Ruth Veda Therapy

24/07/2025

PAIN: RUNNING AWAY FROM PAIN 💔

What's your relationship with pain? Addiction is fundamentally about running away from pain. When we experience pain, if we haven't learned to hold it, we often perceive it as eternal and unendurable, leading us to seek external soothing.

The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying advises, "Whatever you do, don't run away from pain. Don't we know that running away from pain just leads to more suffering?" This highlights the crucial need to learn to hold our pain.

This means we must develop the capacity to provide ourselves with the "relational holding" that we may not have received from our parents or caretakers. Fortunately, this ability to hold ourselves is inherent in our nature; it's in our capacity to give ourselves that internal support.

So, my message is to focus not on avoiding pain, but on being able to hold it without needing external remedies. We should learn to hold our pain, knowing that "it's okay."

It's also okay to seek help. If you can't be with the pain alone, reach out to someone supportive, like a therapist or a trusted friend or family member. You need to be held, not fixed, and to know your pain is valid. Sometimes, we need to revisit and process pain, especially when triggered. This takes time, patience, and unconditional attention to truly heal deep wounds.

THE PATH FORWARD INVOLVING COMPASSIONATE SELF-INQUIRY AND CONSCIOUS CHOICES:

Embrace Self-Responsibility: Not for the pain itself, but for how you choose to engage with and respond to this powerful emotion within yourself.

Take Charge of Yourself: This means realizing that you have the power within you to choose how you react, instead of just automatically responding to things. You can decide your actions.

Cultivate Acceptance: Understand that pain, like all emotions, is impermanent and can be held. This understanding can free you from the burden of immediate relief.

Don't let pain consume you. Instead, let it guide you inwards toward profound healing and positive transformation.

ASK YOURSELF:

What is this pain gently inviting you to explore about your past?

What courageous step is it guiding you towards?

05/06/2025

🙏🏻 A huge thank you to the very special, vulnerable, and willing human beings who came to my monthly SYL Circle! I'm always so touched by the authenticity, respect, and love that flows among us.

This poem is for you all, a beautiful message the universe (thank you, Nigel!) shared with me shortly after our discussion on the challenges of always being authentic.

Much love! ❤️

04/06/2025

Yes, that's the very foundation of healing. Aa a CI practitioner, I witness firsthand how the simple act of being heard, without judgment or interpretation, begins to dismantle the protective walls built around shame. It's in that authentic telling that integration and self-compassion can finally take root. I too experience it myself.

26/05/2025

𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫: 𝐑𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐂𝐨𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞 🎢

(Thank you to my client who inspired this reflection)

What's 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫? I needed to reframe what I had been taught... that anger was "bad," "not welcome," only for people who were "out of control."

I now know that anger isn't inherently "bad." Instead, I think of it as a 𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐥, 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐥 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫, deeply rooted in our unique history and experiences.

From a trauma-informed perspective, anger often signals a perceived violation of your 𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 (those invisible lines protecting your physical, emotional, and mental space), your 𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐮𝐞𝐬 (what you hold dear), or your very 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐲 (who you understand yourself to be). This isn't just a thought; it's a deep, protective instinct awakening within you, an internal alarm saying: "Something precious is at risk!"

𝐀 𝐬𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞, 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐢𝐬: 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐬 𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭❓

Here's a crucial insight: your current anger often isn't solely about the present situation. It frequently echoes unaddressed wounds and 𝐮𝐧𝐦𝐞𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐬 from your past, especially childhood. Our nervous systems might be replaying old patterns, reacting to how things felt previously, rather than just the objective reality of today.

When we allow anger to take over without conscious inquiry, it can manifest as resentment, irritability, or constant criticism, both external and internal. This can leave us feeling disempowered, caught in a cycle of making others "wrong" while perhaps overlooking our own deeper, unacknowledged pain.

But my truth is: expressing anger has taken practice. I've had to sit with my own judgments (and others'!) about my anger, and truly feel the guilt that often comes with it. Yet, as I've begun to deeply understand and channel this emotion with intention, it is becoming 𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞. It's a natural wellspring of energy guiding me towards courage – courage to make the changes I often resist, which is why the anger persists.

While not always easy, I see the path 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐢𝐧𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐬:

𝐄𝐦𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲: Not for the events that happened, but for how you choose to engage with and respond to this powerful emotion within yourself.
𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐈𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲: Recognize that your true strength and capacity for conscious choice reside within, allowing you to move from automatic reaction to intentional response.
𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐁𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬: Anger often serves as a vital messenger, inviting you to compassionately reassess and re-establish the personal lines that protect your safety, identity, and value.
𝐂𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐀𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞: Understand that others, like us, are shaped by their own unique experiences and limitations. This understanding can free you from the burden of unmet expectations, allowing for more ease.

By truly feeling and understanding your anger, you unlock its potential for resolution. It becomes an invitation to ask for change, to work towards change, and to lovingly yet firmly establish the boundaries essential for your well-being.

𝐃𝐨𝐧't 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮; like I did, going over and over in my head with stories like, "Why can't they change? Why can't they do this? Why can't they listen?" 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐝, 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

𝐀𝐒𝐊 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅:

What is this anger gently inviting you to explore about your past?
What courageous step is it guiding you towards today?

22/05/2025

✨ The most important relationship we form is with ourselves. ✨

We're spending the rest of our lives with ourselves, after all. Others may come and go, but we're always present.

So, consider your relationship with yourself. What's your internal dialogue like? How do you treat yourself?

One profound question that's helped me: What would someone who loves themselves do in this moment?

I ask this so I'm making the best possible choices for myself in each and every moment. It's easy to be driven by the past, but those "grooved out paths" aren't always what's best for us.

Check in with yourself. Notice your body sensations, any areas of tension, and ask yourself that question.

🫶 What would someone who loves themselves do in this moment?

12/05/2025

🎢 Life can feel like a rollercoaster, full of unexpected twists and turns. We all carry our burdens – anxieties, pressures, past hurts. Often, we try to hide these, making things harder.

Compassionate Inquiry offers a gentle way to explore these challenges, not just for those in crisis, but for anyone seeking more clarity and inner peace. It's about understanding ourselves without judgment, learning the origins of our struggles, and cultivating self-compassion.

Sometimes, the ride of life asks us to simply hold on. I'm here to help you navigate those moments, and to explore the deeper understanding that can make the whole journey more meaningful, even with its ups and downs.

11/02/2025

🙌 To Gabor Maté 🙌

18/11/2024

TRIGGER ALERT....... 💣🔫

I’m looking for a few kind souls to help me out by giving me feedback while you complete a 14-day mini challenge to explore your triggers?

The challenge is all about transforming your triggers—moving from reactive to responsive.

- Every other day, you’ll get a short set of reflective questions to explore.
- By the end of the challenge, you’ll have more clarity & ease with your trigger.

If this sounds like something that may help you please let me know so we can help each other make the world a much more peaceful place..

18/11/2024

12 stages of healing what one are you in?

06/11/2024

Where there's BLAME this is PAIN.

In our house when I catch myself, my partner or step-son blaming, I attempt to be as playful as possible by singing "no blame, no shame, only lessons to claim"

To blame = b-lame. To be lame. Blaming disempowers because whenever we blame, we declare that our perception of ourselves is that we are a victim and therefore powerless prey of others.

You are probably a bit of a blamer - most of us are. But why should we give it up? In this witty sequel to our most watched RSA Short, inspirational thinker ...

02/11/2024

Good Morning... It's ok to not be ok... everything is welcome each and every morning a new arrival.

Life is a rollercoaster.

Thank you to Raasti Havala for the inspiration 💚

30/10/2024

Good Morning Elizabeth Clarke 🫶

An effective breathing Practice to help regulate the Nervous system in stressful situations, and reduce blood pressure.

Inhale through the nose for 4 and exhale for 8 through the mouth. So simple and so effective.

There are many many breathing techniques but this is one I can call upon in stressful situations and it really works for me, i.e when I am late and stuck in traffic.

Please let me know if anyone has any other tips for reducing blood pressure❓

Have a great day ⭐️