Beyond The Therapy Box

04/09/2025

If your child seems to ‘switch off’ or ‘refuse’ to learn, it’s not defiance. Or being “naughty”. There’s always a reason

So many parents tell me they feel like their child just won’t engage -whether that’s at school, at home, or with simple daily tasks. But here’s what neuroscience shows us: when a child feels unsafe, stressed, or overwhelmed, their brain literally shuts down learning.
It isn’t a choice. It isn’t laziness. It’s their nervous system protecting them.
And we know that if a child has difficulty with memory , or processing language then this can make traditional learning environments really hard spaces for them
Once we start asking ‘what need is unmet here? What is it the adults need to do differently to help ?’- rather than how do I make them comply? - everything changes.
That simple shift in the lens we look at children through can make all the difference- and literally change the world - for that child .
If this sounds like you or your child and you don’t know what to do to help please reach out. Or ask a question below.

✨ I’ve also created my free Thrive guide to help adults spot what’s really getting in the way of a child’s learning, so we can start removing those blocks.
Comment THRIVE below if you want to be among the first to get it !

03/09/2025

Absolutely. As parents and educators we always need to think “What can WE do differently,.. what can WE change in the world around them, to meet their needs“ rather than blame the child or young person….
Compliance and demand is not the answer. This will just cause more trauma….

Dear Bridget Phillipson,

As a Clinical Psychologist and parent, I'm deeply concerned by your recent comments about school attendance. You've fallen into a classic correlation-versus-causation error.

Children who miss the first week aren't absent because they "started badly" - they're likely facing underlying challenges that make school psychologically unsafe. When 1.6 million pupils are persistently absent, that's not a compliance problem - it's a design failure.

The real question isn't "How do we get children into classrooms?" but "Why are so many children unable to attend school?"

In my clinical practice, I regularly see:
• Children with neurodivergent profiles struggling with the school environment
• Pupils experiencing school-based anxiety so severe it manifests as physical symptoms
• Families forced into "elective" home education because schools can't meet their child's needs
• Children whose attendance difficulties stem from trauma responses

Fining struggling families adds pressure without addressing root causes.

Instead of focusing on compliance, let's ask:
- What makes school feel unsafe for so many children?
- How can we adapt environments to meet diverse needs?
- What support do families actually need?

Every child deserves education that supports both learning AND wellbeing. That sounds really hard for our education system, but it's exactly what our children deserve.

Dr. Natasha Holden
Clinical Psychologist & PDA Mum

28/08/2025

It’s nearly back to school time and it’s often a time when children start to “misbehave”.

This message is important for schools as much as it is for parents

Behind every outburst / meltdown is a child’s nervous system trying to keep them safe

Their brains aren’t ready to control outbursts , and they literally cannot “use their words” or “make better choices” in the middle of their emotions

So, instead of telling a child off or thinking “how can I get them to behave” (which let’s be honest just means “do what I want them to do”,)

Pause, remember its a sign they need YOU to do something differently

be kind,
be curious
and ask yourself “what is it they are trying to tell me”.
How can I change the world around them so they feel safe and heard again.

👉🏻A child simply cannot learn if their brain and body is in protection mode …

27/08/2025

Myth ❌ If I sign my child won’t speak.

Truth ✅: Signing & other AAC, support speech & language development 👌🏼

11/08/2025

Behaviour IS communication ….
It’s up to us to show them we are “listening” & that what they have to “say” matters 🌱
Every time we “ignore” the message (behaviour) we lose their trust ….

07/08/2025

What’s something you wish “professionals”understood about your child ?

04/08/2025

it’s time to stop blaming & shaming children

A lot of my work has been around supporting young people in crisis. Those who are “disruptive”, hurting others or themselves.

And the focus is often on what’s “wrong” with the child . Wanting me to assess and fix their communication skills. As if the assessment is going be the “magic wand” .

And while yes there are often underlying support needs it isn’t the child who needs to change .

When a flower isn’t blooming, we don’t blame the flower
We check the soil, water, sunlight, position.
We wonder what WE are doing wrong
We change the world around it,.

If a child is rejecting, pushing away, disengaging, hitting out, not understanding,
not thriving , we shouldn’t be blaming the child
It’s something WE need to do differently

We need to look at the world around that child or young person and see what isn’t working.

And change that.

It can feel hard to change the lens that we see the world through

But if we can make that shift from a blaming & shaming lens

“what’s wrong with them”
or they “should” be doing X
or they’re being “defiant”

to

what needs to change in the world around them ,
what’s too much for them right now. what’s causing this distress

a safety & relationship first lens

it can make all the difference,

And literally change lives

In some cases it saves lives

✨If you're parenting a neurodivergent child who's struggling in school…
Please know : this isn’t your fault. And it’s certainly not your child’s.

It’s the environment that’s not meeting their needs.
It’s a system that wasn’t built with their wonderful brains in mind.

You’re not alone in this.

And you deserve support that centres on connection with your child , not control.

If you want to explore ways that focus on changing the environment, not the child, comment SHIFT below

I’ll send over my Shift the lens cheatsheet - A quick guide to supporting “challenging behaviour” with compassion, not control.

31/07/2025

Love it 🙌🏻
One of my favourite rhyming stories through Rap AND sign ! Can you rap & sign along ?

👉🏻 🐻 👀 🚫 😱

29/07/2025

Good morning 😊