03/03/2026
Every time anything is offered to you in labour (whether from a midwife, doula or partner) it should be for you.
Not to tick a box or protocol, not for someone to feel useful, not to show knowledge, not to feel in control. The lines here are blurry and suggestions can be with the best intentions on the surface but dig deeper and they are not always about you.
All of these examples even those that seems less intrusive can affect the birth process, stimulate thinking and have consequences. Sometimes these consequences seem subtle but can be powerful. They can all affect mindset massively and how that birthing person perceives how well they are doing or how ‘normal’ everything is.
From the routine VE that can cause a compete overturn of confidence to an oil that is being used for someone to feel ‘useful’ in the space but isn’t what the labouring woman needs and in fact makes her ‘come to’ and affects her flow - all things have an impact
Consider your wants and wishes and your support carefully antenatally and always ask yourself - is this really about me?