01/04/2026
Time to Look in the Mirror
Some thoughts on how we begin to create change in troubled times.
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We live in a world where itâs easy to feel angry, frustrated, cynical, or just worn down. And when those feelings show up, they often get directed outwardâat other people, their behaviour, or the impact they have on us.
But what if thatâs not where the real work starts?
What if the most important place to look⌠is in the mirror?
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When we feel anger, offence, or resentment, it often comes from a sense of threatâphysical, emotional, or both. That response is human, not weakness. Itâs our nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do: protect us.
Racing heart. Tight chest. Restlessness. Even shutting down.
None of that is broken.
Itâs biology.
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The problem isnât the response itself. The problem is what happens next.
Those emotional states can feel strangely powerful. Righteous, even. Like weâre in control because weâre reacting, judging, or pushing back.
But if weâre honest⌠how often do they actually resolve anything?
More often, they linger.
They sit in the body. They loop in the mind. They keep us on edge.
Itâs a bit like scoring an own goalâwe think weâre protecting ourselves, but we end up creating more distress internally.
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Over time, this can turn into chronic stress, anxiety, or even low mood. Not because thereâs something wrong with usâbut because the system is stuck in a loop it was never designed to stay in.
Fear becomes constant.
The body stays on high alert.
And the mind tries to make sense of it, often in ways that make things feel worse.
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Hereâs where things begin to shift.
When we understand that these reactions are biologicalânot personal failingsâwe create space.
Not instant control. But influence.
And in that space, we get a choice.
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We can start to ask:
- Is this response helping me right now?
- Is it based on whatâs actually happening, or what my body thinks is happening?
- What would a more balanced response look like?
Even that small pause can change everything.
It interrupts the automatic cycle and gives us a chance to respond, rather than react.
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This doesnât mean ignoring emotion or pretending everything is fine.
Some emotions are necessary.
Grief, for example, is not something to fix or avoid. Itâs something the body needs in order to process and heal. When we allow itâwithout fighting itâit moves.
But not all emotional states serve us.
Cynicism, for instance, can feel safe. It protects us from disappointment. But it also keeps us stuck. It offers no resolution, no movementâjust a quiet kind of suffering.
Itâs a powerless stance, even when it looks like strength.
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Part of this work is also questioning the beliefs weâve picked up along the way.
Weâre often taughtâdirectly or indirectlyâthat these emotional responses mean something is wrong with us. That theyâre disorders. That weâre wired a certain way.
But what if thatâs not the full picture?
What if many of these states are learned patterns⌠that can also be unlearned?
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As humans, we are wired for connection, cooperation, and survival as a group. When we feel safe and regulated, something interesting happensâwe tend to move towards understanding, not conflict.
Towards care, not harm.
But when we feel threatened, we lose access to that part of ourselves.
Thatâs when the âegoâ takes overâthe part that needs to be right, takes the moral high ground, and resists being challenged.
We all have it.
The key is not to get rid of itâbut to recognise when itâs running the show.
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Sometimes, that recognition shows up as discomfort⌠even shame.
And maybe thatâs not something to avoid either.
Maybe itâs a signal.
Not that we are badâbut that something needs adjusting.
A moment to pause, reflect, and choose differently.
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Because ultimately, we donât get to control other people.
We donât get to decide how they think, feel, or behave.
But we do have influence over ourselves.
And thatâs where real change begins.
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It wonât always feel easy.
Thinking differently from the crowd can feel uncomfortable. Even isolating at times.
But itâs also where freedom lives.
The freedom to respond instead of react.
The freedom to let go of what no longer serves.
The freedom to align how we think, feel, and act.
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So if things feel heavy, frustrating, or overwhelming right nowâŚ
Start small.
The next time something triggers you, pause.
Ask yourself: Is this helping me?
And then choose your next stepâconsciously.
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Because the person with the most power to change your experienceâŚ
is the one in the mirror.
đ
