09/11/2025
Worth reading this piece from Rachel Haack on the roots of estrangement.
It’s such an interesting subject and one that’s close to my heart. Working with estrangement often feels like trying to turn back the tide of online misinformation. It can feel like fighting a losing battle.
And yet helping people to repair their relationships with their parents or with their adult children is hard but joyous work.
This is where being a coach and a psychotherapist can be really helpful. They are two different skillsets and two different ways of working.
So often I am helping people work through their past trauma, their blocks to forgiveness and their relationship anxiety issues. So many threads can make up these tangles. I get to help people to prepare for meeting with their estranged family members. I love this work!
Just as Rachel talks about the pathologising of discomfort, I’m also helping people to face their feelings, to learn how to turn towards them and to feel them, letting them start to be more present in their bodies in the moment, and building up their inner resilience to be able to respond to themselves with compassion.
Working with core values is such an important piece of that work. So many people have not really explored what is important in their lives and yet being authentic and true to ourselves is a huge part of being congruent.
Exploring codependence and rescuing behaviours is an important part of the work too. So many people are projecting and taking too much responsibility for how others are feeling.
And while there are some great books on these subjects, at the end of the day it needs to be learned experientially. It can help to have someone beside you on your journey to offer accountability, as well as challenging you and encouraging progress.
Something is shifting in the way families relate to each other. More parents and adult children are cutting contact than ever before. And it’s not just personal, it’s cultural.
In my new Substack essay, I unpack some of the big forces shaping this trend:
• postmodernism and power frameworks in family life
• social contagion and influencer culture
• safetyism and the pathologizing of discomfort
• the “luxury of disconnection” made possible by affluence
• and what we can actually do about it
It’s a longer read, but I think it’s worth it.
We can’t change the culture overnight—but we can live differently inside it.
📖 link is in my profile, and under Substack highlight
or visit:
rachelhaack.substack.com