08/05/2025
Healing isn’t linear
Without the dark there can be no light.
I hadn’t realised it at the time, but I was sent back into the dark these past few weeks.
I knew the break away with the girls would be lovely but I had no idea how healing it was going to prove to be.
Every detail from the one on one time with each of the girls, the books I chose to read, the conversations I had, the rest, and being away from Mike were all equal parts that played a vital role in a healing stage I was clearly ready for.
Every day at least once wether when my feet touched the sand or when I read a page of a book or when I looked at my girls I felt emotion rise from the soles of my feet to my eyes and behind my sunglasses I felt the tears waiting to be released. I didn’t cry though. I held it down and I processed what that moment of emotion was saying instead.
I thought as soon as I saw Mike the emotion would erupt but again it didn’t, I was too excited and happy to see him as he stood there in the airport with a handmade sign 🥹
We decided to head out for lunch just us 2, I can’t tell you how much this man means to me and I’d missed him so much I couldn’t wait to sit at a table with him and look at his face and talk to him, he is my safe space and my open door to be 100% my true self.
We sat, drank wine and talked and then there it all came. All the emotion that had been bubbling away for 5 days started rolling down my cheeks. Of all the places for it to erupt it had to be sat at a table in a busy restaurant. 🤦🏼♀️😅
It’s clear I had to wait to process it all and wait until I was in the company of the one person who has allowed me to heal and grow for it all to turn back into the light.
Reflecting on it now I know I have healed more of the guilt, I have forgiven myself fully for the choices I made and the affect that had on my daughters,I have had the time to miss my partner without the anxiety it would have brought years ago, I have accepted where my own traumas have come from and removed the blame I held on other people who themselves made those choices based on where they were at.
*continued in comments*