attraction.

Sort of winging it, even though he knows in the back of his mind he wants to meet a Great Woman.

It’s how you respond to him at this stage that really awakens his Healthy Masculine (or not).

I want to bring in my client here, lets call him James, who told me recently that his first criteria for a woman he goes on a date with is “whether I want to sleep with her”. If the answer is yes, he goes on a second date.

Attraction rates very highly in the early stages of discernment for James.

There’s no judgement here, but I’m telling you it really pays in your favour to go slow.

To awaken the desire for a Man to claim you as his Woman this requires him to be attracted to you at other levels (eg. the Emotional level and the Mental level) not just the Physical level.

It’s very tempting in our modern internet dating world (and with the buffet of single people to meet!) to consume what’s on offer at a rapid rate.

Going fast in the beginning with physical intimacy is not going to build these other layers of attraction.

Although he enjoys himself, he often just doesn’t feel the connection, especially when you press him and ask “where things are going?” and many relationships at 0-3 month stage will die out.

Don’t say I didn’t tell you 💖💖💖

If you want to break your pattern of falling for unavailable men or short relationships that fizzle out, AND you really want a life partner send me a DM.

I only work with women who are committed to doing the deeper inner work so only get in contact if this is you. 🚀
X

🐆 . ❤️

13/02/2022

Have you watched my take on the Tinder Swindler on YT? Please like and subscribe to my channel if you like my content ❤️ 🚀

17/01/2022

It’s freezing here at the moment!
But loving our winter walks 🥰

Address

Harrogate

Opening Hours

Monday	10am - 9pm
Tuesday	10am - 9pm
Wednesday	10am - 9pm
Thursday	10am - 9pm
Friday	10am - 9pm

Website

https://www.shanmerchant.com/

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