14/03/2026
Do you have a dandelion? Or do you have an orchid?
Dandelions: Grow anywhere, just need the seeds to fall in a crack in the pavement, and they thrive = Humans that will grow and thrive anywhere in any environment. Around 80% of humans are dandelions. Sure, it's hard work. All babies are hard work, but it quickly gets a bit easier
Orchids: Take a lot of nurture. They need perfect conditions, or they wilt and are very sensitive to the environment = Humans that need intense nurture and a very specific environment to thrive, one that suits their sensitive nervous system. But when they do receive this environment, they flourish beautifully. Around 20% of humans are orchids
The research by Thomas Boyce looks at why two people brought up in the same environment can have very different outcomes. And it comes from how they deal with stress. ALL newborns find the outside world stressful and overwhelming. This is totally normal and why we try to practice skin to skin and responsive parenting. However, most babies, after a few months, grow out of it and chill out a bit
If you have a baby who just does not tolerate being put down AT ALL, will not go to anyone else, has to be skin to skin with you 24 hours a day, lives in the sling, does not tolerate a buggy or car seat, feeds efficiently but doesn't settle, then this may be your baby. You find yourself doing a lot of swaying. They just don't sleep! And if they do, it has to be on you, or you may eventually progress to right next to you as long as they're touching you. You look at colic/reflux/CMPA, but it doesn't really fit
As they get older they can experience lots of separation anxiety, clingy when picked up from childcare, cry when you leave the room far longer than most children, and they have to come with you literally everywhere for many years! They experience HUGE emotions during the toddler years and continue to need lots of support at night
The good news is that if you can meet these needs as best you can, (and bloody hell is it hard work!) you often end up with a self confident, creative, independent and lovely child later. But, as a parent, we need help and support to cope. It is a really tough journey.