07/08/2024
CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIPS
"We are approaching a period of time when relationships are ready to go through a major redesign. The current paradigm isnât working. People are unsatisfied in love; people donât know how to make relationships work.
And, believe it or not, this isnât a bad thing. Because when systems break-down, thatâs when they change. I believe thatâs whatâs happening in the area of intimate partnership. The break-down is forcing us to move towards conscious love.
So what exactly is a conscious relationship?
It's a romantic relationship in which both partners feel committed to a sense of purpose, and that purpose is growth. Individual growth. Collective growth as a couple. Growth that makes the world a better place.
As of now, most people get into relationships to satisfy their own personal needs. This might work for a few years, but eventually the relationship fails us, and we end up unsatisfied as a result.
But when two people come together with the intention of growth, the relationship strives towards something much greater than gratification. The partnership becomes a journey of evolution, and the two individuals have an opportunity to expand more than they could alone. Deep satisfaction and long-term fulfillment arise as a result.
So if youâre someone who feels called to take your experience of romantic love to the next level, below are four qualities that characterize what being a conscious couple is all about. Welcome to the path of the conscious relationship. This is next-level love ...
1. The conscious couple is not attached to the outcome of the relationship - growth comes first.
Not being attached to the outcome of the relationship does not mean you donât care what happens! It also doesnât mean that you donât have fantasies about how the relationship will turn out.
What it means is: youâre more committed to the experience of growth than you are to making the relationship âwork.â
The reality is, weâre here to grow. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. When growth stops, we automatically feel like somethingâs gone wrong. Because it has. Without growth, we arenât fulfilling our soulâs purpose.
Unfortunately, relationships today tend to stifle growth more than enhance it. This is one of the main reasons weâre failing at romantic love.
We want our partners to act in a certain way, we repress ourselves to please others, and soon enough, we feel small, oppressed and puzzled about who weâve become. This, inevitably, makes the relationship feel like a cage that we want to break out of. But the unfortunate truth is: weâve caged ourselves.
The conscious couple values growth more than anything else because they know this is the secret to keeping the relationship alive. Even though growth is scary (because it takes us into the unknown), the couple is willing to strive towards expansion, even at the risk of out-growing the relationship. Because of this, the relationship maintains a natural feeling of aliveness, and love between the couple does, too.
2. Each person in the relationship is committed to owning their s #*t.
Conscious couples know that we all have wounds from the past, and they understand that these wounds will inevitably be triggered, especially in a relationship. In other words, they expect to feel abandoned, trapped, rejected, overlooked and any other sh*tty feeling that arises when we bond closely with another person.
Most of us still believe that relationships should only feel good, and when bad feelings surface, something has gone terribly wrong. What we fail to see in this situation is that these sh*tty feelings stem from our own faulty patterning! These issues are not caused by our partners; theyâre caused by our beliefs.
The conscious couple is willing to look at their past and current issues in relationships because they know that by facing these beliefs systems, they can evolve into a new relationship-reality. Dysfunctional patterns will dissolve, but only when we take responsibility for them, first.
3. All feelings are welcome and no internal process is condemned.
In a conscious relationship, thereâs room to feel anything. Not only that, thereâs room to express those feelings and fantasies to your partner. This is edgy territory⌠itâs not easy to do. But itâs also one of the most healing things we can experience in a partnership.
Itâs rare to be completely honest about who you are, and to stretch yourself to let your partner do the same. You may not like what you hear; in fact, it may trigger the hell out of you. But youâre willing to be triggered if it means your partner can be authentic.
Like I already said, weâre used to molding and changing ourselves to please people we love because we donât want them to stop loving us! This stifles the love out of our connections.
The only option is radical honesty: revealing parts of ourselves that are hard to share, and letting our partners do the same. This leads to feeling known, seen and truly understood â a combination that will automatically enhance your love.
4. The relationship is a place to practice love.
Love, ultimately, is a practice. A practice of acceptance, being present, forgiveness, and stretching your heart into vulnerable territories.
Sometimes we treat love like itâs a destination. We want that peak feeling all the time, and when itâs not there, weâre not satisfied with what the relationship has become. In my mind, this is missing the whole point of love.
Love is a journey and an exploration. Itâs showing up for all varied nuances of your relationship and asking yourself, What would love do here?â The answer will be different every time, and because of this, youâll get to grow in ways you never have before!
The conscious couple is fiercely committed to being the embodiment of love. And through their devotion and practice, love shows up in their lives and relationship in ways they wouldâve never imagined before."
- Shelly Bullard
